


A Study Of Rose Petals and Ink Stains

by teardrops_on_ghostly_wings



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop & Tattoo Parlor, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Anathema and Adam can't help shipping their idiotic bosses, Angst, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Character, Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Asexual Relationship, Asexuality Spectrum, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Florist Crowley, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Male Character, Genderqueer Character, Getting Together, Hurt Crowley (Good Omens), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Male-Presenting Aziraphale (Good Omens), Male-Presenting Crowley (Good Omens), Platonic BDSM, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Tattoo Artist Aziraphale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:43:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 84,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22961089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teardrops_on_ghostly_wings/pseuds/teardrops_on_ghostly_wings
Summary: After a painful breakup Crowley goes to the tattoo shop down the road from his flower shop to get a bad breakup tattoo but instead meets tattoo artist Az who talks him down from his terrible idea and helps him start to heal.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 73
Kudos: 289
Collections: Good Omens Human AUs, Good omens shop human aus





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've read too many flower shop/tattoo shop AUs so here I am writing one of my own

Crowley had heard about a tattoo studio down the road from his flower shop and considered going there for quite a while. Their instagram seemed very popular and all the pictures posted were absolutely beautiful so they were obviously a great place to get ink.

After months of considering it Crowley finally ends up in the shop but not under the circumstances he was hoping. 

He'd just found out Justin, his boyfriend of 8 months, had been sleeping with his brother Hastur. After a huge screaming match with both of them they stormed out and Crowley spent the next 8 hours crying his eyes out. Now the next day with a heavy heart and puffy eyes he's at the tattoo studio ready to get some ink to commemorate his heartbreak.

Crowley didn't make an appointment so he sits on an overstuffed couch by the window for an hour before an artist is free. Under normal circumstances he would be a ball of restless energy but currently can't bring himself to move. All he manages to do is bite his nails to stubs and stare at the toes of his scuffed work boots as his mind rips itself to shreds. 

When he's called Crowley shuffles into the backroom and curls up in an armchair. He hasn't looked away from his feet so all he can do is listen to the artist move around the room before settling in the chair opposite him.

Once all movement in the room finishes Crowley looks up and his mouth drops open in shock. He was expecting someone covered in tattoos and intimidating but is looking at the least scary person he's ever seen. The man looks like he's in his mid 30s, same as Crowley, is very short and plump, and has fluffy blond hair making him look positively angelic. If someone had shown him a picture of this man and claimed it was an image taken from the stained glass window of a church Crowley wouldn't have questioned it.

The man laughs softly when he sees Crowley's shock and holds out his hand "Nice to meet you, I'm Az and I believe your name is Crowley?"

Crowley manages to nod but can't close his mouth long enough to form words. The staring is strange but Az gives him a smile and reaches over to tap his jaw "Close your mouth my dear, it's a little hard to work with someone looking at me like I'm their long lost father"

That gets Crowley's brain back into action and he quickly snaps his mouth closed, shoving his sunglasses further onto his face and internally cursing himself. Here he is in a room alone with the most beautiful man he's ever seen outside of a magazine, making a complete fool of himself. After the shit show of his last relationship he knows he shouldn't care about other men but still wants to make a good impression. If Az is going to be putting ink permanently in his skin soon it wouldn't be a good idea to upset him before then.

With rosy cheeks Crowley returns to biting at his nails to give him something to do while Az opens a sketchpad. The blond lazily runs his pencil over the paper a couple of times before looking back at his client "What were you thinking of getting darling?"

The pet names Az keeps using are making Crowley feel things he know he should be so he quickly shrugs his shoulder and keeps biting his thumb "I wanted something saying Damaged Goods and I thought maybe as a tramp stamp but wasn't sure"

Az slowly lowers his pencil and takes a long hard look at the man in front of him. All sorts of strange people walked into tattoo shops so he'd gotten good at tuning weirdness out but now he focuses. Crowley's so thin it's almost painful to look at and is hunched in on himself looking absolutely miserable. His eyes are covered with dark glasses but Az wouldn't be surprised to see them puffy from crying and surrounded by dark circles. He's undeniably a very handsome man but looks like he's let himself go completely in the last few weeks.

Doing stupid tattoos also isn't new to Az after his 20 year tattooing career but sometimes there has to be a limit. He made a firm rule with himself never to tattoo someone drunk or in any state where they don't fully understand their decision. It's painfully obvious that Crowley's in some kind of emotional distress and will hate himself in a few weeks if he goes through with the tattoo. Tramp stamps are rarely a good idea, especially not when they're meant to be cruel and self deprecating.

Az leans over to put a hand on Crowley's shoulder, rubbing it with small circles of his thumb "Crowley dear I don't think that's a good idea"

"Please just do the stupid tattoo, I'll pay anything"

"I appreciate that but I have to refuse. I can see you're struggling and not thinking things through so I don't want to do anything that will hurt you later"

"I want it to hurt me later, that's the point, please Az"

"I can't, I wouldn't feel right doing something like that to you"

Crowley looks down at his lap trying to push back the tears that are gathering in his eyes. All he wants is to to the most painful cruel thing he can to himself and deal with the consequences later. He was stupid enough to fall in love with someone horrible who only wanted to hurt him so he needs to be punished for the stupidity. He needs to remind himself and anyone else that might ever be interested in him that he's broken and not worthy of any kind of love.

Az keeps rubbing Crowley's shoulders then gently brushes Crowley's long hair out of his face "Crowley dear have you got any other tattoos? A tramp stamp would be a painful first tattoo"

All Crowley can do is silently push his shirt sleeve up to show Az the tattoo on his bicep. With soft fingers Az traces the line of the snake curled around Crowley's arm, admiring the work. It's nothing big or impressive but is in beautiful greyscale and looks very well done, much better than expected. The blond was half dreading seeing some disastrous homemade tattoos marring his beautiful skin and is pleasantly surprised. He personally believes a person always looks more beautiful with well done tattoos so seeing the snake is delightful.

The soft hands caressing his tattoo send a shiver down Crowley's spine and breathe new life into him. It's been much too long since he's been touched like something precious and delicate so it incites even more deep feelings in him.

Feeling weak and shaky Crowley lets his head drop halfway too his lap and pushes his arm into Az's touch. The blond gives him another couple of loving touches before pulling away and getting to his feet.

Crowley feels cold without his touch so he gets too his feet too and takes a nervous step closer "Um I... Um... Do you have tattoos?"

It's quite possibly the stupidest question Crowley could have asked but it's all he could think of. Az is so beautiful and has been nicer to Crowley than anyone has been in months so he's not ready to let this end. Even if it's just a couple more minutes of awkward small talk before he's kicked out its better than nothing.

Az smiles indulgently, used to that question after years as a tattoo artist, and lifts one of his sleeves. Crowley lets out a startled "Ngk" and lets his mouth hang open again as he admires Az. He was not at all expecting for Az's entire forearm to be covered in tattoos but now his eyes can't decide where to look. It looks Japanese but Crowley can't quite figure out what it's depicting because his eyes keep flitting from one element to the next.

When Az pushes his sleeve back down Crowley gulps and keeps staring, wondering how much other ink is hiding under there. If he has a whole forearm covered it's doubtful that's all he's got so Az likely has at least one full sleeve which Crowley is incredibly interested in.

As the red head ponders how creepy it would be to ask to see more, Az reaches out to take Crowley's hand. With firm calloused hands he leads Crowley across the room to his tattooing chair and frowns "Sit down for me darling, I'm going to do something for you"

"But I thought you didn't want to do the tattoo"

"I don't so I'll give you something temporary instead"

Crowley's confused but lets himself be moved to straddle the chair and lie his head against the headrest. Carefully he turns his face to look for Az, fighting down a wave of nerves at what the blond might be doing. Sitting helpless and trusting someone he's never met before isn't something that comes naturally. He likes Az well enough so far but doesn't deal well with surprises, even they're coming from gorgeous men who seem to care for him.

As he bustles around Az catches sight of Crowley's frown and comes back over to out a calming hand on his back "I'm going to draw on you with marker, is that ok dear boy?"

"What are you drawing?"

"Your silly tattoo idea. It should last for a few days so in a week once it's completely faded you can come back here and tell me how it's been. If you still like the tattoo and want to get a real one I'll do it for you and if you've changed your mind we'll never mention it again"

If Az wasn't such a sweetheart Crowley probably would have stormed out a long time ago. He wants to get a terrible tattoo to help him process his stupid broken heart but this horrible, gorgeous tattoo artist won't let him do it. Everything is a whirlwind in Crowley's life and it's only the way he feels when Az touches him that stops Crowley.

He's spent a while in a relationship so it's been too long since he's let himself admire other men. Justin was always too jealous and overbearing so Crowley wasn't allowed to even glance at another man without verbal abuse. Now he's finally free and can look at any man in any way he wants at any time. It wasn't an opportunity he thought he'd ever get again so he's not willing to let this end any sooner than it has to.

Getting to spend time in this chair with Az touching him and drawing on him is too much to say no to. Justin's been the only one to properly touch him in more than half a year so even if it's only professional touches while Az works it's enough.

Crowley's still and silent as Az's strong hands untuck his shirt from his jeans and hitch it up. Once half of his back is exposed Az runs gentle fingers up and down the bare skin, not able to restrain himself. He can feel the firm muscles on the red heads back and is impressed that despite Crowley's current state, he must take good care of himself.

Shoving his fantasies down, Az quickly reminds himself this is his place of work. Now isn't the time to be having questionable thoughts about a client, not when that client is emotionally distraught and Az isn't even single.

Pulling in as much professionalism as he can manage Az pulls on a fresh pair of gloves. He takes his time wiping down the strip of skin above Crowley's trousers, making sure it's clean before uncapping his marker. They didn't fully talk about Crowley's idea so Az is comfortable taking some artistic liberties and making it however he feels like.

It only takes him 10 minutes to draw it out but those minutes are torture for Crowley. Even through the gloves he can feel the heat off Az's skin, one hand resting in the middle of his back while the other draws.

After he squirms for the whole first minute Az increases the pressure on his hand and huffs "Stop moving dear, I know this isn't a real tattoo but you're making this very hard. Either close your eyes and relax so I can do my job or I'm not going to finish"

Crowley quickly does what he's told, closing his eyes and focusing on the feel of Az's hands. Somehow he manages to get through the rest of it without moving enough to annoy Az then stays in place once the artist moves away. He waits for Az to put away his tools then come back to put a hand on his bare back "Come see it my dear, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised"

Az doesn't move his hand from Crowley's back as the red head slides out of the chair and walks to the mirror. After a nervous glance at Az, Crowley turns around and looks over his shoulder. He's expecting to see something ugly and horrible to convince him it's a terrible idea but as Az said, he's pleasantly surprised. The drawing looks jarring on his back and the words hurt like they were supposed to but it's beautifully done.

Again Az puts a hand down to run over the lines and gives Crowley a smile "I'm rather proud of how it turned out even if I resent the whole idea"

"Az you're amazing, your art is amazing"

"This is nothing my dear, I'd happily show you my sketch book but were quite short on time"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to take up your time"

"It hasn't even been half an hour Crowley dear, nothing to worry about, you needed me more than anyone else"

Crowley ducks his head as his cheeks start to burn again, not wanting Az to see how affected he is. The blond smirks slightly at how flustered Crowley always gets before fixing his shirt to cover the drawing. 

Even as things start to get awkward Crowley doesn't move so Az takes a small step away and coughs "I guess that's you done then sweetheart. I don't know if they told you this when you booked but it is a £20 consultation fee which you'll have to pay"

"I'll pay anything you want me too, you talked me down and gave me your art so I'll do anything you want"

That earns Crowley another soft smile so he lets go of his fear and flings himself forwards. When the red head barrels into his arms Az yelps in shock but wraps his arms around Crowley.

If it was anyone else Az would push them away and kick them out but he can't bring himself to do it. Crowley showed up looking completely broken and lost so it's not surprising he's emotional and desperately in need of a hug. Az hasn't felt it's his place to ask exactly what's happened but knows it must be pretty monumental to get a response like this. Most sane stable people don't storm into a tattoo parlour when they're upset and ask for a tattoo to hurt themselves.

When arms circle his waist Crowley moans softly and presses his cheek to Az's soft blond hair. The hug goes on a beat too long but neither bother to pull away until there's a knock on the door.

Az quickly pulls back and busies himself tidying his tools as his coworker Anathema opens the door. When she sees Crowley standing in the middle of the room with red cheeks she smirks but thankfully only says "Az your 11 o'clock is here, you all done with this consultation?"

"Yeah Ana I'll be out in a minute, tell him not to get his panties in a bunch"

With a last smirk at Az she leaves so the artist can let out a breath. Anathema is easily his best, and only, friend right now but she can be a nightmare. Az made the mistake of getting drunk with her and telling her his exact type so now she tries to set him up with every guy possible. Unfortunately Crowley fits that type perfectly so he's undoubtably going to be hearing about this for at least another week. She means well but Az is firmly unavailable so all it does is make him feel bad for disappointing both her and the guy in question.

Crowley watches Az fuss around the room with longing until the artist looks up for him and catches him looking. The red head looks away quickly but Az already saw and makes his way over to gently touch Crowley's wrist "Let me walk you out my dear, I'll collect my next appointment on the way"

Together they walk out to the front of the studio where Crowley pays for the appointment then hovers by the door. He watches Az take his next client and go into the same room they just left. A tiny needy part of Crowley wants to burst back in there and stop anyone else being alone with Az but that's pure stupidity. They haven't even known each other an hour and Crowley has no more claim over Az than he does over the pope. Az provided him with the service he paid for, nothing more nothing less. Just because he covered his own arse by not doing a bad tattoo doesn't mean he has any kind of feelings for Crowley.

Feeling a little sad, but a million times better than when he entered the shop, Crowley leaves and saunters to work. Normally he opens the flower shop at 8am on the dot then works until 5pm but today he didn't bother opening. His heart was too broken to even consider working so he gave his assistant Adam the day off then went to get a tattoo.

After drinking a bottle of water and giving himself a pep talk Crowley opens the shop and tries to focus wholly on his work. Carefully creating bouquets is enough of a distraction to almost get rid of his pain but not to banish a pretty blond tattoo artist from his mind. The feel of Az's hands on his skin takes much much longer to fade and no amount of flowers can quite wipe it from his mind.

While Crowley struggles with his flowers Az throws himself wholeheartedly into his work. The only other appointments he has today is a consultation with one of his regulars then a tattooing session with another regular.

Once he's 2 hours into the tattoo and the client is lying in his chair with headphones on, Az takes a break. He stretches, drinks water and waves Anathema into the room before returning to his line work.

Anathema checks the client can't hear anything before leaning in eagerly "So what was up with the pretty emo boy?"

"He wasn't emo Ana and you know there's patient confidentiality and all that"

"We tattoo people Az, you're not a gynecologist, spill the dirt or I'll have to resort to blackmail"

"Goodness dear" Az mutters as he finishes off a tricky line before looking over at her "His name is Crowley and he was going through a hard time so I talked him down from a terrible tramp stamp. You really must not get your hopes up, I doubt he's ever coming back and even if he does nothing will happen, you know I'm quite happy with Kane"

Anathema snorts loudly at the mention of Az's boyfriend but holds back her normal rude comment. It's not news to anyone that she detests him but so far her campaign for Az to break up with him hasn't had any success. She really was pinning her hopes on Crowley, knowing he's exactly what Az likes, but now she yet again needs a new plan. As Az's only decent friend she's dedicated herself to getting him into a better relationship with someone deserving of him. If pressed she could list dozens of ways Kane rubs her the wrong way but Az seems determined to ignore each and every one of them.

After some more whining from Anathema, Az manages to encourage her back to her own job and finally finish the tattoo in peace. He knows the next time they drink together she'll grill him and find out how attracted he was to Crowley but for now he's safe with his ow feelings.

When finally done for the day Az cleans his tools, oblivious to Anathema hunting down Crowley's phone number to call and ask if he'd like to schedule another consultation. While watering a succulent Crowley happily books another appointment, unaware that the nice young lady on the phone is actively scheming against him.


	2. Chapter 2

Az was having a quite lovely time for most of the day. He was booked for a final session finishing off a huge back piece on one of his favourite clients so didn't have much else scheduled.

For most of the morning he heard teenage girls shrieking and giggling, presumably walk ins getting tiny tattoos and acting ridiculous over then. When he gets a chance to talk to Anathema he finds out they were in fact American sorority girls on vacation come for matching tattoos.

Anathema looks on the brink of murder from having to deal with them all morning so Az is extremely grateful for his client. Any tattoo artist with half a brain would pick a large artistic piece on a tattoo veteran over stock tattoos on dramatic children barely old enough to get them.

Though Az doesn't say anything to antagonise her out loud from fear of violence, he privately thinks Anathema deserved it. After bullying Az about Crowley multiple times a day all week she's entitled to a little suffering of her own. Az isn't sure he'd ever wish a whole sorority of drama queens on her but isn't fully sympathetic about the situation.

The two of them hang around the front of the store complaining about walk ins until Az goes into the back to get ready for his next appointment. Anathema might be strange and overbearing at times but she's got a very kind heart and an old soul. Despite her current obsession with veganism and Wicca she's always a pleasure to be around.

Both Az and Anathema don't quite fit into the tattoo world so finding each other was a blessing. They're both odd balls in different ways but their misshaped edges have always fit together shockingly well. Despite the age difference of almost 15 years Az has never been ashamed to admit he loves Anathema more than almost anyone.

After getting a nice sketchpad and pencils ready Az heads out to the front but stops dead. Crowley's leaning against their front counter deep in conversation with Anathema. Neither of them notice the blond so Az takes a moment to compose himself and admire the red head he's been thinking about so much.

The man's wearing similar all dark clothes and sunglasses to last time but this time paired with a leather jacket. After letting his eyes run appreciatively over Crowley's very tight jeans Az starts towards the pair. He has to admit the two of them look very good together, both very pale and very goth with wide captivating smiles. If Az didn't know Crowley was gay and Anathema had a bloke at home he'd almost be jealous of how good they are together.

As he walks over Crowley's enthusiastically talking about tropical fish breeding for some strange reason but stops mid sentence to smile at Az. The artist shyly smiles back before shooting Anathema a glare as she watches the two men smugly.

When he turns back to Crowley the red heads still got a soft expression on his face so Az reaches out to pat his shoulder "Nice to see you my dear, I didn't know you intended to come back"

Crowley shifts closer to Az's touch and nods "You said to come back when the marker faded so here I am, is this ok?"

After assuring him it's completely ok Az glares at Anathema again before leading him into the back of the studio. If he's going to spend more time around the gorgeous man it won't be with his best friend watching them like it's her favourite reality tv show.

In a private room away from prying eyes Crowley's body relaxes and he sinks into the same arm chair as last time. As before Aziraphale settles opposite him and internally laughs at Crowley's abysmal posture.

It's only been a week but the man seems much more stable and rational. His eyes are covered with sunglasses but his face looks much less gaunt and forlorn compared to the last time. Crowley's hair is nicely styled and even though he still looks stick thin, it looks more on the side of natural than anything worrying. The little smile tugging at the corner of his lips gives Az a thrill and he has to pull his eyes away from Crowley before he does or says something regrettable.

To distract himself Az idly sketches on his pad while waiting for the other man to break the silence. Eventually Crowley picks up on the cue that he's supposed to lead and shuffles in his chair, slouching even further which Az didn't think possible.

While picking at a loose thread on the chair Crowley says "So I guess you were right unsurprisingly. The marker stayed on for a few days and over time I started to hate it being there, I'm glad you talked me out of the real tattoo"

"It's my job to help darling, I'm glad you made the right choice" Az replies, feeling extremely smug at yet again being right.

"You probably noticed I was in a really bad state last time so it would have been dumb to get anything permanent to remember that time. I still really want a tattoo from you because I've seen lots of your work and it's amazing but I'll think it through properly"

That's exactly what Az hoped to hear but he wasn't expecting Crowley to still want a tattoo. He looks like someone who would be into tattoos but Az has only spotted the one tattoo Crowley showed up him. There could easily be lots others hiding under his deliciously tight clothes but at a glance none of them are noticeable.

Az would love nothing more than to put his art on Crowley's body which he'd also consider a work of art. It would involve many hours around the other man which would be very temping but Az can handle it. After growing up in an extremely religious family and restraining himself from exploring his sexuality for 18 years he can certainly control himself around one attractive client.

Unconsciously Az starts sketching things he thinks might look good on Crowley. They'll need to have a good in depth conversation about what he wanted and where but it feels good to simply let his creativity out. Art has always been Az's safe space so it's easy to distract himself from the kissable lips in front of him by drawing.

Crowley's squirming in the chair, unsure how to continue the conversation but Az seems much more comfortable now. As his hand flies over the paper he takes a quick glance up at Crowley then asks "I'm so glad you're feeling better now sweetheart, would you like to talk about what happened?"

"Oh I wouldn't bother you with that, I was just being dumb"

"You're too old and sensible to get a terrible tattoo for something that isn't important to you Crowley dear. We have an hour until my next appointment so if you'd like to talk I'm happy to listen. People always say hairdressers and tattoo artists make wonderful therapists and I'm inclined to agree"

That earns him a smirk from Crowley and the red head hitches a leg up over the arm rest of the armchair as he thinks. It appears he's attempting to contort himself in the most uncomfortable ways possible but Az can't say he minds. The more he moves, the more he shows off his long legs which Az would be crazy to deny.

As Az continues to sketch Crowley starts to talk and lets out all the feelings he's been holding in. It's been so long since he had a proper friend to talk to that he's willing to tell the first person who'll listen. Adam is a lovely kid but he's only 20 and still has his youthful innocence so it's hard to have a proper deep conversation. Az isn't as cynical and pessimistic as Crowley but he's older and able to be much more realistic about how life is. It's not his place to ask but Crowley presumes Az has probably had his fair share of suffering and understands what Crowley has to say.

Crowley starts off awkwardly but over time gets more and more comfortable with Az. The artist is a wonderful audience and listens intently to everything Crowley says even as he continues to sketch.

At first Crowley talks about how nice things started off with Justin when they met 8 months ago. Crowley hadn't been in a relationship in quite a few years so meeting someone available and interested felt like a blessing. Things went very fast so after a week of seeing each other every day they ended up in bed together before making it official. Crowley had never felt so strongly for another person but Justin seemed to feel the same so he was willing to throw himself in headfirst. Barely a week after that Justin moved in with Crowley and they were together almost constantly.

For the first 2 or so months it was the best time of Crowley's life and he felt like he'd ascended and found Heaven. Justin understood him in a way no one else did and was the most caring lover Crowley had ever had. The sex was amazing,their conversations were amazing and every second together made Crowley smile.

After a few months of bliss things started to go wrong. Over time Justin started drifting away from Crowley and spending more time at work instead of coming home. It was only once Crowley went to Justin's office one day that he found out why he'd been so distant, because he was sleeping with his coworker.

Crowley's heart was broken but he couldn't bare to be alone so after a few screaming matches he backed down. In the time after that Justin was back to his old sweet self but just as before, things backslid over time. Once again he stopped spending time with Crowley and kept having affairs with anyone who would have him.

At heart Crowley knew the relationship was bad for him but being single again seemed worse. Even as he kept finding out about the different people Justin was cheating on him with he kept forgiving him. If he tried to confront the issue all Justin did was insult him and say every cruel thing he could think of to break Crowley down further. The more he fought the worse he felt so in the end Crowley settled into comfortable ignorance to protect his damaged ego.

For another couple of months they lived this way and Crowley did everything to appease Justin. Even as he kept getting meaner and their relationship slipped into something borderline verbally abusive Crowley worked his arse off to keep them together.

Everything came to head one day when Crowley came home from his shop early. He was hoping to cook for Justin and prepare a nice romantic evening for the two of them but walked in on something he never expected. It was the first time he'd ever found Justin in their bed with someone else but the fact it was Crowley's own brother made it even worse.

Crowley screamed and cried at both of them but Hastur and Justin were both unrepentant. After crying himself silly Crowley locked himself in the bathroom to wait for the others to leave before packing his things and leaving. He'd forgiven Justin for so so long even while he ruined every shred of confidence Crowley had but that was too far. Sleeping with your secretary is one thing but sleeping with your boyfriends brother is unforgivable.

After receiving many horrific insulting texts from both men Crowley called Hastur to tell him they would never speak again before blocking them. It hurt more than he ever thought possible but keeping those two toxic assholes in his life would be infinitely worse.

That night Crowley moved back into the tiny apartment above his flower shop and drank whiskey until he passed out. The next morning he spent hours sobbing, screaming and throwing things before heading to Az's shop to get a tattoo.

As his story winds down Crowley looks up to see Az's reaction but is stopped by the tears blurring his eyes. While quickly wiping at them with the hem of his shirt he misses the way Az wipes away his own tears with his sleeve. Both men are very emotional after the story so Az sets down his book, art forgotten for the first time, to give Crowley a hug.

Yesterday's hug was lovely but today's hug initiated by Az is so much nicer. This time the artist isn't simply humouring Crowley out of pity, he chose to hug the red head which must mean something. Crowley's not in any state to analyse exactly what it might mean so he settles for revealing in the feeling.

Az is shorter than him but quite plump and has the most perfect body for cuddling. It's like sinking into a life sized teddy bear except a million times better because strong arms hold him close and rub his back. Crowley doesn't intend to lose all his dignity and have a full sob but he can't deny a few tears escape and find a home in Az's sweater.

When the blond pulls back he gives Crowley a shaky smile and runs a hand through his hair "I'm so sorry my dear dear boy. I barely know you but I do know you deserve much more than what those bastards have given you. Of course I couldn't imagine what you're going through but I understand how much it hurts to have people you love treat you so cruelly"

Az's voice is soft and vulnerable so Crowley squeezes the artists waist and looks up at his angelic face "Who hurt you like that Az? I can't believe anyone could do such a thing to someone as amazing as you"

In an instant a hundred different expressions flash across Az's face before his expression falls. Crowley's about to apologise and quickly back out when Az presses Crowley's face back into his chest firmly "I'm sorry darling but I don't know you nearly enough to discuss such things. Perhaps one day in the distant future I'll feel comfortable baring my heart as you've done but for now I have to plead the fifth"

It hurts to know he isn't important enough for Az to trust but that's understandable. They've spent less than an hour together so expecting Az to spill his entire life history is ignorant at best, narcissistic at worst.

To distract from the returning ache in his heart Crowley scoffs, trying to act lighthearted "We're British you goober, you can't plead the fifth"

"Can and will, are you going to stop me?" Az replies with a giggle so Crowley simply shakes his head and lies his head comfortably against Az's chest. For a tattoo artist his wardrobe is very strange but Crowley is far from complaining. The last artist he went to thought leather and chains were the height of fashion which would make hugging much less enjoyable. Admittedly that was probably the point of him wearing that but the point still stands.

Az's grandpa sweaters are the softest thing Crowley's ever felt and do a wonderful job at subverting expectations about him. No one would expect the short plump blond man who dresses like a senior citizen to be an incredible tattoo artist with half his body covered in ink.

Az lets Crowley soak in more comfort from his body before pulling back and running another hand through the copper hair. Last time they met it was greasy and falling limp over his face but this morning Crowley managed to shower so he's looking much better. It's lovely and soft so Az can't help taking every chance he gets to play with it.

The look on Crowley's face is open and trusting so Az urges him to his feet then towards the chair "Come on dear, I want to check to make sure you weren't lying to me about the marker rubbing off. Did you want me to draw anything else on for you?"

Crowley lets himself be lead into position then shakes his head as Az pushes his shirt up "I wouldn't lie to you and I don't think I want anything else now, the whole tramp stamp thing was stupid"

"Glad you've seen reason, this will hopefully teach you a lesson that Az Fell is always right" Az murmurs as his eyes run over the smooth skin. There's not a trace of the drawing he did which is both wonderful to be able to forget about it but sad because Crowley no longer has Az's art on his skin.

Crowley seems comfortable in position so Az lets himself enjoy this a second longer. A man's lower back shouldn't be so appealing but for some reason it's almost impossible to look away.

To distract himself Az lets his eyes trail lower but comes to a very sudden realisation. Last time Az could see the waistband of Crowley's briefs above his jeans but this time he can't. A few carefully placed glances tell Az that the red head most definitely isn't wearing underwear today, or if he is it's a thong. Az can't quite figure out which option is more distressing so he forces himself to look away from Crowley's trousers.

With a hand against his burning cheeks he lets Crowley's shirt drop back into place and quickly steps away. They both move back to their armchairs while Az gives himself a stern pep talk. Anathema might not like him and Az himself might not like him at times but that doesn't change the fact that Az has a boyfriend. Kane isn't perfect but Az was the one who decided to get together with him so he owes him loyalty. Az is a lot of things but a cheater isn't one of them and he doesn't intend for one captivating man to change his fundamental morals.

Sensing Az's internal conflict Crowley quickly turns the subject to something easier. Not knowing if touch is ok he leans forward so their knees are almost brushing to ask "Can I see more of your tattoos?"

His tattoos are the thing Az loves most about himself so he's always extremely happy to show them off. Eagerly he pushes both sleeves up so Crowley can see his forearms. Crowley's eyes run over the Japanese piece on his left arm that he saw yesterday then move to the right arm. It's very different but equally beautiful, depicting what appears to be a biblical scene in full colour realism. The art is truly exquisite so Crowley takes in every detail he can until Az snaps his fingers to draw Crowley's attention.

"You like this one?"

"It's fucking beautiful, I love it"

"No need for crude language dear boy but thank you. I had a very talented artist in New York do it on a week long trip I had a decade or so ago. Religion can be rather controversial and painful to some people but theology has always interested me. I grew up in the church and while I don't quite follow my families Catholicism I do still consider myself spiritual so I thought it a good idea"

Crowley never considered Az's religious beliefs but it makes sense that someone who looks like an angel would also believe in angels. As a strong atheist Crowley can't relate to him on that point or quite understand his beliefs but fully respects them. It's obvious Az wouldn't be a hateful judgemental Christian like so many he's met so Crowley couldn't judge him for his personal views.

Since he has very little else to say about the subject Crowley turns to the other sleeve. Seeing his movement Az runs his fingers down his own forearm with a sigh "When I was in my 20s I spent a couple of years in Japan and fell in love with the culture and the art. The man who did his barely spoke any English but his work changed my life so I let him create me a sleeve without any input"

Az's face is full of happiness as he reminisces on his past, thinking back to those wonderful years. It was a turbulent time with his religion, his parents, his sexuality and his mental health but Japan changed all that. He went away a scared, anxious, closeted boy and came back someone confident with a backbone who finally knew who he was.

As memories wash over Az Crowley simply sits back and watches the delight on his face. No one could mistake the love the artist has for the country and that period of his life so Crowley's more than happy to let him enjoy it. The world can be a terrible place so if someone finds true happiness they should be allowed to bask in it for every possible second.

Eventually Az snaps out of his memories and looks at the red head across from him in apology "Sorry sweetheart, I think I zoned out there for a minute"

"You did but I don't mind, you looked so happy I wouldn't have wanted to disturb you"

Crowley's so nice that Az wants to talk to him more and get to know everything else about the mysterious man. For the rest of the appointment Crowley questions the tattoo artist who happily answers. It's all surface level about Az's art, how long he's been tattooing and what he enjoys most but feels special. Most people outside the tattoo world don't care enough to ask intelligent questions so Crowley is a lovely breath of fresh air.

When Anathema pokes her head in to tell Az to wrap it up he startles, not aware he'd been talking so long. There were many things he still wanted to say but now he has to go do his job like the professional he is.

Anathema leaves them to wrap up after a wink at Az so the blond gets to his feet. Crowley quickly scrambles up too so Az looks down to avoid staring or making the other man uncomfortable. As he gives Crowley a minute, Az catches sight of his abandoned sketchbook on the table and grabs it, ripping out the most recent page. None of the sketches are his best, most of them done with only half his attention as he listened to Crowley's tragic story, but they're still lovely.

This session didn't accomplish much but Az still hands the page to Crowley with a smile "I did some sketches for you, I know we didn't talk about what tattoo you might want but just take a look and let me know. If there's anything you like we can work on it another time or we can scrap it all and I'll draw you exactly what you want"

Crowley takes the page eagerly, folding it with reverent hands before tucking it in his back pocket.

Together they walk out again, Az watching as Crowley pays another consultation fee before leaving with nothing more than a shy wave. Anathema waits until he's out of sight before pouncing on him again, demanding to hear every detail.

When he finally manages to escape his overbearing best friend Az escapes to their private room to make himself a cup of tea. It's only as he sips his second cup of earl grey that he realises he still knows next to nothing about Crowley. Sure he knows the man's deepest regrets and pains from the last year but close to nothing else. He has no clue where the man works, what he's passionate about or even what his last name is.

Az ruminates on that over his tea before he finds reprieve in the idea that Anathema is undoubtedly setting up another appointment as he stands there. Her sneaky tactics can be aggravating but for once Az is glad to have a best friend who doesn't know when to quit.

A relationship with Crowley is impossible but maybe, just maybe, they have the seeds of something that could be a delightful friendship.


	3. Chapter 3

The walk back to his flower shop is a slow meander but Crowley feels in no rush. He just spent a wonderful hour with Az, talking about things he's never told anyone and finding out more about the angelic blond. It feels a little like he sold his soul to a tattoo artist just to see his tattoos and listen to him talk but in the best way possible. 

Crowley feels like he's walking on air and is already planning when he'll be able to go back. Adam was more than happy to cover the store while Crowley went to the studio but doesn't want to abandon the boy too often. He's showing great promise in the shop but is still barely out of secondary school and not knowledgeable enough to handle things completely.

The way Adam makes beautiful arrangements is close to magic but his customer service needs some work. He can be the nicest boy in the world when he wants to be but at the first sign of rudeness he loses his cool. Crowley's talked the boy down from putting itching powder in one too many bouquets to fully trust him. Adam might be like a son to Crowley but he won't make the mistake of giving full control of his store to a moody millennial with a short temper.

Adam waves enthusiastically as he enters the store and Crowley's glad to see everything still seems fine. Nothing's on fire and there's no dead bodies on the floor which he'd consider to be a win.

After handling things for an hour Crowley trusts Adams got things under control for another few minutes. He saunters into the back of the shop and spreads out in his favourite chair at the table he uses to do pre-made bouquets.

While talking he was too caught up in his own dramas to notice Az drawing but it's sweet he bothered to do it. The rational part of Crowley says he was just doing the job he was supposed to do but the hopeless romantic part of him silences it. Az didn't just draw what Crowley asked him to draw, he listened to the darkest parts of Crowley's psych and made beautiful art from it.

If he starts thinking too hard about the previous hour Crowley doesn't know what his emotions will do so he focuses on the art. Some of them are nothing more than hazy pencil sketches and some are more defined but all are beautiful. After looking over each drawing Crowley's eyes focus on one in particular.

The sketch is relatively simple, nothing more than a pair of wings with a snake wrapped around them and stars in the background. It's nothing special but it resonates with Crowley in a way very few things do. It might just be because of his developing feelings for Az or because it includes elements Crowley loves but it's something he badly wants on his body. If it wouldn't make him look like a crazy person Crowley would rush back to the studio and demand to have it tattooed immediately.

Instead he stays at the table tracing each and every line of the drawing. It will be interesting to talk to Az again and find out exactly why he thought this would be good and hear him talk it through. Wings are something Crowley identifies with the artist not with himself so he wants to know where it came from. Maybe it was simply an artistic decision for aesthetics but if it's something deeper Crowley would love to know. If someone could listen to his dark ugly feelings and use them to draw a beautiful pair of wings Crowley needs to hear why.

The snake is something prominent throughout every design, Az correctly assuming Crowley's love for them. In his youth he believed it was because they were fierce and scary so the tattoo would make him look like a badass. Though he still likes those connotations Crowley's starting to think there might be a deeper meaning.

Snakes are seen as disgusting and scary but Crowley's flatmate many years ago had a pet snake and it was charming. Crowley spent too many hours to count simply watching it in its enclosure, loving everything about it. The bad reputation of snakes hides a beautiful creature and perhaps that's why Crowley identifies so strongly with them. Az saw the snake tattoo on Crowley's bicep and drew a conclusion most people never bother to consider. 

Unconsciously Crowley's fingers migrate upwards to trace the tattoo by his ear. Whoever told teenage Crowley getting a snake tattoo on his face was a wonderful idea deserves nothing but the worst karma. Luckily Crowley's hair manages to cover it to everyone but those who are trying to find it but it's a constant reminder of worse days.

With a sigh Crowley carefully tucks the piece of paper into his phone before heading out to the front. Adam's busy watering the house plants so Crowley checks up on the days sales and tries to get back to being a responsible store owner. Letting your employee do the work while you pine over someone unattainable is all well and good but eventually you have to come back to reality.

The rest of Crowley's day is filled with light banter with Adam and a short lived water fight involving a plant mister and a hose. After being interrupted by a shocked looking young women asking for roses Crowley tramps off to change his clothes. Despite lots of grumbling about kids not playing fair and future revenge Crowley's smile never wavers. Currently there's two people he genuinely likes and he's gotten the company of them both today. Adam and Az are both a little weird in their own ways but are easily two of the best people ever.

Ever since the breakup Adam's been trying everything he can to cheer his boss up so seeing him happy is the biggest relief. He feels some pride for helping with it but knows that it was probably going to the tattoo shop again that did most of it. Crowley hasn't been willing to talk about what happened there more than saying he's considering a tattoo but Adam knows better. Planning to get a tattoo wouldn't break his boss out of a week long depressive phase but Adam isn't willing to push. In time when it's clear Crowley's good mood is here to stay he'll try to find out what exactly inspired it in the first place.

After a long day Crowley lets Adam go home with yet another of the succulents that aren't growing right. If Adam didn't love the plants with all his heart Crowley might think he was ruining them on purpose. A little too many of the plants end up going home with him so Crowley's suspicious but not enough to try to stop it. The boys attachment to living things is too cute for Crowley to try to stop for the sake of a few pounds worth of lost plants. 

Once Adam's gone and the stores locked up Crowley tramps back upstairs to his tiny apartment. He lived there for more than 5 years while running the flower shop before meeting Justin and moving in together. Justin was relatively wealthy so their apartment was much nicer than anything Crowley could have managed on his own. Now after that brief stint at luxury, being back in the flat over the flower shop only adds another layer to his pain.

The flat isn't bad but it's made up of only three rooms - a bedroom, a bathroom and a combined kitchen and living area. It's warm and comfortable but Crowley's things are still in bags so the flat feels empty and impersonal. Crowley knows he shouldn't complain because at least he has a roof over his head but that doesn't take away the pain. Living with Justin was very toxic at the end but at least he had a nice home and someone to make him feel less alone. Now all he has is a tiny flat and two friends, one who's not drinking age yet and one who he only met a week ago. It's a lonely existence but Crowley's doing his best to make it work.

After making himself a hot chocolate and reheating some Chinese takeout from the fridge Crowley settles down for a night watching Golden Girls. Justin said it was stupid so now he's alone he can watch his favourite show as much as he wants. It's a small victory but those are all Crowley has to cling onto at the moment.

The next morning sees Crowley opening his shop promptly at 8am, feeling refreshed and ready to work. He fell asleep on the couch somewhere around episode 7 so got much more sleep than he normally gets.

Adam arrives late, yet again, but makes up for it by bringing breakfast. When he first started working there the two of them quickly bonded over their love of plants then over their love of terrible fast food. Neither of them have the best eating habits so getting greasy fast food breakfasts quickly became a tradition. It's awfully bad for them but they decided eating something bad is better than not eating so that's where they're at.

When Adam arrives with McDonald's pancakes Crowley cheers and doesn't even get revenge on the kid for yesterday. He was planning an attack with his plant mister as Adam stepped through the door but can't risk his pancakes.

While stuffing their faces on pancakes and syrup Adam remembers a big order he took yesterday. Despite Adam's hatred of dealing with customers, big orders are always the best. Selling the occasional bouquet or houseplant keeps the store running but bulk orders are where they make the money. Weddings are a common one which neither man likes but make so much money that Crowley can never bring himself to refuse.

The wedding is apparently for a young couple getting married in 2 months so they sketch out some ideas. The couple didn't seem to know what they wanted so Crowley will come up with some ideas that they'll hopefully like. Adam says they're bringing their mothers with them to decide next time which Crowley knows will be a nightmare. In every wedding there seems to be at least one overbearing diva of a mother who tries to do their job better than them. At least the bride and groom seem like lovely people so that gets rid of the painful possibility of a bridezilla.

After they've come up with some ideas for good autumn flowers that will look lovely, people start coming into the store. While Adam finishes his breakfast Crowley goes out to answer people's questions and make some sales.

It's a busy morning so they don't get to talk properly until it's lunchtime and the store is empty. Neither of them are fond of silence so Adam turns on some music while they joke around.

Adam's friend Pepper had a phase when they had just graduated secondary school where she would only listen to people she determined were feminist icons. Now two years later Adam's playlists are still catering to that so they get a weird mix of female artists throughout the years. Crowley's not sure Cardi B and Aretha Franklin belong side by side on a playlist but is too tired to argue with the boys strange tastes. There's only so many times you can listen to Bodak Yellow before you give up on life and let your ridiculous employee run wild.

In the middle of Adam's dramatic lip-syncing of Taylor Swift the bell over the front door rings. Crowley throws a rag at Adam to try to make him stop before winding his way through the rows of plants to the counter.

His good mood instantly drops as Crowley sees his brother Hastur standing there scowling. It's too late to escape back into the plants and get Adam to chase him off so Crowley steels himself.

As soon as Hastur sees him he smirks and turns to face Crowley "There's my little bitch of a brother, I was hoping you'd have gotten rid of this stupid shop by now"

"Not a chance in Hell asshole"

"Just because you're a fag doesn't mean you have to act like one so openly"

"You fucked my boyfriend Hastur, I don't think you have any right to insult me for being gay"

"I'm not shitting on you for being gay, I'm shitting on you for being a fucking priss"

All three of Crowley's siblings, Hastur, Ligur and Beelzebub joined the army right after secondary school but Crowley never did. Fighting to serve his country was never his style so he never pretended it was something he was interested in. While they went to boot camp and toured middle eastern countries, he moved out at 18 and tried to avoid that life. At first he bounced between minimum wage jobs before finding employment at a plant nursery. It changed his life so for the next 10 years he took every nature related job he could find before getting enough money to open his own flower shop.

None of Crowley's siblings have ever supported his life decisions, thinking he made a huge mistake not joining the army. Beelzebub was much older and never interested in their younger siblings so they simply pretended Crowley didn't exist. Hastur and Ligur never seemed to be able to give him a break though. They were only a couple years older than Crowley and made it their mission in life to taunt him. In retrospect Crowley shouldn't have been too surprised to hear Hastur would steal Crowley's boyfriend out of spite, it's right on track for him.

While Hastur goes off on his usual tirade about Crowley being weak and useless the red head can only sigh. He walks around watering his plants, despite Adam having already done it, simply for something to take his mind off it.

Crowley's holding back tears over an aloe vera plant when Hastur comes over to shove his shoulder. When he sees his brothers watery eyes Hastur only laughs "Fucking pussy, no wonder our parents hated you and no one can ever love you. Hope you don't mind if I keep fucking that hunk of yours, he has an amazing cock as I'm sure you know"

Hastur walks out cackling to himself while Crowley sinks to the floor, full out sobbing now. Every time he sees his siblings he feels a million times worse because they're too good at hitting him where it hurts. He'd worked so hard to let Az and Adam improve his mood but now it's in the gutter again. 

As long as Hastur and Justin stayed away he could focus on healing and learning to be happy again but now he's back in his self destructive thoughts. He was only holding himself together with a thread and as he always does, Hastur neatly snipped that thread and brought all of Crowley's mental fragility crashing down. 

Adam finds his boss collapsed on the ground sobbing so quickly pulls him into a hug. It's not quite as nice as hugging Az but Crowley will take any piece of affection he can get. There's very few people who care enough to comfort him so he'd be stupid to turn it down.

They kneel on the floor as Crowley cries until Adam remembers they still have to run a business. The stores still empty but someone could come in at any moment so they need to move.

After some coaxing Adam drags his boss to his feet and walks him upstairs to his apartment. Crowley's too weak and upset to argue so he lets himself get tucked into bed while Adam makes more hot chocolate. They hear the bell go in the shop so Crowley takes the warm cup then let's Adam scamper off.

Between customers Adam comes up to check on him but Crowley stays curled up in bed. He's too distraught to sleep but moving seems like an insurmountable task. While drowsing in and out of sleep he's vaguely aware of his phone vibrating in his pocket but can't answer, terrified it'll be Hastur again. Eventually Adam comes to take the phone then makes Crowley another hot chocolate before sitting with him.

It's already starting to get dark so in a husky voice Crowley orders Adam home, promising he'll be fine. Being alone will be upsetting but he can't expect a 20 year old to nurse their boss all night instead of hanging out with friends. Crowley knows Adam's little gang planned to see the new Star Wars movie tonight and couldn't live with himself if he ruined that.

After one last hug Adam leaves, Crowley listening to the door slam and Adam's footsteps clump down the stairs before there's silence. Crowley's hands shake as he finishes his drink before turning on the tv. He has no plan to actually watch Coronation Street but needs the white noise to stop himself going crazy.

While dramatic British people shout at each other Crowley pulls out his phone to go back to Az's instagram. He's spent too much time on there since they met but can't stop himself yet again. There's only two actual pictures of the angelic blond but almost a hundred of his art which are more than enough. After a good hour of stalking Crowley unfolds Az's drawings from his phone case and spends more time looking at them. It calms him down to a degree, enough that the pressure on his chest lightens and he feels he can properly breath again.

The drawing with the wings and snake still attracts him the most so in that moment Crowley makes a decision. He's wanted to get another tattoo from a good artist for a long time so now is a good time to do it. After so long of dealing with their shit he's cutting ties with his abusive family and toxic ex so this is going to be a new chapter of his life. From now on he's going to surround himself with people like Az and Adam who are kind and truly care for him. If Crowley gets the tattoo it'll be a reminder of this promise to himself every time he looks at his own body.

Crowley's glad the lovely girl at the desk, Anathema, booked him for another appointment next week while they waited for Az. Having to call and request another would be too much for his delicate mental health to handle right now. If Crowley wasn't such an anxious mess he'd drop by to see Az some time to make himself feel better but can't bring himself to do it.

Adam will probably try to talk him into going to the tattoo shop but Crowley's determined not to give in to his employees peer pressure. The friendship between him and Az is still very very new so he can't do anything to jeopardise it before it's even started. He doesn't even know the man's real name or his age so he can't scare the artist away before he finds out.

After a restless night of insomnia and nightmares Crowley drags himself down to the shop at 8 as always. For what must be the first time in all his years working there, Adam's already waiting outside, breakfast in hand. It's not quite enough to make Crowley smile but lifts his spirits enough to make the day seem bearable.

While they both chew on hash browns Adam makes his plan for the day clear. He knows his boss isn't going to be overly fond of it but spent the walk here telling himself he wasn't going to listen to a word the man said. Crowley's known for many things but a sense of self preservation isn't one of them.

When Adam tells him he's being banished from the counter Crowley starts to argue but cuts himself off. Dealing with bratty impatient customers is only going to make him feel worse so maybe it will be nice to have a break. He'll stay close enough to stop Adam from doing or saying anything completely unprofessional but will focus on the plants. Nothing improves his spirits better than spending hours surrounded by lush green foliage that he's nurtured by hand since it was a seed.

It was the easiest fight Adam's ever had to he rewards himself with another hash brown before they get to work. Crowley spends the morning watering the plants, trimming off brown leaves and doing the occasional bit of shouting at ugly plants when the stores empty. This combined with listening to Adam loudly sing three full albums worth of Rihanna songs word for word puts him in a relatively good mood.

Hastur's words are still plaguing the back of his mind but not prominent enough to incapacitate him anymore. He might break down again tonight when it's quiet and lonely in his flat but for now he's content in his little world.

Once the plants have been suitably harassed Crowley retreats to their backroom. He spends the rest of the day flipping through albums of work he's done in the past, looking for inspiration. They've got a wedding coming up in two weeks which they've fully planned the arrangements for then a couple more in the next three months which need work. Both are autumn weddings which are Crowley's favourite so he spends a pleasant afternoon flipping through books and scribbling notes.

At closing time Adam helps pack up then joins him at the table to go over everything he's been working on. Crowley's written up a nice selection of options so over the next few days he'll sketch them out then make mock ups. He knows there are definitely easier ways to make example bouquets than with paper flowers but he enjoys it. Going to craft stores with Adam is always good fun and so is spending days cursing while they attempt to make paper flowers. Plus the end results are pretty and can stay in the store for most of the season without going off like regular flowers.

The rest of the week is passed in a haze, Crowley throwing himself into his work as a distraction. Even suffering through a consultation with an engaged couple and their feuding mothers is better than being alone in his own mind. Hastur hasn't tried to contact him again or come to attack him in person which makes shoving those memories away much easier.

Despite much insistence from Adam, Crowley doesn't go to see Az at all that week. Even after he tries to explain to his employee that they're not proper friends and the artist wouldn't want to see him, he's relentless. Being Crowley's only friend has always worried him so Adam's very enthusiastically latched onto the idea of a new friend.

If he was anyone else he might feel jealous about loosing Crowley to someone more suitable but Adam's only glad to see him happy. He has his friends Pepper, Brian and Wensleydale as well as his boyfriend Warlock so it's about time Crowley finds someone too. Az sounds wonderful so Adam wants nothing more than to see them happy together, whether their relationship is platonic or something more. 

Crowley's perfectly aware of these wishes Adam has but ignores them as well as he can. It's only a few days until his next appointment so he'll do the respectable thing an wait until then to see Az.


	4. Chapter 4

Unknown to the four of them, Anathema, Adam, Az and Crowley all count down the hours until Crowley comes back to the tattoo shop. As the moment gets closer all four of them get more and more nervous. Anathema and Adam because they know what neurotic messes their bosses are, Crowley and Az because they also know what neurotic messes they are. A lot of hopes are riding on this friendship working out so four hearts would be broken if anything happened to ruin it.

As soon as the clock hits 12 on the day Crowley's leaping to his feet, abandoning sunflowers all over the counter. He gives them a regretful look but is shooed out by Adam before he can worry about anything too much. Without coaxing it's doubtful Crowley would leave the shop out of pure terror so he needs to be herded like a sheep.

Walking in to the shop Crowley's heart is beating but he's comforted by Anathema beaming at him. The girl seems to spend more time than she should behind the desk and Crowley means to ask her about it. Little does he know the tattoo artist specifically timed her appointments around his to make sure she was here for this. Nothing on earth could convince her to miss seeing the awkward delight of Az and Crowley meeting again. Her boss is usually quite composed and put together so watching him completely lose that at the sight of an attractive man is always good for a laugh.

They spend a few minutes chatting about some new crystals Anathema got until they're silenced by a shriek. Crowley takes a nervous step towards the noise but Anathema scoffs and kicks her feet up on the desk.

With a dramatic eye roll she says "That's Az's current client, she's absolutely ridiculous and has been doing that the entire time. Every time the poor man tries to put a drop of ink in her she and her sister scream and carry on like he's Jack the Ripper"

Crowley is distracted from feeling sorry for Az by Anathema sharing her theories on who Jack the Ripper really was. As most kids did, Crowley also had a true crime phase in his teen years so only half listens to her talk. Instead he lets his mind drift to Az and he promises himself he won't act anything like that when Az tattoos him. 

He's much too dignified to act like a child and would grit his teeth through anything to keep his dignity in front of Az. As someone with a face tattoo Crowley knows exactly how much some tattoos hurt so a simple tattoo should be easy for him. The only real issue is whether he'll end up popping a boner from Az's hands on him. The pain kink Crowley discovered with his first boyfriend may also cause a slight issue in these plans. A beautiful man touching him and inflicting pain might be a little too much for him to handle with any kind of grace.

Halfway through Anathema's conspiracy theories two girls come out of Az's room giggling and whispering. While they pay Az comes out, looking visibly drained but perks up at the sight of Crowley slouching by the counter. He starts towards Crowley, ready to spend a delightful hour with the other man but is stopped by one of the girls.

The girl leans in to put a hand very intimately on Az's chest and mutters in what she must think is a seductive voice "I'm single so if you ever wanted to have some fun here's my number, I love a naughty older man"

Crowley has to shove a fist in his own mouth to stop his laughter. If anyone in the room was going to be up for that it most definitely wouldn't be Az. Neither Anathema or Crowley are extremely promiscuous but have the kind of look that leads people to believe they're easy. For someone to decide that Az with his grandpa sweaters and extreme British politeness is the best candidate for a fling is quite frankly hilarious.

While Anathema and Crowley try not to piss themselves laughing Az awkwardly removes the girls hand from his chest. He very much dislikes the girl but can't bring himself to say something nasty. Instead he steps back and clears his throat "Sorry my dear, I'm much much to old for you and even if I was interested in jail bait, I don't swing that way"

With a shrug the girl goes back to her sister and they leave the salon. As they walk out Crowley very clearly hears the girl tell her sister she needs a gay best friend and they start arguing about possible candidates.

Anathema immediately starts looking up the girls information to make a note of what a terrible client she is while Az feels humiliated. It's far from the first time he's experienced mild homophobia, especially in his profession, but having it happen with Crowley here is terrible. Putting on a good face in front of the red head is hard enough as it is so all this does is make it ten times worse. Making friends has always been hard for him so Az isn't sure where to go from this situation.

When he risks a glance up at Crowley he's shocked to see the scowl on the red heads face. He looks on the brink of murdering someone so Az steps forward to wrap a hand around his wrist "Come my dear, lets go to my room"

Crowley follows easily but once the door is closed he groans and kicks at a chair "What a fucking bitch, who made her think she had the right to be a terrible client then be a homophobic asshole as well?"

He seems ready to go on an Anathema level rant so Az again takes his wrist to comfort him. The indignation on his behalf is very flattering but that's not really his style. The girl was infuriating but the situation is done now so he'd prefer for everyone to forget about the whole thing. It's been too long since he last saw Crowley so he'd much prefer to spend time on happier things.

"Don't worry about it dear, it's nothing new and I'm not hurt by it" Az murmurs which makes Crowley even more upset.

"You shouldn't be used to it, you put your beautiful art on her body and she treated you like shit. She has no right to act like that and not be punished for it"

"Crowley my darling please calm down. The tattoo industry isn't known for being the most tolerant so I've experienced much harsher abuse than that. She was young and silly so she said something offensive that probably wasn't meant to be perceived as rude. If I reacted badly every time someone said something borderline homophobic to me I wouldn't have any customers left"

The hand drawing circles on his wrist is the only thing stopping Crowley from blowing up again. He knows Az is right and it's a silly thing to get upset about but he can't help himself. Az is the sweetest man Crowley's ever met and deserves nothing but love, acceptance and kindness. Seeing someone disrespect him so blatantly and publicly hurts Crowley in a way he never expected.

Crowley's always been varying degrees of sexually ambiguous so has also experienced a lot of hate. It's not hard to brush it off and curse the person out in private but when it's someone he cares about its much worse. Az doesn't even seem angry about it so Crowley can't help wondering how many people have been cruel to him in his life.

Az watches the other man struggle before caving and pulling him into a hug. The homophobia hurt Crowley much more than it hurt Az so it makes the artist curious. He doesn't know whether it's because Crowley's experienced a lot of bullying himself or if he's being protective over Az. Either way it makes Az feel a rush of emotion towards his new friend that would have made him stumble if he wasn't holding Crowley.

The hug does a good job at calming him down so Crowley clutches at the front of Az's sweater as he mutters "You know I'm gay too right? People have talked a lot of shit over the years and I know what it's like"

He's such a darling man so Az cradles him closer and nods with a chuckle "Of course I know you're gay my dear boy, we had a rather long chat last time about your ex boyfriend so it would be silly if I thought you were straight. I appreciate the sentiment though and I'm sorry you had to be here for that"

"Fuck I'm a disaster but yeah, sorry you had to go through that"

"I'm ok sweetheart I promise and I know you're upset but please watch the language"

The more upset Crowley gets the cruder his language gets so he doesn't even want to think about what he might have said. Az is so very polite and must be rather scandalised by his dirty mouth.

When Az lets him so Crowley collapses into the armchair he's claimed for himself while Az sits primly across from him. They watch each other silently until Az says "Has your sexuality ever made problems in your job darling? I realised after out last session that I don't know what you do for a living"

"I'm a florist, own a flower shop down the street. It doesn't really cause problems because no one asks about relationships when I give them flowers. Plus I'm a middle aged man working in a flower shop, not the most heterosexual of professions"

That gets a laugh out of Az which warms Crowley to the core. Any time he's the cause of a smile or laugh from the beautiful blond it feels like he's won something. Making someone as angelic and perfect as Az feel any kind of happiness is the most satisfying feeling.

Az asks a few questions about his shop which Crowley is more than happy to talk about until he remembers the point of this. Spending time with him is always nice but Crowley also really wants to plan his tattoo. He's spent all week looking at the sketches and thinking about them so if he has to wait another week it would be torture.

Eagerly he pulls the crumbled paper from his phone case and smooths it out on his knee "I've been looking at your drawings a lot and I think I know what I want"

"Ah spiffing" Az says as he leans forward to look at them "What did you decide on?"

"This one" Crowley replies confidently, pointing at the snake and wings he's been loving all week. A range of emotions go through Az's face before he settles into mild terror.

Az's shaking hands cover Crowley's and he coughs delicately "For full disclosure I need to tell you I didn't mean to draw that, I'm very sorry. The wings are similar to ones I have tattooed so I didn't realise I'd drawn that"

Crowley's face falls as he looks down at the drawing. That wasn't at all what he was expecting so he's already slightly in mourning of the tattoo he'd been imagining in his head.

The sorrow on Crowley's face cuts Az deep so he reaches up to cup the florists cheek "I'm sorry my darling boy, I'm sure you're aware of most tattoo artists stance on matching tattoos so I wouldn't feel right doing it. Even though it won't be that way for us, if we have such similar designs it would change things. We have such a lovely friendship developing so I would hate to damage that or do anything that could upset you in the future if it all goes wrong"

It makes complete sense but hurts both of them all the same. Crowley's still upset that this amazing piece of artwork is the one thing he can't get but doesn't dwell on it for too long. When it registers in his mind that Az just called them friends so easily it cheers him right up. He'd been thinking the same thing privately but hearing it confirmed solidifies his feelings.

When Az sees Crowley's face change to something more pleasant a rush of joy goes through him. Upsetting a client is never enjoyable but the fact he was also upsetting his new friend felt utterly terrible.

Crowley lets out a long sigh then squeezes the hand holding his "Don't worry about it Az, just means we'll have to make something new together that's even better"

It's an obvious change of subject to get onto a happier topic so Az takes it happily. If it was up to him he'd fret over his mistake all day but doesn't want to dwell on something if it's going to upset his friend.

Az scrambles to grab his sketchbook and move to perch on the arm of Crowley's chair, desperate to be closer. It'll make drawing a little awkward but it's worth it to be able to touch Crowley and see his reactions as Az draws.

When Crowley sees the artist moving closer he leaps out of his chair then shuffles his feet "Sit here, you need it more than me, I insist"

The painfully British part of Az wants to protest but the pushover part can't let him say no to anything Crowley wants. Feeling conflicted Az sinks into the chair Crowley vacated, letting out a soft hum at the residual warmth from the red heads body. Crowley leans over Az as close as he can without violating the artists personal space too much.

Az leans over slightly so their shoulders brush then gives the florist a blinding smile "So sweetheart what were we thinking? Throw out ideas and I'll make some sketches"

While Crowley ponders Az starting lazily doodling a snake but is stopped by Crowley's hand on his wrist. The red head looks much more uncomfortable than a second ago and stutters out "I... I know you like the snakes and I do too but I wanted to maybe do something different if that's ok"

"Of course sweet boy, this is your body and your tattoo"

"I'm sorry, I've already got a couple of snakes so I don't want to just be the snake guy"

"Give me some other ideas then, what else makes Crowley happy?"

That's a question Crowley's asked himself hundreds of times over the years and still doesn't have many good answers to. There's things he enjoys or that people define him by but he's never been good at working out what exactly he enjoys.

It's always seemed like such a deep question that people throw around like its nothing. Saying you like rap music or play in a soccer team is easy but it's always run deeper than that for Crowley. Figuring out what truly makes him happy has been a struggle so sharing those things with people he doesn't know is often exposing and violating.

Rather than spill any of the turmoil in his head Crowley tried to come up with a more socially acceptable answer. "You know I'm a florist and I'm gay so I was wondering about something with rainbow flowers. It's dumb and girly but I feel like I need something nature based since it's my whole life"

That's something Az can work with so his pencil starts flying across the paper. He doesn't know what specific plants Crowley likes or what he was intending but is already overflowing with creativity that he has to let out.

Silence has always been something Az doesn't deal with well so while he frantically draws he searches for a conversation topic.

"What other tattoos do you have? I've only seen the one"

"I have two others, not a lot compared to you but it's something"

"Care to show me?"

"One's a Queen quote on my thigh which would be hard to show you and the other is really embarrassing"

The snake tattoo on his face is something Crowley's always avoided showing people if possible. After the first few people told him it ruined his face he stopped trying to kid himself into thinking it wasn't too bad. It's one of the things Crowley regrets most about his life so he'd do anything to go back in time and never make the stupid decision.

It was a stick and poke tattoo done by a friend while Crowley was roaring drunk but isn't terrible. Compared to some other homemade tattoos his friends at the time had it was actually rather good. The tattoo never got infected and was a decently done design which Crowley is grateful for. As terrible as it is, he knows it could be much much worse so tries not to complain too much, despite his deep hatred for it.

Az doesn't push to see it, simply containing to draw while Crowley fights with himself. Eventually he looks up at the red head with a fondly exasperated look "Don't fret dear, I was simply curious and trying to make conversation, forget I ever asked"

Crowley takes a deep breath, keeping eye contact with Az while he brushes the hair out of his face. For a second they continue to stare at each other then Az's eyes drift across to the tattoo.

Not able to watch the artists judgment Crowley closes his eyes, ready for Az's disdain about bad tattoos. 

When a hand touches his face Crowley's eyes shoot open but he stays still under Az's touch. The blond cups Crowley's jaw to keep him in place while the thumb of his other hand traces the tattoo. He looks curious but not disgusted which is already a better reaction than Crowley's used to getting.

After tracing the snake a couple of times Az smiles softly "A teenage mistake my dear?"

"I was 19 so I was legal at least"

"Still a teenager though, it's done better than I'd expect"

"It's not good but it could be a lot shittier"

He gets a reproachful glare at the swear word but Az doesn't linger on the topic. Instead the artist gives Crowley's jaw a gentle squeeze before letting go of him and returning to his sketchpad.

Head reeling from the closeness and shocking acceptance of his tattoo, Crowley fumbles for something else to say. Watching Az draw can be delightful but having the blonds full attention on him is much much nicer.

"You have any shi- crappy tattoos? I presume you must since you have so many"

Az looks up and crinkles his nose in the most adorable way "Unfortunately I do, I have a pot of jam on my toe"

That wasn't what Crowley was expecting so he snorts and leans closer "Toe jam?"

"Don't laugh darling, my friends thought it was hilarious when we were 16 and high off our arses"

"16 huh?"

"Not my proudest moment, got the wing tattoo as my first when I was 15 during a turbulent adolescence"

"Can I see it?"

A look of terror passes over Az's angelic face before he looks away, shaking his head urgently "Afraid not dear boy, they're not in a place I care to share with anyone, sorry to disappoint"

Wanting to move on quickly, Az starts sketching again, leaving Crowley with a head of very interesting thoughts. Az's refusal indicates the wings are somewhere private and Crowley's not short on ideas of where that could be. His first is that it's a tramp stamp then his next is somewhere around his hips which leads in a bad direction. Imagining Az having a tattoo near his crotch does very embarrassing things in Crowley's trousers and makes him desperate to see it one day.

Oblivious to the increasingly dirty thoughts in the florists head, Az sketches on. He's done a couple of designs and is rather proud of himself for them. Crowley's a beautiful man but decidedly masculine so his tattoo should reflect that, not something overwhelming girly. Making flowers masculine isn't the easiest thing but Az has many years of experience doing things that aren't the easiest.

With Crowley perched next to him, occasionally giving pointers and suggesting suitable plants, Az creates a beautiful piece. It takes them almost an hour so when they both slouch back, they're exhausted but satisfied. The design shows multiple of Crowley's favourite flowed in various colours intertwined with a couple of Crowley's other favourite plants. They'd never talked about placement but agree it'll look perfect on Crowley's forearm.

Crowley's considered getting his arm tattooed with something over the years but never gone through with it. Despite his strong aversion to anything religious or spiritual he has to think it was fate. He's had years to cover his skin in ink but never followed through, instead waiting for Az to come along and create something utterly perfect.

Once the drawing is done Az tears it from his book then tucks it away in a folder with other client designs. Despite Crowley's assurances that he would never ever lose it, he feels much more comfortable keeping it himself. After so much work, loosing it because of a silly error from the florist would be shattering.

With the drawing tucked away Az returns to his chair and chuckles to himself "Feels good to finish art for a new client, always my favourite feeling"

"I'm so glad, for the first time I'm actually excited to get a tattoo"

"You should always feel that way, I'm sorry you've never experienced that before but I'm honoured to be your first"

The wording makes both men laugh as Crowley hesitantly removes himself from his perch on the side of Az's chair. While he was drawing he had an excuse to be there and watch but now it's intrusive and awkward. The artist is too polite to say anything but Crowley can't imagine him liking someone intruding on his personal space.

Once settled in his another chair Crowley throws his head back, exposing his long pale neck as he relaxes. With eyes glued to the red heads throat Az brings up something he'd forgotten about until now. "You know darling I was thinking the other day and realised I don't know your last name"

Crowley freezes in place, face dropping into a frown faster than Az can blink. Instead of looking relaxed and comfortable he looks like someone wholly uncomfortable in their own body "I don't tell people my name, I don't want anyone using it"

"You don't have to tell me dear boy, I was curious but I won't mention it again"

They stare silently at each other for a long time before Crowley lets out a groan "My... My real name is Anthony Crawly but no ones called me that for decades. I've only gone by Crowley since I was a teenager so even my asshole siblings caught on eventually. Please don't call me it, I hate it with everything in me"

"Oh Crowley dear don't worry, I would never dead name anyone so if you'd like to be called Crowley that's what you'll be called"

"It's not a dead name, I'm cis"

"It's a name you don't go by anymore so it's a dead name, it's just as valid as anyone else's and I respect it completely"

Az knows Crowley doesn't like the direction of this conversation so turns it back on himself. He asked a hard question Crowley wasn't fully alright with answering so he deserves to give the same in return. 

"In case you wondered my full name is Aziraphale, it's impossible to pronounce and gives off the wrong impression so I much prefer Az. Very few people outside my family know but since you trusted me with yours I thought it appropriate to return the favour"

With a smile spreading across his face Crowley's body moulds back into the armchair again, returning to his lounging posture " Hm... Aziraphale... Name of an angel yeah?"

"Unfortunately correct"

"I like it, weird but pretty, I promise not to say it again though"

"You can if you like my dear, I have no qualms with it except people's reactions so if it pleases you to call me it, you may"

Crowley's not sure how he feels about it but promises himself to ponder it long and hard tonight. He had briefly wondered if Az was a fake name or a nickname but never could have guessed the reality. It's certainly a strange name but somehow feels just right with Az.

Now that both of them have shared secrets they quickly return to lighter topics. Trusting each other with things they wouldn't tell most other people is nice but gets intense very quickly. For two people who haven't known each other long and don't have many other friends, the hard parts of friendship are very awkward.

After more light chat about tattoos and Az's job, their session finishes so Az walks his friend out. He waits while Crowley pays Anathema and books a session in another week then hovers. 

Crowley smiles at his friend then turns to go before spinning back around in a hurry and blurting out "My shop is called Garden of Eden, you should come by sometime and I can get you some flowers for the shop, might be nice"

"I would love that Crowley dear, I'll pop by sometime in the next few days when I'm on break"

"Awesome, hope to see you soon angel, have a good day"

Crowley leaves the shop with a smirk on his face while Anathema turns to look at the blushing blond tattoo artist "Did he just call you angel?"

"Yeah Ana, I told him about my tattoo and full name so I guess he thought it was fitting"

"You mean the tattoo that-"

"Yes my dear, no need to tell the whole world"

"Did you show him? Did he like it?"

"For Gods sake Ana, no I didn't show him. Goodness only knows what he'd think if I tried to show him something like that, we barely know each other"

"He looks like he'd be into it, live a little you old geezer"

Anathema throws him a smile to show she's only joking before turning back to the computer in front of her.

For someone who's a very in demand tattoo artist the way Anathema manages to make time to spy on Az and Crowley is rather impressive. It always takes some fast talking and nagging of clients but she always managed it so far. Watching her boss make an arse of himself in front of a gorgeous man is too good of an opportunity to turn down.

When she looks up again Az still hasn't moved so Anathema smirks and leans forward "So we're going to his flower shop at lunchtime tomorrow then?"

"We? Don't you have clients Ana?"

"We just so happen to both have a free hour from 12 til 1 tomorrow at the perfect time to visit your new boy toy, what a coincidence"

Az doesn't even want to know how she managed to pull that off so settles for agreeing then retreating to his backroom where he's safe from further humiliation.


	5. Chapter 5

Crowley is a jittering ball of anxiety and Adam has absolutely no idea what to do with him. Dealing with his depressive episode after the breakup was hard but at least he knew what was wrong and could try to help. Now his boss is a complete wreck but seems happier than he has in months which is utterly confusing.

If he didn't know Crowley had sworn off anything harder than weed after his 20s Adam would think he was off his head on drugs.

After a morning of messy Crowley running all over the store, cussing out his plants and attempting to clean, Adams had enough. It takes a few minutes to catch the red head but finally he gets ahold of him and frog marches him to the front counter.

Adam stands over Crowley while he chugs down a bottle of water then asks "What the hell is wrong with you? Did someone replace your morning coffee with cocaine?"

Crowley snorts and kicks at his employees thigh "Don't be daft, if you must know Az is coming to the store one day to get flowers"

As Crowley ducks his head to hide the way his face flushes he misses Adam's shit eating grin. That makes so much sense and Adam feels very happy with this turn of events. Seeing Crowley's mental health decline again would be painful but seeing him panic over seeing his crush is adorably wholesome.

When Crowley looks up he sees Adam watching him with undisguised affection and huffs loudly "Stop fucking looking at me, it's nothing"

"Of course, let's get the shop nice for when he gets here"

"It might not be for a few days but thank you, don't tell anyone but I love you ratbag"

Adam's smile only widens as he follows his boss through the store, following his instructions to tidy up. You'd have to be blind not to see how much Crowley cares for his young friend but hearing him admit to it is rare. He shows his love in countless tiny ways every day but grand verbal declarations have always seemed cringy and unnecessary. Adam knows it won't happen again any time soon so he holds onto the moment proudly, knowing he's one of few to ever hear it.

The morning is spent attempting to clean dirt and fertiliser out of places that have been filthy since the shop opened. They don't have much success and the store looks identical to when they began but it's a good distraction. Scrubbing every available surface calms Crowley enough that he doesn't panic every time the door opens which is counted as a success.

When Az and Anathema eventually walk into the shop Crowley's elbow deep in dirt so doesn't even notice the door. Adam jogs to the counter, ready to quickly deal with another customer but stops short. He's heard more about Az than he ever wanted to and the man in front of him fits every criteria. Either he's the one Crowley's half in love with or the man has a clone he neglected to mention.

Anathema has already gotten distracted by multiple plants on their way in but Az is also a bundle of nerves. There's no reason for him to be in such a state but similar to Crowley, he's spent the morning pestering Anathema and stressing. He knows close to nothing about plants so impressing Crowley will be close to impossible. In the tattoo shop Az feels confident and in his element but in a flower shop he feels out of place.

While Adam hovers behind them and scopes out the two artists Crowley comes up behind him obliviously "Adam come on, I need your help w-"

Crowley freezes and stares at Az in horror with dirt down his clothes and in his hair making him look like he crawled out of a coffin. Reanimated corpse is not the look Crowley was aiming for at all but it's too late to retreat now that he's made himself known.

With Anathema and Adam watching them intently Az shuffles his feet and throws Crowley a grin "Hello my dear you look very cute, working hard?"

There's silence as Crowley gapes at the artist before ducking back into the mess of plants. Az throws a hurt look at Adam but he can only shrug "Sorry he's been in a weird mood today, I presume he'll be back when he's clean"

Az is a little upset to hear that Crowley's going to clean himself up but knows the man will still be just as attractive without the dirt. He looked more adorable than Az thought possible with dirt smeared on his cheeks and it was lovely to see. They've only met each other at the tattoo shop where they both try to act professional so it's pleasant having a different vibe in the flower shop.

While Adam entertains their guests Crowley sprints up the rows of plants, cursing himself for being so stupid. He wasn't expecting Az to come in for at least another day and thought he'd have way more time to prepare. Crowley hoped to have flower arrangements ready and the store clean so everything would be perfect when Az came to his store for the first time. Instead the shops messier than usual because they're in the middle of cleaning and Crowley looks like a disaster.

It only takes a couple of minutes for Crowley to rocket himself upstairs to change his clothes and brush his hair. After giving himself a stern talking to he jogs back downstairs, hoping he won't embarrass himself any further.

Anathema and Adam are having an intense discussion about occult herbs so Az is glad when he sees his friend returning. Crowley has cleaned himself up but still has a streak of dirt on his cheek which is almost as adorable as before. The florist walks up to Az and gives him a shy smile "Hey angel, wasn't expecting you so soon"

"Sorry to intrude my dear but me and Ana had time off and thought we'd come"

Crowley shoots a disappointed look at Anathema, hopes plummeting very quickly. He'd hoped Az would come alone so they could spend as much time as possible chatting and choosing plants. Having Az here with someone else makes it clear it's only a business trip not a personal visit. Crowley's not supposed to act overly friendly and annoying, he's meant to do his job and act like the professional he's always struggled to be.

Seeing the sadness flicker across his friends face Az steps forwards and uses his thumb to wipe dirt from Crowley's face. The florist freezes as his mouth drops open and he instinctively leans into the warmth of Az's hand.

When they see their bosses Adam and Anathema stop talking mid sentence but neither man notices them. Az strokes Crowley's cheek again before pulling back and offering his arm "Shall we look for plants my darling? I've been quite looking forward to this all morning"

Crowley's mouth opens and closes a few times before he gives up on words and simply takes Az's arm. It's strange and old fashioned but any excuse to touch the artist is worth it.

Adam and Anathema watch their bosses stroll off before breaking down into giggles. When they manage to get ahold of themselves Adam throws an arm around Anathema's shoulders "Holy shit, I thought Crowley was exaggerating his own stupidity but he just turned into a blushing Victorian maiden at one touch"

"They're like that every time, a couple of stupid old gay disasters"

"I've never seen Crowley like that. With his ex he barely tolerated the guy touching him but he looked like he wanted to jump Az's bones"

"Az is the same with his boyfriend, he's never been so physical and attentive with someone"

"What the fuck? He has a boyfriend?"

Adam's face drops and he buries his face in his hands, mentally revising all his newfound hope. Getting his boss a new boyfriend who'd show him what a healthy happy relationship should be was all he'd wanted lately. Az seemed like a gift from Heaven but of course there has to be obstacles in the way. 

Anathema rolls his eyes and slips an arm through Adam's "Unfortunately he does but the relationship has been making him miserable for a long time so hopefully this will encourage him to end it"

Together they walk through the plants, whispering to each other about their bosses and trying to spy on them.

Knowing how sneaky his employee is, Crowley takes Az as far away from him as he can. Conversation is a little awkward at first as Crowley scrambles for ways to entertain the blond but it gets easier quickly. Az seems interested enough in the plants not to care if Crowley isn't at his best so they stick mostly to talking about that.

With Crowley's guidance it doesn't take the artist long to choose a couple of cute cacti for his office. Despite Crowley's insistence he can take anything he wants Az restricts himself to small, easy to care for plants. As much as he'd love to fill his room with vibrant plants that are reminders of his new friend, it likely wouldn't end well. The tattoo shop isn't awfully well lit and Az has never had a green thumb so he doesn't want to tempt fate too much. He knows Crowley would delight in sending him back laden down with plants but doesn't want to imagine his reaction if he returned to find them all dead.

After getting as many plants as Az will agree to, Crowley walks him back to the front of the shop for flowers. Their strange young employees are hanging around somewhere being nuisances but Crowley hopes they won't be too weird. Adam knows way to much about him that should under no circumstances be shared with Az or anyone associated with him.

They've done multiple wedding consultations lately so Crowley's got spare flowers strewn everywhere. They're only a day or two old but Crowley was planning to donate them soon so giving them to Az is even better. He'd happily buy new flowers for Az to make sure they're the most beautiful things the artist has ever seen but didn't have enough time to do so. That was likely Az's plan to stop Crowley doing anything ridiculous but it's still mildly disappointing.

Az is smiling widely at the florist clutching his arm and puts his cacti down on the counter to make it easier. Crowley seems to be in the best mood Az has seen him in which is truly delightful. In the few short weeks of their friendship the florists gone from rock bottom to relatively healthy again which is all Az could have hoped for. He's not sure if such quick mood changes are normal for the florist or if it means deep down he didn't care for his ex nearly as much as he tried to make out. From everything Az has heard, Crowley's ex doesn't seem like a good person so it might have hurt at first but being away from him could only benefit Crowley's mental health.

Crowley's talking a mile a minute as he points out all the flowers he likes and gives suggestions. Az lost the train of conversation a while ago but is content to watch the red head run around getting progressively more excited.

When Crowley turns back to grin at Az he realises he's been babbling on for too long and stops talking. Cursing himself for being annoying and over enthusiastic he looks down at his feet in shame "Sorry Az, I know you don't care about any of this, let's just pick some flowers"

Seeing the vibrant red head retreat back into himself is heart breaking so Az reaches out for his hand again "I care about everything you have to tell me dear boy, you've listened to me talk about art more than enough so I owe you the same"

"I like listening to you talk about your work"

"And I like listening to you about yours. You're a wonderful man and I very much value your friendship so I hope you know you can tell me anything and I'll happily listen. In case I haven't been clear enough, anyone who's told you to shut up or said you're boring has been talking pure bullshit"

Hearing the artist swear is enough to shock Crowley into complete silence. After being chastised for his language multiple times it was the last thing he thought Az would say. Hearing the rude words come out of such a pretty mouth is admittedly extremely hot though. Crowley should have listened closer to what Az was saying but all he can think about is what he'll have to do to get more swear words out of the artist.

After gaping for a minute Crowley laughs and grabs a rose to hold it out to his friend "If I keep being self deprecating will you comfort me and swear again?"

"I'll comfort you but I'd rather not swear, wouldn't want you to start expecting it and not give me such a nice reaction"

Az takes the rose and twirls it between his fingers, peeking up at the florist from under his eyelashes "I love roses darling, I've done many rose tattoos and they always make me happy"

"You're the kind of guy who likes a good cliche red rose?"

"Adore them, I've got a couple tattooed on my thigh so I'd like some for the shop"

"Guess it's good I didn't want any in my tattoo then, wouldn't want another matching tattoo drama"

Az rolls his eyes at that but is calmer than he has been all day. After all his worrying about Crowley being upset he doesn't know anything about plants was for nothing. The florist is more than happy to tell him about every plant and explain every little detail so it doesn't at all matter what Az knows.

Crowley's in the middle of a rant about what other flowers he thinks will look nice with the roses when Adam and Anathema reemerge. They're clinging to each other giggling and whispering while carrying numerous plants between them. Az and Crowley exchange a look before rushing to relieve their employee of the plants before disaster strikes. Adam has an unfortunate habit of being extremely clumsy and Crowley would rather not have to clean up ruined plants in front of his crush.

Once the plants are all safe Adam and Anathema keep gossiping among themselves so Crowley continues with his flower rant. He's well aware of the three pairs of eyes watching him, all for different reasons, but tries to focus on what he does best.

While the young employees swing their eyes between the two men Az blocks them out, focusing only on the red head. It's rare to see Crowley look so happy and comfortable but is a true delight when it does happen. All the smiling he's done has put some colour in his cheeks which somehow makes him even more beautiful than normal.

As Crowley starts putting together a bouquet Az keeps watching him, nodding in the appropriate places but only half listening. He would never ignore anything his friend has to say but can't take his eyes off Crowley's long thin fingers.

Az is pulled out of his lovely thoughts by a heap of flowers being shoved into his lap and Crowley's smiling face filling his vision "I made this, don't know if you like it but I can tweak it however you want"

While counting his blessings that Crowley didn't notice or get offended by his staring, Az redirects his attention to the bouquet. Like he asked there's plenty of bright red roses mixed with other smaller orange and yellow flowers. Though he'd never admit it out loud, the colours make Az think immediately of the way Crowley's copper hair looks when it catches the sun. Watching the florists hair turn to a mass of tumbling fire is a beautiful sight so the flowers make Az very happy.

Crowley watches nervously as Az admires the bouquet then lets the blond put a hand on his cheek "Oh thank you my darling, I think it's utterly perfect, now we just need a few more"

All he can do for a minute is stare before leaping up to get more flowers for Az. While the red head rushes around replicating his previous efforts Az shoots a glance over at their employees.

Adam and Anathema have watched the whole scene go down and are feeling very proud of themselves. Anyone can tell how much the two like each other so they're extremely glad to be a part of it. Neither man has many proper friends so any new friendship that seems to make them both so happy is a blessing.

Before Crowley notices the way they're being watched Az glares at Anathema. After a second she takes the hint and drags Adam off again, babbling about something random in the way she excels at. As nice as they both are, having some quality time with his new friend is what Az is here for. He can try fooling himself saying he only wants flowers to make the shop look better but in actuality he misses Crowley and wants an excuse to see him. After so many years of having no true friends Az has found someone he deeply connects to and isn't going to let the friendship go without a fight.

It doesn't take long for Crowley to finish the bouquets and delicately wrap them up so they'll be easy to take back to the store. While the florist works Az shuffles closer and leans against the counter, hoping he looks cool and suave instead of like a lonely old man trying too hard.

"How've you been my dear? We were focused on the tattoo yesterday and I never got to check up on how things are going for you"

Crowley blushes and fumbles with a rose under the blonds full attention "I'm ok, my brother came by a few days ago which shook me a lot but I'm over it"

"I'm so sorry my dear boy, was there a confrontation?"

"Not as such, mostly him throwing insults while I tried to ignore him and keep working. It broke me for a day or so but Adam is good at getting me back on track so I'm dealing with it"

Again Crowley almost drops the bouquet when Az's strong hand moves to rest on his shoulder "I'm always here if you'd like to talk, you may not be willing to talk about heavy topics yet but I'm always up for a chat. Drop by the studio any time and if I'm free we can have some tea and talk about anything you wish"

There's not a lot Crowley can say to that except nodding and carefully filing that piece of information away, not that he'd ever forget it.

Having an open offer to come by any time is more than Crowley could have ever hoped for. Seeing Az has never failed to improve his day, it can't always make everything better but it's a bright spot in a dark world. If Hastur or Justin show their faces at the flower shop again Crowley knows he won't be able to stop himself seeking Az's comfort. After their cruelty nothing could raise Crowley's spirits better than a dose of Az's gentle kindness, no matter how long he's blessed with it.

Until something huge happens though Crowley knows he needs to exercise extreme restraint. He's self assured enough to know him and Az's friendship isn't completely fragile but can't do anything to endanger it. If he starts going over begging for affection every time he experiences a tiny inconvenience it'll get on Az's nerves eventually. The man might look and act like a saint but even he has only so much patience. Crowley would much rather limit himself to only going when absolutely necessary rather than go every time he wants and risk loosing Az forever.

Even after giving his offer Az doesn't move back, keeping a hand on Crowley as he works like its the most natural thing. After a minute of silence Crowley wonders if he's expected to say more. He worried Az wouldn't want to hear his woes but perhaps the blond is insulted by his friend attempting to brush everything off.

Most other friends Crowley's had wanted him to say less and drink more but Az isn't like anyone else. Everything about him is different so it would only make sense that while trying to censor himself Crowley would alienate and offend the artist.

To make up for his error Crowley lets more words bubble from his lips, not thinking through anything he says. "Sometimes it still hurts to think about Justin but I try to push it down so I can still function. I had a therapist years ago and I know she'd tell me how unhealthy it is but it's the only thing that works so it can't be as bad as she said. Justin said a lot of things that hurt me and all my siblings have done the same for years so I know I won't get over it any time soon. I spent a long time thinking I wasn't good for anything more than a quick fuck so finding someone who loved me was incredible but now it's over. I don't want to sink back into how I was before but getting drunk and finding someone I can pretend loves me for a night makes things easier"

In the middle of Crowley's candour Adam and Anathema came back but quickly ran away before either man saw them. Adam's heard every word of it before but this time it wasn't meant for him so he has no right to stick around and make things uncomfortable. If the florist felt close enough to Az to bare his heart he deserves the courtesy of having those feelings stay between the two of them. 

Anathema's face is flushed after hearing so much about a man she only just met but doesn't say a word about it, knowing it would be a grave mistake. Adam's always willing to gossip and make lighthearted plots against his boss but would never betray his trust or talk behind his back.

While their employees run away as quickly as they can without making a noise, Az moves closer to his friend. Crowley's finished the bouquets at this point and is trying to avoid eye contact by crushing order forms in his fist. Before he manages too much destruction though a soft hand covers his, stopping the violence in its tracks.

Gently Az urges Crowley's fists open then slips his hands into the florists, preventing them from inflicting any more harm. "Don't do that my sweet boy, I know you're hurting but there's no need to ruin your things"

Crowley's frowning face flushes as he sinks into regret, hating himself even further for displeasing the artist. The instant spike of regret going through him is obvious so Az squeezes his hand and sends his friend a shaky smile "Don't beat yourself up about this or anything else, you're a wonderful man and I'm very proud of you. I've had my share of bad relationships and break ups so I know how it feels, though thankfully my siblings haven't done something so abominable. I know this is the last thing you may want to hear but your therapist was right. I know from experience that if you internalise things all it does is lead to an inevitable blow up where things hurt a million times more. It may not help but I assure you whatever poison your ex and siblings have been telling you is all lies, they don't see how wonderful you are but I do. You're worthy of so much more than meaningless sex, you're worthy of undying love and devotion so I pray you find it soon. I have no control over you but if you have destructive instincts please come to me, you can get as drunk as you wish but let me care for you. Don't put yourself in danger while vulnerable, let me protect you and look after you like a friend should"

Az's soft, kind words wash over Crowley like a warm summer storm, temporarily washing away all his bad thoughts. Almost before the blond finishes talking Crowley flings himself into his arms, clutching at Az's soft sweater as he bawls.

With most of the florists weight on him Az has no choice but to sink to his knees to keep holding him. Crowley needs no encouragement to hold onto him as he sobs so Az simply hugs back tight, trying to smother his friend in affection.

Once Crowley's run out of tears and his muscles ache from clutching at Az, he finally lets go. Az feels the florists body go slack under his hands so moves his arms around his waist to drag Crowley to his feet. All he can find in his pocket is an old handkerchief but Crowley takes it gratefully and loudly blows his nose.

With a watery smile the red head looks up at his friend "You're more than I ever thought I could have, thank you for being the best friend in the world, even if you're a weird old man who carries handkerchiefs"

Az taps Crowley on the nose for his sass but is so glad he's making jokes that he can't bring himself to feel any real annoyance. Awkwardly Crowley holds out the handkerchief, unsure what to do with it but the artist simply laughs "Keep it darling, you might need it again so I'd rather you have it with you, you can wash it and return it to me sometime"

With a shy smile Crowley shoves the wet cloth into his pocket, promising himself to hold onto it until it stops smelling of Az then give it back.

The flowers are all ready so Crowley wipes his face once more then the two men carry the bouquets back to the front counter. Anathema's perched on it by the register carefully arranging crystals along the top of it while Adam sits on the floor trying to make a flower crown. As most of his arts and crafts projects do, it's not going awfully well but it doesn't seem like he cares one bit.

When she sees her boss Anathema sticks her tongue out at him while she finishes with her crystals "Took you two long enough, as you can tell we were getting bored"

"Don't be silly dear girl, no one can ever be bored with you around"

Anathema preens at the compliment while Crowley dumps the flowers he's holding in her lap and kicks at his employee "Adam get the fuck up you lazy millennial, you're a terrible host to our guests"

Ignoring Adam's complaints that he's a Gen Z not a millennial and that Anathema is a customer not a guest, Crowley drags the boy to his feet. While Az raises an eyebrow at Crowley's rudeness, the florist takes Adam's terrible flower crown and puts it on Anathema's dark hair "There you go, looking a flower princess"

"A flower queen I think you mean"

"Sorry to offend your majesty"

"You're forgiven but only because your flowers are beautiful and you make my best friend happy. I'm leaving you crystals to bring you good vibes and tranquility, looks like you need that"

"Many thanks your illustrious highness, I definitely need some good karma"

"I'm pretty sure that's a title for a princess but again you're forgiven, don't try anymore bullshit with me though"

Crowley likes Anathema more and more with every conversation, revising his earlier wish that Az had come alone. Of course the artist isn't satisfied being the most wonderful person alive, he also has to have wonderful friends as well.

Az makes a little huffing sound at Anathema's bad language but is greeted with two smug smiles. He's well aware he's being dared to try telling them off but instead turns to Adam helplessly, sighing when he sees the boy trying not to laugh.

Throwing his hands up in defeat Az shakes his head "Oh dear God, there's two of you now, whatever will I do with myself?"

Crowley says "Live a long happy life" at the same time Anathema says "Cry yourself to sleep every night" which sends all four of them into giggles.

When Az composes himself he shifts the bouquets in his arms as he attempts to reach for his wallet "How much do I owe you dear boy? As much as I wish we could stay all afternoon, me and Ana have appointments to attend to and I'm sure you have other customers"

Crowley pouts at that but stops Az's hand as it reaches for his pocket "You don't owe me anything silly, you're my friend and I refuse to let you pay me a cent"

Anathema and Adam share an exasperated look as their bosses fight over the issue of paying. Az strongly insists he has to pay something for such beautiful flowers while Crowley doubles down on his refusal of accepting anything. Both are stubborn and willing to argue all day if needed but Az is brought up short remembering he has a job to do. Though he doesn't like it one bit he reluctantly concedes but makes a mental note not to let Crowley pay for his tattoo.

After winning, Crowley is feeling even better than before so let's Az go with a huge smile and a promise to see him son. Once the artists have left the store Crowley turns to Adam and sighs loudly "You see what I'm dealing with? You see why I'm such an emotional mess? Isn't he just a fucking perfect angel?"

"Looks like he was made to live in a church window"

"Exactly! He's an angel on a stained glass window come to life"

Having his thoughts validated feels very satisfying so Crowley throws an arm around Adam in a rare lack of personal space "I'm obsessed with him dude, you already know I'm crushing like crazy but I just want to be around him no matter what. We're not going to date any time soon and maybe we'll never be more than friends but I think I'm ok with that"

Crowley looks so happy and hopeful so Adam's conflicted of whether he should speak up. 

After an awkward silence Adam breaks down and spills his guts "Crowley I love you but I need you to know Az has a boyfriend that he's been with for years. Anathema told me because she thought I already knew so I don't know if Az has told you but I need you to know, please don't be mad at me"

Usually when Crowley's not feeling good he withdraws into himself but this time he keeps his arm around Adam. He pulls his young friend closer and ruffles his hair "Thank you ratbag, I didn't know but I did suspect something like that so I'm not too shocked. I should be upset but really I'm just happy he's chosen to be in my life so I'm ok if it's just friends, that's already more than I deserve"

Adam gives him another squeeze before retreating into the shop to do some more cleaning while Crowley processes his feelings.

He feels like he should be much sadder but can't get rid of the warmth in his stomach from seeing Az. It's new information but not a surprise. Of course Az is taken because why wouldn't he be? Any sane person would snatch him up as quick as possible so it would be crazy if he was single. If anything, Crowley would be more upset if the artist was single than he is now that he knows Az has had a boyfriend the whole time.

After a few deep breaths Crowley pushes down his crush on Az and returns to work. He doubts anything can completely get rid of his growing feelings but he can make sure they never resurface to make things awkward with Az.

While Crowley stalks around his shop with his plant mister sorting through everything that's happened, Anathema and Az take a leisurely walk back to the tattoo parlour.

Walking through the door is a relief because they can put down the flowers and Az can retreat to make tea. He frets and paces while waiting for the kettle to boil and lets Anathema set the flowers up in vases around the shop.

Once they're curled up in Az's armchairs with mugs of hot green tea Az lets out a big sigh and lies his head back "That was lovely, stressful but lovely"

"You two have a good time?"

"We had a deep talk but I think we needed it, I like anything involving getting to know him more"

"Yeah because you're head over heels for him you twat"

Anathema sips her tea smugly while Az splutter sand tries to find a response. He can't exactly deny it but saying it so openly might make Anathema feel like ambushing him like this is ok.

After another boiling hot mouthful Az grumbles "Don't talk like that, I'm happy with life and happy with the friendship I have with Crowley, don't stir up drama my dear"

"Az look me in the eye and tell me this is truly the life you want to be living. Tell me Kane is the love of your life and you can imagine spending the rest of your life with him. Tell me you're fine being nothing but friends with Crowley because he's nowhere near as good for you as Kane. Just tell me you're happy with your life and I'll never say a bad word about your relationship again, I only want the best for you Az"

Az freezes with the mug in his hand halfway raised, mouth hanging open as he watches his best friend. Anathema looks back just as intently, refusing to let this topic go until she gets a proper answer out of Az. The man has never been forthcoming with his emotions so getting something like this out of him when he's sober will be a challenge.

After a few stuttered starts Az sighs and shakes his head "You know I can't tell you any of that, I can't lie to you"

"Why are you still in this position then? If Crowley is who you want you should be with Crowley, you're too old to do things that won't give you happiness"

"It's not that simple Ana, there are other people to consider apart from me, I'm also too old to be selfish"

Az is frantically trying to change the subject, profoundly uncomfortable with the way the conversation has turned. He knows he frustrates Anathema and that all she wants to do is help make him happy but things are too complicated. If he was her age and still had his wide eyed innocence he would accept the help eagerly but the way it is, he's way past that. Az has reached the point where he's painfully stubborn and nothing less than an act of God can change his mind when he's set on something.

With a huff Anathema throws up her hands "Who do you have to consider Az? Who's happiness matters more than your own?"

"Kane's of course and my families. If I started anything with Crowley my family would disown me and never speak to me again, you know that. It was hard enough to get them to accept my sexuality dating a good Christian boy like Kane, what would they think if I brought home Crowley? I've already spent too many years estranged from them, I can't risk loosing contact again"

"So that's it? You're so desperate to please your family of obsessive religious freaks that you'll hurt yourself in the process? You're willing to give up a happy life with Crowley and spend it with that asshole because you're scared shitless of what Gabriel might think?"

That hits Az in a place he never thought Anathema would aim for and rips the breath from his lungs. Him and Gabriel's relationship has always been shaky, only hanging on to civility by a thread due to extraordinary effort from Az. They're both unyieldingly stubborn and extremely different which has never lent itself to being good friends. As children Gabriel took every opportunity to scold his younger brother, even before Az's decade long rebellious phase provided plenty of ammunition.

Thinking about his siblings has always deeply hurt Az but he knows Anathema wasn't only being malicious bringing them up. If it wasn't for them he never would have given Kane a second look, much less dated him for a significant time. He's always reminded Az too much of Gabriel and not enough of himself but it seemed like the perfect compromise. Az got to stay in contact with his family and date the gender he was attracted to as long as it was someone Gabriel deemed suitable. There's no true love or attraction in the relationship but at the time it seemed like the least terrible of many painful choices.

In his heart Az knows it's wrong to have a long term relationship simply to please your rude, prejudiced brother but can't change it. If he could he'd choose Crowley over Kane a million times but real life isn't a fluffy fairytale with a happily ever after. Sometimes you have to do things you'd rather not to prevent disaster and keeping Crowley as nothing more than a friend is one of those things.

Anathema is still waiting for an answer so Az gives in, baring his heart to get her off his back once and for all "You're right Anathema and you know it. I have a crush on Crowley bigger than I've had in a very long time but I can never let myself act on it. If I had a family who loved and accepted me I would have never gotten with Kane in the first place and would have asked Crowley on a date already. Unfortunately this is reality so I have to live my life the best way I can even if it isn't what I want. You can gloat all you want privately but please don't mention Crowley in that way again because it hurts more than I thought possible. I care for him very deeply but can't let myself fall for him the way I'd like to so please respect my decision and don't hurt me further. I'm well aware of how weak and cowardly I am but dear girl there's nothing that can be done"

With that Az drains his mug and gets to his feet, ready to end this conversation once and for all "If you don't have any more intrusive questions I'll have to ask you to leave so I can get ready for my consultation"

It's obviously all Az is wiling to say on the subject so Anathema cuts her losses and leaves with grace.

Once alone Az slams his mug down on his table, almost cracking it in his frustration. Anathema is the loveliest girl but has an painful habit of bringing up things Az rally wishes would stay hidden. Her straight forward American way of life is refreshing but can sometimes be a shock to the system that Az isn't ready to deal with. 

Unable to dwell on his feelings for too long, Az focuses back on his job, doing his best to push all thoughts of beautiful red haired florists out of his head.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of an intense chapter so I thought I should give some warnings. It includes an anxiety attack as well as talk of mental health issues, BDSM, subspace and mild mistreatment from a dom
> 
> Also as I'm sure is obvious, I've never got a tattoo and I'm not fully sure about the process or the timing involved but I've watched multiple seasons of ink master and tried to use the minimal knowledge I've gained from that so hopefully nothing's too inaccurate

Even after a week of campaigning from Adam, Crowley remains steadfast that he won't visit Az before his appointment. It would be lovely to see the artist, even if it's under the excuse of checking on the flowers, but it would seem needy. Their meetings have usually been restrained to once a week so after already seeing each other twice in a week, anymore would be too much.

Adam is visibly annoyed every time Crowley tries to explain this to him but eventually stops asking. Anathema has been texting him constantly to make the florist go over but Adam knows a lost cause when he sees one. It might make Crowley very happy but the effort it will take to get him there isn't worth it.

Finally when the day comes for his tattoo appointment Crowley's a bundle of nerves. He's got tattoos before and should be ready but this is the first time he's having it done properly. He's making sure to stay hydrated and prepare himself but his nerves keep creeping up.

The design isn't too complicated but will take a few hours to complete which means a few hours with Az. Spending a long period of time alone with someone he deeply cares about and who has such a big effect on him will be strange. He's gotten used to Adam so getting used to a new person in his life isn't easy. Crowley doesn't have enough friends to know if this is what happens every time someone gets a new friend or if he's just an emotional mess.

Soon Adam shoos his boss out the door with the threat of violence if Crowley asks how his hair looks one more time. Adam was happy to reassure him the first thousand times but it got old very quickly after that. 

It's barely a 3 minute walk down the street but Crowley takes his time and gives himself a stern talking to. There's nothing to be worried about, he's just going to get a tattoo from his friend who just so happens to be the most beautiful person in the world. 

As soon as Crowley steps through the door of the tattoo studio his nerves fall away at the sight of Anathema behind the desk. She's texting someone on her phone but looks up and smiles when she hears someone come to the desk "Ay it's our little ginger bitch, good to see you again"

Crowley pokes his tongue out at the girl as he leans an elbow against the front counter "I don't remember giving you permission to call me that princess"

"I don't need permission dumbass - I'm a top so I do what I want"

"What makes you think I'm a subby little bitch?"

"Crowley look me in the eye and tell me you actually just insinuated you have the capacity to dominate someone"

There's not a lot Crowley can do to deny that because it's painfully obvious he's a wimp. Most of his life he's cautiously defined himself as a switch but the truth is, more often than not he ends up with his arse in the air. After spending so much time being a control freak and a nervous wreck it's comforting to fully give his trust to someone and let himself be cared for. Despite suspecting he's somewhere on the asexuality spectrum, this aspect of intimacy with a boyfriend has always been beneficial for Crowley. Having someone give him order and take his control away gives a nice contrast to the chaos in his head. 

Seeing Crowley falter, Anathema lets out a light laugh and leans forwards "Don't worry I think it's cute, Az is a little bitch too so I think you'll get along"

"Az could dominate the shit out of me without even trying"

"True, behind the stupid 19th century clothes he's a feisty little bitch as I'm sure you've noticed"

"Oh I've noticed"

Anathema leans forward even further, eyes sparkling as she watches the red head "I've noticed you noticing, unfortunately Az is a rather thick at times and hasn't seen a thing"

With a roll of her eyes Anathema gets up from her seat and comes around the desk to take Crowley's arm. Together they walk to the couch pressed to one wall and get comfortable, Crowley lounging in his usual clumsy way and Anathema curling up beside him. When prompted Crowley slips an arm around the artists shoulders, ignoring how strange this all is.

Laughing at how shocked her new friend is Anathema presses against his side "Don't look at me like that, Az isn't usually a cuddly person so I have to get my affection somewhere"

"I thought you had a partner"

"I do but it's been 3 torturous hours since I saw him, be quiet and let a poor girl cuddle you"

Anathema is a little ridiculous but every time they meet Crowley likes her more and more. She's just on the right side of her weirdness being great fun and brings good energy to every room she's in. Crowley hasn't had a lot of people like that in his life and isn't quite willing to give that up, even with her tendency to be nosy into other people's business. 

Easily Crowley runs his fingertips up and down Anathema's bare arm, chuckling at how ticklish she is "Sounds like a plan princess, I'd like to get to see you more often and become friends"

"That'd be the best of fun, Az's two chaotic goths becoming besties means he'll never get another second of peace ever again"

Both of them laugh at that and Anathema leans in to rest her head on Crowley's shoulder. The florist tightens his arm around her then remembers something he was meaning to ask "Princess do you have a real job? I was under the impression you were just as good a tattoo artist as my angel so why are you always at the desk when I come?"

"Skipping right over the fact you just called Az your angel, I do have a real job I just choose when I do it. Seeing you and Az act like idiotic gays together is my favourite form of entertainment so I schedule my appointments around it. I'm looking forward to today's dumbassery so much that I'll ignore you calling me as good as Az when everyone knows I'm actually better"

Crowley snorts and agrees, letting Anathema change the subject to the cat she was considering getting.

The two chat until a door in the back of the studio opens and Az bustles out holding a mug of tea. He starts to ask if Anathema wants a cup too but abruptly closes his mouth when he sees his two best friends. Anathema throws him a mischievous grin as she cuddles closer to Crowley, daring her friend to say something about it. It's borderline inappropriate to be cuddling a client but neither of them have ever been traditionalists and the client in question doesn't seem to mind. 

With two pairs of eyes watching him intently Az walks over to the couch, clutching his tea nervously "Hello my dear, I didn't know you'd be here early"

"Couldn't bare to stay away from you angel, hope you don't mind"

"I never mind seeing you Crowley, come with me"

Anathema wiggles her eyebrows at him so Crowley elbows her before following Az into his private room. The artist is still focusing on his tea, unsure how to act around his friend. Seeing his two best friends getting along so well made him realise how unsuitable he is for both of them. He's much too old for a lovely young lady like Anathema and much too uncool for someone as attractive and fascinating as Crowley. Their friendship means the world to him but it's hard to imagine him meaning much to either of them. Rationally he knows that's not true and that they'd both strongly deny it if he brought the subject up but it's hard to see reason.

With shaking hands Az takes another sip of his tea then puts the cup down and clasping his hands together in front of his chest for protection "Nice to see you again Crowley, would you like to sit down?"

"I'd love to, you ready for this?"

"Absolutely"

Az turns away to move towards the counter with his equipment but is stopped by a hand on his wrist. Crowley gently stops the artist and rubs gentle circles on his wrist, a spike of worry going through him. "Az are you ok? Please look at me"

With rapidly watering eyes Az turns to face his friend, ducking his head in shame "I'm sorry, give me a minute and we can get to work"

"I'm not worried about the tattoo angel, I'm worried about you, what's got you upset?"

"It's nothing you'd want to hear about"

"I'm your friend Az and I want to hear everything you have to tell me, please trust me"

"My... My family were never the nicest to me growing up so I've had some self esteem issues over the years. I've worked very hard to get rid of them but sometimes when I care a lot for someone it's hard to repress. You and Anathema are the closest friends I have so I'm very attached to you both but seeing you together scares me. Of course I wish for you to get along but you're quite similar people so there are some worries that you'll like each other more than me. I know I'm strange, boring and old fashioned but I hope you can look past that and like me despite my flaws. I've spent a long time changing myself to please others so I'd rather not do that again for you my dear"

That was so much more than Az intended to say but he couldn't seem to stop talking. Once he started telling Crowley how anxious he was feeling it all came out in a flood without his permission and can't be taken back.

Az never wanted Crowley to see him like this yet because he'd tried so hard to make himself seem cool, calm and collected. Crowley's already much too cool for him so exposing his ugly jagged edges will only harm the friendship they're trying to build. Even when they first met at Crowley's lowest point the florist was so far out of Az's league that sometimes he still questions if he's dreaming. There's no way this beautiful perfect man wants to be friends with a nerdy frumpy tattoo artist.

While Az starts to hyperventilate Crowley can only stare at him in shock. For their whole friendship he'd been the one with the nerves and insecurity while Az seemed so under control at all times. Seeing the artist break down over something Crowley barely even understands quickly dashes those thoughts from his mind and proves that there's so much to Az that he still needs to uncover.

Before the artist can freak out too much Crowley wraps his arms around him and pulls Az to his chest. With firm hands he rubs the blonds back while talking quietly in his ear "Take deep breaths ok? Breath with me now Az, I've got you"

Together they take long slow breaths, giving Az time to calm down and the knot of panic in his chest to slowly unravel.

Once the artists body starts to relax under his hands Crowley returns to his normal breathing and gives Az's back a pat "There we go my angel, you're ok, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere"

With a groan of embarrassment Az leans his head against Crowley's shoulder, letting out a long sigh "I'm sorry my dear, you came for a tattoo not for me acting like an emotional child throwing a tantrum"

"You were having an anxiety attack angel, there's nothing childish about that, there's no need to feel ashamed. Do you want to talk some more? I'm happy to listen to whatever you have to say and help you feel better"

It's the nicest thing he could have said but Az still feels so much shame that he can't bare to accept the offer. He has so much to say to Crowley but wants to retain some semblance of dignity despite the mess he's made of today. Crowley came to get Az's artwork permanently inked into his skin and Az couldn't stand it if he messed that up.

Despite how unhappy loosing Crowley's warmth makes him, Az steps back and looks at the floor as he straightens his shirt "I appreciate that my dear but we should get to work"

"I'm happy to listen, the tattoo can wait if you're not up to it" Crowley says softly, stepping closer again but Az quickly scoffs and dismisses that notion "Preposterous darling, I'm a professional and some anxiety won't stop me doing my job"

Crowley looks decidedly unhappy about that statement so Az caves, as he always seems to do around the florist "We'll get you prepped for the tattoo then we can talk more my dear. The tattoo should take some time so we can talk as much as you wish during that, I've found a good conversation helps take the edge off the pain"

After a long look Crowley nods his head before settling down in Az's tattooing chair and presenting his arm. With a look of gratitude Az moves around the room preparing himself. After he's had a drink, gotten his tools together and slipped on a pair of gloves, he turns back to his client.

Crowley's lazily reclined in the chair, watching the artist with heavy eyes as he relaxes. Lying back and watching Az go about his work is more natural than Crowley could have expected. It feels natural to simply be around the artist as he does his own thing, even without a word being exchanged between them.

When Az settles down on his stool to work on Crowley the red heads eyes fully open but he doesn't move. He watches eagerly as the blonds talented fingers move his arm into a comfortable position then carefully sterilise it.

Finally Az places a stencil against his arm, rubbing it gently until the ink transfers before pulling the paper away. Crowley looks at his arm eagerly, eyes trailing over every detail of the design. It looks beautiful just as a stencil so Crowley can't even imagine what it may look like when properly inked on and coloured. It's the first coloured piece he's had done some knows it's going to look exquisite when Az is done with him.

After checking Crowley likes the design Az removes his tattoo machine from its case and gets his ink ready before placing a soothing hand on Crowley's bicep "No last minute regrets? If you're worried about anything tell me now and we can work it out or cancel this completely, it's completely alright"

"No regrets, I really really want this, go for it angel"

Az's eyes lock with Crowley's for a long moment before dropping back down to his arm.

The first touch of the machine gets a yelp out of Crowley but Az's strong hand keeps him in place as the artist works. After a couple of minutes Crowley's getting used to the feel of the needle and wants to draw his mind off the pain. He's got a relatively high tolerance but he's also got a beautiful man in front of him who's more than enough to distract him.

Softly Crowley murmurs "We can talk now if you're ready. I'd like to hear about what happened before but anything you have to take my mind off the pain would be appreciated"

He can't see the artists face but Az stops to get more ink then replies "I don't have an anxiety disorder or anything since I've never properly been to a therapist but I have little episodes sometimes, it's not a big deal"

"Just because you haven't been formally diagnosed doesn't mean there isn't a problem there"

"I was under the impression self diagnosing was harmful"

"It can be but you know yourself best and you know if there's a problem. It's harder for a therapist to properly diagnose you if you don't at least have an inclining of what might be going on"

"I'm almost 40 my dear, I think it's a little late to do anything at this point"

"It's never too late to take care of yourself and live a better life, no pressure though, as long as you can take care of yourself there's no huge rush"

Az pats Crowley's bicep again and gets more ink then thinks hard about what the red head just said.

There's been many times over the years when he's thought he should go to a therapist but never followed through out of fear. Opening up is hard enough without having the pressure paying hundreds of dollars for that time spent trying to open up. Talking to Crowley is therapeutic enough to convince Az it's not necessary for anything professional yet. He knows one day he'll reach a point where he needs to, probably reached that point at least a decade ago, but for now he's surviving.

There's silence while Az continues his line work until stopping for ink again and sighing "I know you have opinions about everything I said before so go ahead and tell me dear"

Crowley reaches up to pat Az's shoulder with his free hand then rests it in place, thumb brushing the skin above Az's collar "Everything you said was bullshit angel, that's all I can say. I highly doubt you've ever been unattractive a day in you life so don't try to lie to me saying you are. Me and Anathema would never want to lose you so try not to worry too much, we'll reassure you any time you need"

"As I'm sure you've realised I'm not the best at dealing with my own emotions or asking for what I need but I'll do my best, thank you though"

"I'll always try to cheer you up if I can so if you're able to let me do that I'd be honoured"

"I'd appreciate that, why were you and Anathema so close though? I didn't think you knew each other very well, it's nice if you do though"

Even as the blond keeps his head down to focus on his lines Crowley can see the blush spreading across his cheeks and it warms his heart. Az really does care about him enough to be worried about loosing the friendship which makes things so much more meaningful.

Crowley moves his hand to properly stroke the skin above Az's shirt, caressing the soft skin. "We don't know each other well, we've had little chats before appointments but that's it. She's a really sweet girl and I like her so I hope we get closer but right now we're barely even friends. You must know how affectionate she is so she cuddled up to me and I was happy to let her because I'm rather touch starved myself. Neither of us intended to hurt you in any way, you know we'd never have even considered it if we knew what it would cause"

"I'm not upset with either of you, she knows me well but I've always tried to keep the different parts of my life separate so she hasn't seen me jealous before. I know neither of you meant any harm and I'm sure everything will be ok" 

"I'm glad, I'd never forgive myself if I ruined what we have here. If it'd make you feel better we can have a nice long cuddle when the tattoos done"

Luckily Az isn't currently tattooing because he starts spluttering and almost drops his tattoo gun. With a red face and mouth quickly curving up into a smile the blond looks up at Crowley and laughs awkwardly "I think it's better we don't, I've never had much physical contact with people so that would overwhelm me pretty quickly. We've hugged before and I always like it but I'm not ready much more, sorry to disappoint darling"

"No no no I'm not disappointed at all, I only offered because I thought it'd be something to make you happy but if you're not comfortable with it forget I offered"

Finally Crowley gets one of Az's gorgeous beaming smiles and can relax back to watch the artist work while his mind wanders.

Admittedly he's a little disappointed he won't get to properly cuddle the beautiful blond but knows if they did he probably couldn't handle it either. He's ridiculously touch starved so spending extended periods of time in his crushes embrace might send him over the edge. Just having permission to hug Az and knowing he enjoys it is more than enough to sustain Crowley.

Az gives his friend time to think and process before changing the topic to something more pleasant. They don't know a lot about each other so they're both desperate to know everything they can about the other person.

While talking Az finds out that as well as his love for plants and nature, Crowley has a deep obsession with cars. Though the artist knows next to nothing about cars and doesn't even have a licence, he's more than happy to listen to the red head babble. To his delight he finds out Crowley has a 1926 Bentley which is the florists pride and joy. Even with his lack of knowledge he knows that it's a very very nice car and privately hopes to himself that Crowley will take him for a ride one day. Getting together outside of either of their places of work would be lovely and getting to see something Crowley deeply loves would be even better.

Instead of bringing up this though Az lets Crowley keep talking and vows to subtly mention it later. He doesn't want to pressure the florist but wants his friend to know Az is completely open to meet ups purely as friends with no business involved.

After talking about cars for longer than he should have Crowley starts probing Az for more information. To his amusement he finds Az has a passion for literature just as strong, if not stronger, than his own for cars. Like the artist with cars, Crowley is rather lacking in his knowledge about almost any books. He's far from the most well read person and even when he does consume literature it's usually in the form of audiobooks rather than the novels Az loves.

Hearing about the sheer amount Az reads and his obsession with collecting first editions makes Crowley want to try books again. His family were never very invested in academics or nerdy things like reading so he'd never bothered. Now that he's got a friend like Az though maybe he should ask for recommendations and see if he can understand Az's obsession more.

Eventually Az pauses to take a breath and laughs at how much he's said "Sorry to go off on a tangent sweetheart, you have any favourite books you'd recommend me?"

"I... I don't really read a lot except for books about flowers"

"Oh my dear I can't even imagine that, I would die without books in my life"

"I can tell, you could recommend me some and I'll try reading them, maybe I'll end up a bookworm"

Az's eyes crinkle from happiness as he tries to contain his smile. As much as he'd love it if Crowley was as well read as he was so they could talk about books for hours, in some ways this is even nicer. The florist doesn't have any significant relationship with books so he's trusting Az to help him develop one and learn to love them too. For someone who loves learning and teaching as much as Az it's a dream come true to introduce someone he cares for to the most important thing in his life.

In his head Az starts making a list of books he'll need to hunt down in his collection and bring to his next meeting with Crowley. There's dozens he's eager for his new friend to read but has to restrain himself for now. For someone who may not have read a proper novel in years, maybe even decades, getting bombarded with books would be extremely overwhelming. Crowley needs to be gently eased into reading and given time to get into the habit before Az goes too crazy with his recommendations.

Az could happily talk about almost anything for the rest of the appointment but Crowley gets less and less responsive. His responses become very short and he reclines further on the chair, head lolling back as his muscles relax. It's not rare for someone to get tired in the middle of a tattoo but it is a little disappointing. Having Crowley stuck in a chair for hours on end was a perfect opportunity to get closer and they've done that but there's so much more to talk about.

It takes a few failed attempts at conversation but in the end Az resigns himself to what the florist wants. They're friends and time together is delightful Az is currently at his job and needs to respect Crowley just as much as any other client. If he's tired or struggling with the pain or stressed from talking a lot it's Az's job to do whatever will make him feel better.

It only takes a couple more minutes to completely finish the line work so Az puts down his tattoo gun and stands up to stretch. They've been at it for over an hour so Az is in desperate need of a break. Fascinating conversation takes his mind off the fatigue but sitting in the same place concentrating on black lines for a long time takes its toll.

While drinking a bottle of water Az paces up and down the length of his room, rolling out his shoulders and stretching his sore limbs. Once the bottles empty Az turns back to his friend, frowning when he sees Crowley hasn't moved. He can't see the red heads eyes past his glasses but his head follows Az's movement showing he's conscious and somewhat aware of his surroundings.

It isn't rare for a tattooing session to put someone in a strange headspace but Crowley didn't mention anything about it. Az is used to dealing with people's strange reactions but it adds extra anxiety when it's a friend.

Gently Az walks back to the florist and puts a hand on each of his biceps, rubbing them firmly to ground him "Crowley my darling look at me, can you talk?"

All Crowley can reply with is a low hum so Az digs his nails slightly into the red heads arm, trying to bring him back to earth. "I need you to talk to me sweet boy, do you need me to get you anything?" Az murmurs into Crowley's ear, feeling glad when it seems to bring him back to earth slightly more.

Feeling like his heads filled with cotton wool Crowley groans and lifts a hand to clutch at Az's forearm "Nah 'm fine, 'm sorry"

"Shh don't apologise my dear, just let me get you some water then we'll see if you can stand"

Once Crowley's downed a bottle of water he's almost back to normal but refuses to let go of Az's arm. It's far from the worst thing someones asked for so Az carefully helps his friend to his feet then walks a few laps of the room with him. Crowley only lets go of the artist to take a bathroom break then gets back into position, reclining on the chair.

Even after Crowley says he's ready to continue Az takes a minute to check everything's alright. He returns to his massaging of the man's arms then tries asking "What was happening Crowley dear? Was the pain too much for you?"

The red head whimpers and presses closer to his friend "N-not too much, 'm fine"

"You're slurring your words and were floating in the clouds, please don't lie to me. As both your friend and tattoo artist I need to know what was happening"

Crowley's mouth falls open but he nods and bows his head "You probably know about BDSM and I'm kind of into that stuff so that's what happened. I don't really do the sexual bit of it but having you hold me down and inflict pain was doing things to me, good things"

It's not something many people know so it's pretty humiliating to admit to. Crowley can't help leaning forward and pressing his forehead to Az's shoulder, drawing comfort from the closeness.

Justin was the first person he'd told about enjoying BDSM since his 20s and it all went wrong. He'd never understood that Crowley enjoyed the non-sexual parts of it so much more than anything sexual. Crowley never minded getting tied down and dominated in bed if it made his partner happy but it was never quite enough.

When Crowley finally tried to explain that Justin took it too far in the opposite direction and became almost unbearable. Instead of soft dominating in a safe space Justin tried to take complete control of every aspect of Crowley's life. He turned bossy and over protective, invalidating and insulting Crowley at every opportunity. Instead of being something calming and safe all it did was cause extreme stress and heightened anxiety.

Crowley knows Az would never do anything like that but it's terrifying to let the blond know something so important. Az isn't overbearing or bossy but he has a gentle dominance that Crowley's always found comforting. It's the way he always hoped to be dominated so loosing that would hurt, especially if it evolved into Az using it to hurt him or manipulate him.

Hearing the florist expose so much is shocking but Az takes it on board quickly. It's not exactly a surprise but it's not something he thought would be brought up in the middle of a tattoo.

With gentle hands Az caresses the back of Crowley's head, running his hands through the fiery hair "Did you go into subspace my dear?"

"N-not exactly but... But kind of I guess, I'm not really sure"

"I presume it's not safe for you to be in that headspace now so what can I do to help?"

"I don't really know, what you did to bring me out of it before was good, helped ground me"

Crowley's still lying against the blonds shoulder so Az helps him upright again then cups his cheek in a warm hand "Can I take your sunglasses off darling boy? I'd very much like to see your eyes to know you're ok and it'd be more comfortable for you to lie there without them"

It wasn't intended to but those words shock Crowley firmly back into his normal mind and his hands fly to his face. Az's hand doesn't move from his cheek but the florist holds it close, not letting his friend make any move towards the glasses.

"Please don't, I try not to take them off in front of people. I have super sensitive eyes so light hurts them and they're really ugly"

"I doubt they're ugly but I respect that as long as you're comfortable and promise me you're ok"

"I'm fine, I just forgot how it might affect me"

Now that Crowley's clear headed and communicating normally Az gives him another bottle of water to sip before returning to the tattoo. It's time for colour to be added which will be much more intense and time consuming so Az is a little worried how it'll be received.

Crowley barely reacts to Az continuing tattooing but seems more willing for conversation now. Az keeps a hand on his bicep like before, giving it a hard squeeze every couple of minutes to keep him firmly in the moment.

After a few minutes of talking about nothing but the tattoo Az returns to the bigger issue, hoping Crowley isn't too sensitive about it.

"Has something like this ever happened during a tattoo before?"

"Never, I think... I think it's more you than the tattoo"

"Care to tell me why darling?"

Crowley squirms a little, inciting another firm squeeze from Az to tell him to stop moving "Because of... that. Your voice and nicknames and holding me down and talking about bloody books and I... Ngk"

"My voice sends you into subspace huh?"

"Not in a weird way, I said it was nothing sexual and I mean it, I'm not being creepy. I've been such a disaster lately so being dominated by someone I trust and feel safe with affects me more than ever"

"Was your ex also your dom? Is that why it sent you into such a bad state?"

"No... Well I guess so but he was never good at it, he couldn't dominate me in the way I was begging him to. Why do you know so much about this anyway?"

"I had a boyfriend in my youth who was interested in the concept so I did a lot of research. We never got past light spanking and restraints before going our separate ways but I know a lot about the community"

All that gets is a hum in acknowledgement as Crowley realises Az probably knows more about BDSM than he does. Crowley's the one so much more invested in it but the artist likely knows more than he ever imagined. It's shocking and thrilling at the same time as Crowley's crush deepens at how perfect for him Az really is. Even as completely platonic friends the things Az could do for Crowley are amazing to consider.

Az lets him sit in silence for a minute before squeezing his arm, not willing to risk anymore zoning out. Before he didn't mind too much about slipping into silence but now it's to be avoided at all costs.

The rest of the tattoo takes over two hours but Az keeps up a steady stream of chatter. As Crowley said his voice seems to relax him but stopping to ask the red heads opinion every few sentences keeps his head intact.

After the last drops of ink go into Crowley's skin Az places down his tattoo gun and sighs loudly in relief "We're done darling, take a deep breath before I give you aftercare"

Crowley gives a little whimper at hearing aftercare but goes along with Az's instructions without question. He lets the artist rub ointment over the tattoo before wrapping it up in plastic wrap then they both admire it.

Az has done much more intricate tattoos but is still very proud of the art. It compliments Crowley's long, thin, pale forearm perfectly and is just as beautiful on skin as Az hoped it would be.

The piece is by far the most beautiful tattoo Crowley has and he's overwhelmingly glad it worked out so well. As a gardener it would be hard to cover the tattoo like he can for his others so having it turn out badly would be very distressing.

Once Az has quickly run through care instructions for the tattoo that Crowley already knows, he helps the red head to his feet. They both stretch out their muscles before as leans up to cup Crowley's face between his two hands "Thank you for trusting me to tattoo you and telling me something private which I know must have scared you"

"I'm sorry, I wanted today to be happy and lighthearted but I screwed it up"

"You didn't screw anything up, you could never ruin something like this. Today has been quite intense but that's to be expected from spending multiple hours with someone in a stressful situation. You learned about my anxiety attacks and I learned about your subspace, neither of us have to be ashamed about what happened here"

A slow stuttering step brings their bodies closer together so the artist lets his hands move from Crowley's face. He pulls the beautiful red head into a firm hug, hands spread over his back to assure Crowley the contact is alright. With a vulnerable whimper Crowley lets his cheek lie against curly blond hair, savouring every second of Az's touch. Hugs are so rare and special that he couldn't bring himself to waste a single second of this blessing.

When Az pulls back he gives Crowley a smile, hoping his uncertainty isn't showing through on his face "Anything more you'd like to tell me dear boy? I hope you know you can trust me, I'll never abuse anything you see fit to tell me"

There's a million things Crowley could say but he can't bring himself to say any of it. After exposing so much of himself in one day he needs to cool off before giving more pieces of his heart to Az.

Instead of replying Crowley pulls the blond back into a short bone crushing hug before quickly walking out of the room. Az chuckles to himself as he leisurely follows, stopping in the doorway to watch the florist.

Crowley and Anathema joke lightly as he shows her the new tattoo and her eager fingers trail over the lines. Once it's been suitably appreciated Crowley starts to reach for his wallet but is stopped by Anathema words. Az doesn't quite catch what she says but it causes both of his friends to turn and look at him.

Az smirks at Crowley as the florist splutters and takes a step back towards him "Angel you're not seriously? You forbid me paying?"

"That's correct my darling, you gave me your beautiful flowers for free so this is my way to pay you back"

Spluttering in outrage Crowley waves a flailing hand towards the vases of flowers on the counter "That's not the same, I had flowers left over from over jobs and thought they'd make a nice present. They're already wilting but your art will be on me forever, I owe you for that"

"Absolutely not, I'm not taking no for an answer I'm afraid dear"

"Tattoos like this cost hundreds of pounds Az, a few bunches of flowers are nothing close to that"

"If you're so upset over this you can bring us more flowers to make up for it. Any time you have plants that aren't quite right for selling or flowers that need to be used up you can bring them here, how's that sound?"

Crowley's eyes narrow as he watches the artist but he can't find a fault with that plan. As much as he doesn't like Az giving him such exquisite art for free, the idea of consistently bringing him flowers makes up for it. He's already calculating how many bouquets it will take to make up the cost of the tattoo and how many times he can excuse coming over to bring them.

Still smirking mischievously at getting his own way Az tilts his head to the side "That's a yes is it my dear boy? I thought you'd like that idea"

Even as Crowley opens his mouth to tease Az back, words fall out that he didn't mean to own up to "We should go out some time, as friends I mean. I could pick you up and take you to dinner, it might be nice..."

His words trail off as he watches Az, silently begging him not to take the suggestion badly. Adam's been encouraging him to ask so he can only hope Az is open to the idea of spending more time together and becoming closer friends.

With a twinkle in his eyes Az walks over to tug at the collar of Crowley's shirt "I'd love for you to take me out Crowley, I've been meaning to ask you the same"

While the florist almost vibrates out of his own skin, they exchange phone numbers and make shaky plans for Friday night. With Az's number in his phone and confirmation he'd like to go out together Crowley's feeling amazing.

He bounces to the door and flashes Az a huge smile "Can't wait to see you again, thanks for the beautiful tattoo Zira"

The artists eyebrows raise at the unfamiliar nickname but he doesn't seem phased, only replying "Zira huh? That's cute"

"You're cute so I thought it'd fit. I've been thinking about your full name a lot so I decided I really like it and want to have my own nickname for you"

"I'm more than happy with you calling me angel but I like that too. I'll see you on Friday, I hope I made it clear that I expect to be picked up in your beautiful Bentley and to be given roses"

Eagerly nodding Crowley waves to Az and Anathema before bounding out of the shop to return to his job, hoping Adam hasn't had any disasters.


	7. Chapter 7

Crowley's in complete disarray. Since getting Az's number they've been texting back and forth for days. They're both busy people so sometimes it takes hours for a response but the conversation is always easy and comforting. In the evenings after work Crowley replies to Az almost instantly and usually the artist does the same unless he's lost in a book.

Part of Crowley wonders why the blond isn't spending the time with his boyfriend but can't bring himself to ask. The man's love life is none of his business so if he chooses to spend his evenings texting Crowley the florist will let himself enjoy that.

As their evening together draws closer Crowley becomes completely scatterbrained and distracted. He spends all of Friday playing with roses and daydreaming about the time he'll be spending with Az.

After extensive research one night when Az wasn't replying, Crowley found a highly regarded sushi restaurant that was perfect for their date. It wasn't anything romantic that would give either of them the wrong idea but it was special enough to be worthy of Az.

When it's only an hour away Crowley convinces Adam to close up the shop and help him get ready. It's all a little ridiculous but he knows he was the same on his first date with Warlock. Adam's spent a long time being a gay disaster so he can't exactly judge his boss for being even more of a gay disaster.

Five outfits later Crowley's in the middle of a pile of clothes and still no closer to being ready. Most of his wardrobe is black and very casual so finding anything special is almost impossible. Everything Az has seen him in has been black jeans and black shirts so wearing the same thing to their first proper outing as friends will only disappoint them both.

Crowley's almost in tears when Adam sees his distress and takes control. Firmly he sits his boss down on the bed before rummaging through the hurricane of clothes strewn all over the room. If given the chance Crowley's going to stay here all night trying on every piece of clothing he owns until he works himself into a panic. Tonight is supposed to be happy, Crowley's first time in months going out with a friend, and Adam refuses to have that ruined. He might be barely out of his teens but he's an unstoppable force when he cares about something and he most definitely cares about Crowley more than enough.

With a huff Adam abandons the clothes on the floor, focusing on the stack of things Crowley determined to be acceptable. It's a rather small pile but enough for Adam to find something decent to force his boss into before kicking him out the door. He highly doubts Az will care at all what his friend turns up in considering his own lack of fashion sense so all Crowley needs to do is get dressed and go. If he spends too much longer over thinking he'll be late for his date which will be much worse than not having the perfect outfit.

When a pair of jeans land in his lap Crowley pulls them on, grimacing when he realises they're his tightest pair. After flailing on the bed he manages to tug them on, shooting Adam a glare for inflicting this torture on him. All he receives in return is a middle finger as his employee keeps searching for a shirt that is tolerable.

Despite his whining Crowley checks himself out in the mirror and admits he does look good in the jeans. They might be slightly cutting off the blood flow to his feet but his legs and arse look amazing. It's not something he should be thinking about when going out with a platonic friend but having Az look at his arse will always be appreciated. The artist has the most delectable arse himself so having his own appreciated will make Crowley feel a little better about his frequent admiring of Az.

Most of Crowley's wardrobe is pretty similar so Adam decides it really doesn't matter. He'll look good no matter what he wears so he just needs to put something on and get out the door.

Carelessly he plucks a grey t-shirt from the pile, giving it a critical look before having an idea. It's close to what Crowley usually wears so if paired with something nice it'll be comfortable enough to calm him down but fancy enough to impress Az.

Easily Crowley puts on the shirt, vest and blazer he's given then lets Adam wrap a silver tie around his neck. It takes a long time and a lot of staring at himself in the mirror but finally, 10 minutes late, Crowley leaves the flower shop.

Sliding behind the wheel of his Bentley calms his mind so he spends a minute pressing his forehead to the smooth leather. He spent so much time worrying about his outfit that he forgot to worry about the other hundreds of things that could go wrong. He didn't even get to check over the roses before Adam shoved them into his arms and threw him out the door.

Even though he's late and Az will be annoyed with him, Crowley takes a few more minutes to himself. It'll take less than a minute to drive down the street to pick up the artist so he's willing to give himself some time alone. It's been too long since he had to impress another person like this so its almost crushing him to even think about it.

Eventually Adam comes out to smack on the window of his car, frowning to see his boss still panicking in the car. With a dramatic eye roll he slides into the passenger seat and gives Crowley a glare "Crowley I'm serious, if you don't get your arse down the road I'm going to throw you out and take him on a date myself"

It's a hollow threat but Crowley finally gives in and starts the car. There's a tense silence in the car for the whole 40 seconds it takes them to get down the road and park outside the tattoo parlour. When Crowley jumps out of the car Adam pokes his tongue out and pats his back "I'm proud of you, such a long treacherous journey to get here"

Crowley glares again and punches his employees shoulder before stalking inside. He's steeling himself for Az's annoyance or even for him to have left already but only receives a beaming smile from Anathema. She's in her customary place behind the counter with feet on the desk, pencils in her bun and sketchpad resting against her knees.

After giving him a wink she tilts her head to the side so Crowley follows her gaze so Az. He's curled up on a sofa against the wall, head bent as he sketches furiously, not noticing a new addition to the shop. Like usual he's in soft shades of beige and white but has traded his usual sweater for a shirt, vest, coat and bowtie. In their mirrored outfits Crowley privately thinks they'll make a rather attractive pair. He never considered how he'd look next to Az but is satisfied they'll look wonderful walking arm in arm.

With a gentle smile Crowley strolls towards his friend, forgetting completely about their employees watching them. Despite his knees protesting Crowley drops to the ground in front of the artist, holding the roses out into his eyesight so he has no choice but to look up.

When he sees Crowley on the floor holding out his favourite flowers Az's heart leaps into his throat. He reaches out with trembling hands to take them from the florist and hold them tight to his chest "Oh my darling these are beautiful, I'm so happy to see you"

"I'm a little late, I hope you're not angry with me"

"I didn't even notice dear boy, I've been sitting here for over an hour drawing so a few more minutes don't matter"

A flush of relief goes through Crowley at Az's acceptance so he rests his forehead against the couch beside his friends thigh. As much as his brain tries to make him freak out, his heart is too focused on the close proximity. Az is acting like an angel yet again so it's hard to focus on anything except how happy he is to be here.

Gentle hands run through his hair making Crowley look up at the artist.

It takes all of Az's self control to stop himself from moaning at how purely gorgeous his friend looks. He's always known the red head is a work of art but seeing that art kneeling before at his feet is deeply humbling. It's never been a place Az has wanted Crowley, or anyone for that matter, but it's stunning to see.

Seeing the blonds panic Crowley looks down, pushing his sunglasses further up his nose to salvage a hint of his control. While he pushes down his emotion Az jumps up off the couch, still clutching his flowers as he reaches out a hand to Crowley. The florist eagerly takes it and lets Az help him to his feet, holding onto his soft hand a moment longer than he needs to.

With a blush in his cheeks Az gives the roses to Anathema to care for before offering his arm to Crowley. Last time it happened in the flower shop Crowley was unprepared but this time he can take it with grace. As they walk past Crowley sticks his tongue out at Adam, silently mocking his employee for thinking he couldn't do this. It might have taken a monumental effort to get him into this position but now that he's here Crowley's determined for things to be perfect.

Opening the door to the Bentley for Az sends another beautiful flush to the artists cheeks. His soft chest brushes Crowley's as he slides past the florist into the car, not bothering to keep any distance between them. As his skin tingles from the contact Crowley shuts the door behind him then hurries to get into the car himself.

While he starts up the car Az runs an appreciative hand over the dashboard, humming softly "Your cars beautiful my dear, I can see why you're so proud of it"

"It's my pride and joy, one of the only possessions I truly care about"

"I'll be proud to be picked up in such a wonderful car every time we go out"

Crowley's too shocked to reply after hearing Az want to go out again before they've even started their first. It's beyond comforting to know what even if Crowley continues acting like a bumbling idiot and ruins everything Az still wants to see him again.

With a thousand times more confidence Crowley pulls onto the road, trying to keep closer to the speed limit than usual. Usually he has no qualms speeding but correctly assumes the artist wouldn't take well to that, both due to the law and fears for his own safety.

At first there's a couple beats of awkward silence before Az starts fiddling. His hands run over the dashboard again before opening the glove compartment to find it stuffed full of CDs. Easily he picks out a case and twirls it between his fingers "The Velvet Underground huh? Any good?"

Crowley doesn't reply as he violently swings around a corner before flicking a look over at the artist. He's about to say it's one of his favourite bands before remembering previous weeks of listening to Pale Blue Eyes on repeat "Oh um you wouldn't like it, modern stuff wouldn't be your style"

Nodding sagely in understanding Az slips the CD back in as he murmurs "Ah yes, bebop". Before the florist can ask what the bloody hell bebop is supposed to be, Az has turned his attention to a new CD and makes a happy noise "Oh I've heard of this band Queen, my dear Anathema said she saw a movie about them just a few weeks ago"

There's a rather high chance Crowley may have watched Bohemian Rhapsody at least a dozen times but wouldn't admit to it. He might make a mental note to invite Az over one day to watch it together but that's far in the future. Going to each other's apartments would likely be too big of a step for their new friendship and make Az uncomfortable.

Besides, if he's going to invite the beautiful artist over Crowley couldn't bare to do it while living above the flower shop. It's not the worst place a newly single middle aged man going through a breakdown could be living but isn't close to Az's standards. He likely lives somewhere dead posh that Crowley couldn't even dream of living and would be horrified at his friends situation. Inviting someone classy like Az to somewhere so obviously below him would only make their blaring differences more apparent.

Crowley's already living in terror that the artist will realise how out of his league he is but that has to be prevented at all costs. He'll only give Az the most beautiful, expensive flowers and pick him up in the Bentley, the one nice thing Crowley owns. Even the restaurant they're going to is a little out of Crowley's budget but it's necessary if he wants to earn a second outing together. You can't take a person like Az somewhere substandard, he deserves to be wined and dined in the most exquisite places. It might mean Crowley's short on cash for the week but it's worth it to woo Az by taking him somewhere delightful and picking up the cheque.

Az's boyfriend most definitely takes him to the nicest places in London and Crowley refuses to be outdone by a man he's never even met. He won't get Az's heart but Crowley's determined to at least win the privilege of providing Az's Friday night entertainment.

The sounds of Freddy Mercury fill the car, breaking Crowley out of his depressed spiral. He gives himself a stern word about how there's going to be none of this ridiculous wallowing in self pity tonight before focusing on Az. The blond might know less than half the words to Don't Stop Me Now but that isn't stopping him singing along. It's quite out of tune and nothing more than a string of nonsense the Mad Hatter would be impressed by but is quite possibly the best sound Crowley's ever heard. Previously that honour was awarded to adorable kitten videos on Youtube but the sound of Az duetting with Freddy Mercury blows it far out of the water.

They get through most of the song before Az looks over at Crowley and giggles "I've been told I'm a rather abysmal singer but that's never stopped me, hope it hasn't put you off your appetite"

As they pull up at the restaurant Crowley replies with "It's done many things but damage my appetite isn't one of them" before jumping out of the car and running around to open Az's door. The artist shoots him a soft appreciative look before sliding out of the Bentley and letting Crowley lock the doors before offering his arm. Together they walk inside, getting immediately seated at a table across from each other.

In some ways the seating is perfect because Crowley just might combust if he had to spend the whole meal shoulder to shoulder with Az. On the other hand though, this way he's able to stare at his friend all evening which will be very hard to resist.

Silently they both look at the wine list before Crowley realises dejectedly that he's not going to be able to read. When he chose the restaurant he hoped it would be dim enough not to hurt his eyes but forgot about his reading problems.

Trying to act casual Crowley puts down the menu and fiddles with his sleeve "You should choose some wine for us angel, I trust your good tastes"

Crowley misses the confused look Az gives him, keeping his eyes trained on the table as the artist easily orders drinks. Once the waiters left Az leans across the table to cover Crowley's hands with his, stopping the red heads fidgeting "Crowley dear are you feeling ok? Did I do something to offend you?"

"No of course not, you've been perfect"

"You do drink right dear? If you don't like wine or don't wish to drink tonight that's completely fine"

"I do drink and I want to drink with you, it's just a little dark in here and I... I can't..."

A look of realisation goes across Az's face as his hands tighten over Crowley's "Sushi is one of my favourite foods so you wouldn't mind me ordering for us both would you darling? I promise I'll choose things you'll like and make this a nice meal for us both"

With waves of embarrassment going through him Crowley easily agrees and lets Az turn back to his own menu. It was the nicest possible way the blond could have dealt with the issue without making Crowley admit his faults. Not being able to see well enough to read a menu is humiliating and if Az had made him talk about it it would have broke him. His plan of wooing Az is already off to a bad start so Crowley's desperate to hold onto whatever shreds of confidence he can.

When the waiter returns Az orders for them both in easy Japanese as promised then pours two glasses of wine. Firmly he pushes Crowley's towards him then raises his glass "I suppose we should cheers to something"

"To Az for being an angel"

"And to Crowley for being the most darling man I've ever met"

"To us and this lovely friendship"

"To us"

They touch their glasses together with reddening cheeks on both sides before Az easily drains his wine in one gulp. Crowley raises an eyebrow as he follows suit before holding his glass out for more "Oh Zira I do hope you're not trying to outdrink me because I assure you, you won't be able to"

"Don't underestimate me dear boy, you're not the only one with an adolescence heavily soaked in alcohol"

"I suppose I'm going to have to take that as a challenge then"

"Considering you're driving I suggest you restrain yourself on this occasion"

"Guess I'll have to put my plan to drink you under the table on hold for now"

Az's only reply is to sip his glass of wine and give Crowley a coy, teasing look. Getting drunk to the point of passing out together would be a delightful experience but not one to be had in public.

While pacing themselves with the alcohol Az and Crowley talk easily about everything that's happened since last seeing each other. Due to both working in jobs based in customer service there's no shortage of amusing moments and ridiculous customers to tell stories about.

Despite appearances Az is quickly proving himself to have a quite wicked sense of humour. No matter the subject the artist is always ready to provide little quips and jokes that leave Crowley in stitches. Az is easily the funniest person Crowley's ever met without even trying which makes every conversation an utter delight.

They're both still laughing over Az's latest story when their sushi arrives. Again Az thanks the waiter in perfect Japanese before frowning at the selection in front of them.

Crowley's never been very passionate about food so if happy to let Az take control. Considering how much he's said he likes eating out and the fact he lived in Japan for years he's by far the sushi expert between them. Even if Crowley had been able to properly read the menu he'd likely have let Az order for him anyway otherwise he'd have been choosing at random. Deferring to the artist feels natural so Crowley's more than happy to give up control when he knows it will work out so well.

Daintily Az picks up a pair of chopsticks then inclines his head at his dining partner "You can use chopsticks right dear? I'd hate to be those people who go to an Asian restaurant and eat with a knife and fork"

"I'm not one of those people, I'm not amazing with them but I've eaten enough bad Chinese takeout to learn the basics"

"I despise bad Chinese takeout, one day I'll take you to a lovely Chinese place in Soho I enjoy"

Az has made multiple mentions of future outings together and places they could go which always sends a rush through Crowley. Their friendship is still relatively new so it's going to take some time for Crowley to get rid of his nerves about loosing the artist. At this point the rational part of his brain knows that if Az was going to leave he'd have done it already but it's hard to let go of his paranoia.

With bright eyes Az picks up a piece of sushi from the roll closest to him and takes a tiny bite. He lets out a little hum of delight before pushing the plate towards Crowley with his free hand "Try some of this dear, it's tuna"

Watching Az enjoy his own sushi seems like much more fun but Crowley obeys. He's not fully sold after the first bite but by the time he finishes it he's already reaching for another piece. Crowley's never been a huge fan of sushi but he's starting to realise maybe he just hasn't tried the right ones. So far that seems to be a trend from his time with Az which indicates that Crowley's going to have a very interesting future with him.

When he sees Crowley reaching for more tuna roll Az smacks at the florists chopsticks with his own "Uh uh sweetheart, try everything before you get greedy"

Again Crowley has no choice but to follow orders and take a piece of the other sushi roll, this one filled with avocado. To his shock Crowley likes this one almost as much then when Az talks him into trying gyoza he almost passed out from delight. Maybe it's only because of the wonderful company but this is turning out to be the best meal Crowley's had in years.

While eating neither man makes an attempt to talk about anything more than the food but Crowley enjoys himself immensely. The sounds Az makes while enjoying something particularly delicious are too precious to be smothered with conversation.

The artist has a deep love of good food and wine which is becoming increasingly apparent. For someone like Crowley who's often seen eating as nothing more than a means to an end it's intriguing. He might never develop the sophisticated pallet and love of food Az has but he's already developing a love of watching the blond eat.

Before long Crowley's had enough to eat so he relaxes back in his chair, enjoying his wine and watching Az enjoy himself. He gets to spend a delightful quarter of an hour gorging himself on the sight of his best friend while slowly getting himself tipsy.

While Az is distracted Crowley even caves and lets himself take a long lingering glance at the blonds mouth. Over the years Crowley's received compliments about how good he looks on his knees with his mouth full but knows he's nothing compared to Az. If you looked up dick sucking lips in the dictionary you'd find a picture of the artists mouth as a prime example. As if it wasn't enough to make him look like an angel from Heaven, he's also blessed with the kind of mouth models spend thousands on Botox trying to achieve.

To Crowley's dismay Az eventually reaches the last piece of sushi, popping it in his mouth with a satisfied groan. He chews slowly, savouring every bite before washing it down with a long sip of wine.

The artist throws a glance across the table to his friend before raising his glass "I like to think I chose a rather nice wine my dear, drink up and don't let any go to waste"

Together the two men linger over their wine for longer than is quite decent before calling for the cheque. While Crowley drains his glass the waiter comes to set the cheque in front of Az who takes it easily.

Crowley tries to reach for it but Az holds on, giving the florist a little smirk "I must insist on paying dear, you can pay the next time you take me out"

"Come on angel, you shouldn't have to pay"

"You picked me up in your wonderful car and brought me flowers so you have to at least let me pay"

Not willing to take no for an answer Az gets to his feet and follows the waiter to the front of the restaurant. Once he's payed he returns to their table to pour out the last of the wine into each of their glasses. After carefully waiting for Crowley to take a sip he calmly says "Have you ever heard that if you're out with a same sex friend and the waiter puts the bill in front of you they've decided you're the top?"

To his delight Crowley ends up spitting half the wine in his mouth back into the glass as he splutters with laughter. With a trail of wine running down the side of his mouth he shakes his head at the artist "I've never heard that but it's annoyingly accurate considering no one ever gives me the bill"

It's something he should feel embarrassed about but in that moment Crowley can only find it hilarious. Az seems very amused by the whole situation and Crowley knows he'll be teased about it in the future but doesn't mind that one bit.

Making him laugh about it was probably Az's intention and worked perfectly. Crowley was about to get upset that the artist paid for their date and quite likely stress himself out about it but now he's laughing his arse off. It's so much easier to brush off Az paying for dinner as people assuming Az is a top rather than Crowley not being good enough for him.

While Crowley tries to control himself Az fumbles in his pocket for a handkerchief to hold out to the florist "Clean yourself up dear, you've made a big mess"

"That's the benefit of wearing black, you can be a mess and spill wine down yourself but only the pretty boy you're eating with will know"

Carefully Crowley dabs at his chin then at the collar of his shirt to clean up the spilled wine. He knows he's a disaster but it's technically Az's fault so the artist can't blame him. Az is still giggling as he daintily sips his own wine so Crowley's comforted that he finds the clumsiness endearing.

Once Crowley's clean he tries to hand the handkerchief back but Az shakes his head "Keep it dear, at this rate you may need it again"

Eagerly Crowley holds onto it before remembering he's been in this same situation before. With slightly trembling hands Crowley pulls the previous handkerchief from his pocket, newly washed and ironed. Az looks shocked to see it but happily takes it and folds it neatly "Oh I'd forgotten about this my darling, thank you for taking such good care of it"

"I felt like a right ninny carrying it around but I wanted to give it back to you"

"And I do so appreciate that, perhaps I'll have to give you them more often to get you into the habit of being a cranky old grandpa like me"

Graciously Az pretends he doesn't hear the way Crowley mutters "Sexiest grandpa I've ever seen" under his breath. It's the kind of offhand comment Crowley makes rather often and Az has noticed he usually doesn't realise he's said it. Any time the blond tries to comment on it he usually receives nothing but confusion and a quick subject change. Since Crowley doesn't realise he's saying it out loud Az is happy not to mention it and simply enjoy the little peak into the red heads mind.

While Az muffles his amusement at the comment and tucks away the clean handkerchief Crowley plays with his own stained one. He notices a little path of embroidery in the corner and runs his fingers over it, squinting until he sees its a pair of wings.

Az peers over to see what he's up to and chuckles slightly at seeing the little wings "That's my family crest, sounds ridiculous saying it out loud. My brother gave me the handkerchiefs as a Christmas present one year. They're rather pretentious but too useful to throw away out of spite"

Not knowing quite what to make of being friends with someone who has a family crest, Crowley tucks the cloth away and gets to his feet. Az takes the offered hand to help him to his feet then deliberately forgets to let go of it as they walk out of the restaurant. Crowley's hands are quite large and calloused from working with them for so many years but feel lovely against his own.

Az has always been teased by clients for having the hands of someone who's never done a day of hard work in his life and he can't help but agree. His career choices were between artist, historian and librarian, none of which require much manual labour. The heaviest thing he picks up in a day is often his tattoo gun, though he does pride himself on being decently strong. He finds its quite a nice contrast to feel small baby soft hands firmly pinning you in place while continuously sticking a needle into your skin. It's never failed to amuse his regulars and Az has learned to find the humour in it over the years.

When they arrive back at the Bentley Az lets Crowley open the door for him again then waits for the man to slide in himself. While the red head turns on the car and fiddles with the stereo Az reaches over to place a hand on his knee, smirking at the squeal it causes "Would you be so kind as to drive me home dearest? If it inconveniences you feel free to drop me at the shop and I can Uber home but I would appreciate you dropping me off instead"

It's a rather thin excuse to get Crowley to come to his house but one the florist latches onto with delight. Even if it wastes half his night he's determined to be the one to drop Az home and assure he's safe. If he had to catch an Uber Crowley would spend the whole time worrying if something would go wrong and send a few too many texts checking on the artist. This way he can get Az home safely and have a good excuse to know where he lives in case their friendship reaches home visits at any point.

As expected Crowley happily agrees to dropping Az home so they settle into comfortable silence again with another Queen album playing. Sadly the blond only lives 15 minutes from the restaurant so before long they're pulling over at the curb. Like Crowley thought the artist has his own house but surprisingly it's a tiny detached bungalow hidden behind two other houses.

Eagerly Crowley jumps out to walk Az to the door, taking in every detail of the house. It's not the fancy expensive house he'd expected but somehow is even more perfect. Somewhere small and private that feels like home suits Az more than anything else ever could.

After fumbling with his keys for a minute Az gets the door open and smiles at Crowley "Would you like to come in my darling? We've only managed to get tipsy so far and I'd very much like to remedy that"

"Oh no angel I shouldn't, you're probably sick of me already and I doubt your boyfriend wants to wake up to a couple of drunk idiots on the couch"

It's the stupidest excuse Az has ever heard so he carefully toes his shoes off while scoffing "Don't be silly, it's only been a few hours and I'm not even close to being done with you yet. Also I don't live with Kane, never have and never will for the sake of my sanity"

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to intrude or waste your alcohol, don't feel obliged to invite me in out of politeness"

"Darling I must insist, we're already halfway there so there's no reason for you to not come inside and get roaring drunk with me. If it makes you feel better, my wanker of a brother gifted me a bottle of 1946 Bourbon a few weeks ago and I couldn't bare to drink it alone. He'd look down his nose at both of us quite dreadfully so it'd be spiffing revenge to get sloshed out of our minds on his gift"

Feeling quite overwhelmed all Crowley can reply with is "Well I couldn't bare to ruin such a lovely passive aggressive plan" before following the artist in.


	8. Chapter 8

As soon as Crowley steps inside Az's home he feels a sense of calm come over him. He can feel the soft carpet under his socks, smell a hint of cinnamon in the air and is wrapped in warmth. Happily he tugs off his jacket and tie, placing them on the coat rack by the door next to Az's jacket.

Lazily he follows the artist out of the front hallway to his living room where he stops to stare. Crowley had been amazed at Az's love for literature but never quite realised the depth of it. There's floor to ceiling bookcases lining two walls of the room and every inch of them is stuffed with books. As if that wasn't enough there's also haphazard piles of books all over the room and Crowley's afraid to ask how more there is throughout the house.

Noticing his friends surprise Az does a little happy wiggle before spreading his arms wide "Welcome to my home, there's more books, blankets and candles than one man could ever need but not a lot else"

"It's fucking amazing angel, I thought you'd live somewhere modern and posh but this is so much better"

"I grew up that way and my siblings held onto that but the second I could I moved somewhere more me. As much as I like glass and open space there's always something to be said about warmth and some loving clutter"

Az just describes Crowley's idea of a perfect home which makes his heart swell with joy. The artists house is such a beautiful place and Crowley's already planning ways to get himself invited back as often as possible.

Already feeling drowsy from the alcohol and warmth he shuffles to the couch and flops down face first. The pillow he hands on smells undeniably like Az so Crowley takes the opportunity to take a long deep breath and feel the tension leaking out of his body.

There's the sounds of Az pottering around his house in the background but Crowley feels so at home that they feel natural. When a hand presses to the small of his back all the florist can do is whine and press back into the touch.

With a soft sigh Az lets his fingers stroke up and down his friends back as he kneels beside the couch "Wake up dear, are you ok with staying or would you like to go home?"

"Please let me stay angel, I never want to move again"

"Stay as long as you'd like, I've got the bourbon but feel free to nap"

The feeling of Az retreating to the other couch breaks Crowley from his trance and he grudgingly pushes himself up. With heavy limbs he manages to shuffle around enough to get onto his back, reclining against the arm of the couch. He watches Az pour bourbon with lidded eyes then takes the glass he's offered, pressing it to his cheek to attempt to wake himself up.

With a smirk Az lifts his glass and tilts his head towards the red head "Bottoms up darling, I believe you threatened to drink me under the table so it's time to put your money where your mouth is"

Both men take a long drink before Az shoves his glass into Crowley's free hand and get to his feet. Currently Az has two sofas making an L shape which he'd always found the most convenient but it's not working for him. Not being able to properly see Crowley is a real shame and if they're planning to get drunk together things need to change. Az is well aware that trying to move a couch while drunk will go badly so it's easier to do it now while only tipsy and save himself an injury.

Crowley watches on in amusement as Az drags the second sofa parallel to the first then throws himself down to mimic Crowley's position. It's the first time he's seen the blond with anything but perfect posture which is very attractive. Now they're both lying spread over their respective couches with about a foot between them. If Crowley privately thinks it's the perfect distance to hold hands across, he'd never admit to it out loud.

They drink in silence for a while, both lost in thoughts about the other much too embarrassing to share.

When Az looks over to see Crowley watching him he rolls onto his side, propping himself up with his elbow. Both take another drink before Az murmurs "Tell me a secret Crowley, tell me something no one else on earth knows"

Without missing a beat Crowley groans loudly and buries his face in the couch, clutching a pillow to his chest "When I was 21 I bought weed from my dealer and he gave me acid to try. I'd never done anything heavy before so I tried it at home a few days later and ended up tripping balls. I was tripping balls for hours before I could even think properly and I was scared shitless. I ended up calling my sibling Bee because they were the only person I could tell so they came over and helped then kicked the shit out of me. After that I flushed everything else my dealer gave me out of terror of what Bee would do if that happened again"

Az snorts into his bourbon and lets his head roll back "Does it count as a secret if Bee knows too?"

"They don't, I said it was legally prescribed Xanax but I don't think they believed me. That was when they still hoped I'd join the army like the rest of the family so they didn't want to think about me taking drugs"

"When I was 17 I tried cocaine for the first and last time. My boyfriend at the time was doing it so I did too to seem cool and lost my mind a little. I'd already drunk too much and taken pills so I blacked out completely and woke up the next day naked in a house half way across London. I couldn't find anyone I knew so getting home was a nightmare and I had to explain to my brother how I lost my clothes, phone and keys. A few days later my boyfriend sent me videos of that night and I found out I'd ended up in an orgy. After a stupid amount of STD tests to check I was safe I dumped him and never spoke to him again or got near cocaine"

That was a lot heavier than Crowley expected so he takes a long drink while he tries to process that. At 17 he was already drinking and smoking too much with the wrong crowd but never anything that intense. Acid was the first proper drug Crowley tried at 21 so thinking about Az doing something as heavy as cocaine at 17 is mind blowing. Between the two of them no one would have ever expected Az to be the one with the wilder childhood.

When he's met with silence from the other couch Az reaches out a hand towards Crowley "Say something dear, what's wrong?"

"You were 17 and people you trusted put you in that position, I'm sorry angel"

"I put myself in that position, some of my friends told me cocaine was a bad idea but I was stubborn and determined to act mature. I tried to be smarter after that but I didn't get myself together for a long time, are you ok with that?"

"Of course I am, doesn't matter what I think about what you did as a teenager"

"My brother would disagree, he delights in telling people I care about the dirty details of my adolescence every chance he gets"

"We're talking about the handkerchief and bourbon brother still yeah?"

"Yes that's Gabriel, a real delight"

Terrible families is a topic Crowley's very comfortable with so he listens easily to Az's complaints. He knows the artist comes from an intensely catholic family so hearing that they don't get along well isn't a surprise. Having a son who's gay, a tattoo artist and had a period of using hard drugs wouldn't go down well in any religious family.

Since he stills gets gifts from the asshole brother though Crowley guesses things must be better than he expected. Somehow, despite Crowley's own siblings not giving a shit about his sexuality and grudgingly accepting his life decisions, he's ended up with the worse family relationship.

With a huff Crowley sticks his leg out to kick the artists thigh "Tell me a secret now, what other things has my favourite naughty boy done?"

Az pouts at the nickname but scrunches his nose up as he thinks "I have a lot to tell you but that's not really fair, I already told you a secret about the cocaine"

"It wasn't a secret though, I bet your friends at the time knew about it"

"Damn it, stop being smart when my brain is shutting down"

"If you tell me a secret I'll tell you a story about myself that's similar, gotta keep things fair"

Immediately something pops into Az's brain that he's been wanting to bring up for a while. He's never wanted to tell Crowley out of nowhere in case it wasn't received well or made things awkward but this seems like the perfect time. Crowley's promised a story of his own that's similar and they're both too drunk to do much anyway. Even if Crowley wanted to leave he couldn't so this is the best chance Az is going to get.

Carefully Az turns his face away from his friend to stare at the ceiling before blurting out "I'm not sure I'm male, I've always been cis but sometimes I'm not sure if it's right. I've never wanted to be a woman but sometimes being a man is too constricting. When I tried to bring up to my family that I might be non-binary or something similar they shut it down immediately. After that I thought it would be easier to stay as a man because it's the easiest"

"Do you think you are non-binary?"

"I don't know, I'm not fully a man but I don't know if I'm fully not a man either. I've always presented as male and been comfortable in a male body so maybe I am just cis and trying to be special"

"I doubt that angel, if identifying as male doesn't feel quite right that means it probably isn't right. I don't know how you're feeling because I've always been comfortable as a cis man but sometimes I want to be more feminine. Sometimes the only way to feel good about myself is to wear womens pants or a crop top or a dress or a pair of panties. There's nothing wrong with not fitting what people expect you to be and you deserve to be respected for that"

"We're a couple of disasters aren't we? I'm comfortable with my gender expression but my gender identity is a mess and you know your gender identity but your gender expression is in shambles"

"Sometimes all you need to do is flip flop between genders like a dying fish until you find what makes you happy. It's a little messy and gets on the nerves of everyone around you but it works"

"You really think it's ok for me to be non-binary but present as a man?"

"People can't go around making assumptions and assuming people's gender. Gender identity isn't gender expression. Correlation doesn't equal causation. Learnt that in GCSE statistics so who's stupid now Mr Williams? Look at me using information your bullshit math class to comfort my genderqueer mess of a friend"

During their conversation all the alcohol in Crowley's system started to catch up with him and he's feeling pretty drunk. He knows he's probably saying things that aren't the most helpful or encouraging but can't stop himself. It might be a load of garbage but it's from the heart and meant to cheer Az up which based on the giggling from the other couch, it seems like it succeeded at.

Az also seems pretty drunk at this point and is kicking his legs in the air like a toddler so Crowley gives up on dignity. With confidence that can be credited solely to the alcohol he reaches out and entwined his fingers with the blonds. All Az does is shift to get a better grip on Crowley's hand while still kicking his legs and shooting Crowley a grin.

"Mr Williams can go fuck himself, I bet you were the most beautiful and interesting person in that class"

"There was a guy called Jupiter in that class and he was the most gorgeous thing my 16 year old brain had ever encountered. I ended up sucking his dick during a football game because I hoped it would make him love me but instead he broke my heart. He was named after Zeus and just like the real Zeus he was a total asshat who couldn't keep his dick in his pants"

"Well he can go fuck himself too, I hope he's cleaning porta potties at a hippie musical festival while you're living your dream"

"Last I checked he's married and has 4 beautiful kids"

"Then I hope he's flossing their poop out of his teeth every night while his wife is out cheating on him"

Drunk Az has some very creative insults and Crowley is enjoying it immensely. He hasn't been angry at any of the boys who broke his heart during as a teenager in decades but bitching with Az is too much fun. There's something about telling the artist everything that's ever hurt him that has a way of living his spirits better than anything. Sometimes being able to forgive and forget is the best way to go but talking shit with the person you're crazy about is much more satisfying.

While clinging to the florists hand Az turns back to look at Crowley but forgets what he was going to say at the sight of him. Since he last looked Crowley's shed his vest, rolled up his sleeves and unbuttoned half of his shirt. The sight of so much skin on show would've sent Az off the deep end if he wasn't already drunk and out of his mind.

As if that wasn't enough for Az's weak gay heart to handle, Crowley's also taken off his sunglasses and Az can properly see his eyes for the first time. Like he said they're strange, yellow with a thin pupil almost like a snake, but more beautiful than anything Az expected.

After a long moment of Az admiring him Crowley coughs loudly and looks away "Don't look at me like that and I don't want to hear anything about it. I know you have opinions and I'm going to hear those opinions at some point but not now while I'm so drunk. Just take off some clothes and tell me another secret angel"

Lazily Az undoes his bowtie and starts to remove his own vest while he considers how much truth he's willing to share. Finally while he rolls up his sleeves he looks over at Crowley, seeing the florist watching every movement he makes. It's no secret to anyone that Crowley loves Az's tattoos so he'll definitely consider dressing more casual next time. The red head is a mess usually as it is so if Az shows up with all his tattoos on show it'll be quite delightful. Making Crowley blush is always fun so Az can't wait to play around more and find out what really gets him hot and bothered.

His drunk brain is loving the attention so after his sleeves are above his elbows Az teasingly undoes one of his shirt buttons "Have I told you I might be asexual?"

The sound Crowley lets out barely sounds human as he scrambles up from his reclined position "You haven't told me that, you've mentioned sex to me multiple times"

"I know, I've had a lot of sex in my life but I've never liked it much so I guess asexual is what I'd define myself as. As a teenager all I wanted was to rebel so that involved as much sex, drugs and alcohol as I could get my hands on even if I didn't enjoy it much. My sole purpose in life was to aggravate my family as much as possible so having too much gay sex made that very easy. Even after I got myself together every guy I was with wanted sex from me so I gave them what they needed. I've never been single long enough to figure out if I'm truly asexual so it's only a thought"

"You've never been single?"

"I have but not for more than a month or two. Some day I'll make you a timeline of every guy I've been with if you'd like, it might disgust you though"

"I'm ok with it, I'd like to know if you're willing to tell me things like that"

Crowley's being such an amazing guy so Az reaches back over to grip his hand and bring it to his mouth. The touch of his lips gets a full body shiver from Crowley who collapses back down on the couch, holding Az's hand tight.

Az waits for more of a reaction but when he doesn't get one he stutters out "So... So you're fine with this?"

"With you having a lot of boyfriends?"

"No, with me being ace but not quite ace"

"Your sexuality is none of my business so of course I'm fine with it, my sexualities a mess too so it's ok"

"I thought you were comfortably gay"

"I'm gay but also maybe demisexual or grey ace, I'm not sure. I've had sex with all my boyfriends and sometimes have hook ups but I'm never super into it. Sex is ok most of the time but usually I wish I could just spend the night cuddling someone I care about. Letting someone fuck me is usually the easiest way to get affection and feel like someone cares about me so I guess that's why I do it. I don't know if I should still call myself ace or anything similar but I do anyway because it's what I feel in my heart"

Az's eyes start to water as he watches his friend incredulously. He's met very few people who are ace in real life and definitely never someone he could see a relationship with. Not only does Crowley have the most amazing personality but his sexuality also fits perfectly with Az's. Every time they talk he finds another way to validate Az and make him feel completely safe and happy. Not only does he understand and respect Az's struggles with gender but he also happily admitted to being some form of asexual as well.

After years of feeling like he doesn't fit in anywhere Az can feel himself fitting perfectly with Crowley. Having the red head in his house fills a void Az never even knew existed and having Crowley in his life feels just right. If only Az hadn't been stupid enough to date someone Gabriel told him to then proceed to also be stupid enough to stay with him for 3 years. He's wasted so much time when the perfect man was waiting in a flower shop just down the street.

Az's drunk mind is already planning all the things he could do with Crowley in his life. There are so many places he wants to go and things he wants to do that he's never been able to do with Kane that would be perfect for Crowley.

Unconsciously Az starts to sit up, desperate to be closer to Crowley but stops dead when he sees the cross hanging on the wall. There are very few things in his house to remind him of Kane but that happens to be one of the unhappy few. It was a Christmas gift after their first year together, back when Az still hoped he could learn to love his boyfriend. Years down the line the love still hasn't arrived and every day it gets harder and harder to pretend to be happy.

Though his drunk brain screams at him to sit with Crowley, touch Crowley, kiss Crowley, Az forces himself to lie back down. He's done a lot over the years but cheating on someone he's in a long term monogamous relationship with is too much. It wasn't a big deal when every boyfriend he had barely lasted a month and was based solely on drugs and sex but this is different. Az isn't a teenage disaster sleeping around and dating any guy willing to buy him alcohol. Kissing Crowley might make him feel complete for the night but it would ruin every other aspect of his life.

While pushing back tears Az grips hard to Crowley's hand, forcing himself to enjoy the meagre comfort "I've never had a friend who's asexual before, thank you for telling me my darling"

"I'll tell you anything angel you know that, can I ask when the last time you had sex was? Is that going too far?"

"It's not too far but it was sometime earlier this week, I don't quite remember"

"This week? Does your boyfriend not know you're ace?"

"He doesn't believe it's real, after I told him he said sex was created by God which means we must fulfil Gods wish. It's not terrible and I enjoy making him happy but it's never been what I want"

"Shit Zira does he force you t-"

"No Crowley darling, everything's consensual but if I could choose I likely wouldn't choose that"

"Just because it's consensual doesn't mean it isn't violating. If sex isn't something you want you should never feel pressured into it, someone who truly loves you would never do that to you. Can I ask another question? Why are you even with this guy if you never have anything good to say about him? All I've heard you say is that you could never live with him and he seems to make you miserable"

It's something Anathema has been asking him for years and he's never come up with a good answer. She always springs the question on him when he's drunk and emotional which never gets her the answer she's looking for.

The truth is Az has been privately asking himself the same question and in the quiet of his own mind he admits there's no reason. Any sane person would have left the relationship a long time ago but Az has never had the strength to do so.

For once Az feels confident with his hand entwined with Crowley's so he takes a deep breath and admits the truth "There's no reason for me to stay with him except that it's easy and convenient. It's the only way my family will accept me dating a man so I can keep my relationship with them but still be true to myself. If I left him I'd have no one to love me and no family to support me. I'm only dating Kane because it's the best option out of a world full of terrible options"

"Oh um..." Crowley stutters, fully expecting to hear Az wax on about the love of his life, not to agree with Crowley. With a mind whirring he manages to get out "You're only dating him for your family and because you're scared to be alone"

"I suppose when you put it like that it's slightly preposterous but yes dear I am"

"You're too old and sensible for that angel, you could find someone who fits you better and makes you happy. You make everyone around you so happy so you deserve someone who loves you for you"

"By everyone around me you mean you and Anathema because you two are all I have. If I leave Kane my family will abandon me and you two will be the only people in the world who care about my existence. I'll have no family to go home to for holidays or to celebrate my birthday with or to check up on how I'm doing. I'll have no boyfriend to hold me when I'm sad or reassure me when my anxiety is taking over or go on dates to my favourite places with. All I'll have is a girl I work with who is much too young and cool for me and a man so far out of my league he never should have looked twice at me. My family aren't great but it's a very lonely world and they're all I have, I can't lose that"

"You can make your own family Az, you don't have to be alone. You're the most lovely and interesting person I've ever met so you could make friends with almost anyone. You've spent so long shutting yourself away out of fear that you barely know what it's like to have friends and I understand that, I do. Your toxic family have spent so long breaking you apart that you don't even leave you're entitled to happiness anymore. I would never dream of telling you what to do but I truly believe if you cut ties with them you'll find yourself in a brighter world than you ever knew existed. You'll find new friends who genuinely care about you and find a boyfriend who can give you the healthy loving relationship you deserve"

"You really believe that? You think I'll find anyone else who'd put up with a strange old gay man who barely knows who he is?"

"I think people will be lining up at your door begging for the chance to be your friend and I know for certain I'll be first in line"

It's just enough to make Az smile through his tears as he reaches up to frantically wipe at his cheeks. He's always been an emotional drunk and being with someone he trusts makes those emotions stronger than ever. It's easy to pretend to be happy in a crowd of drunk people only looking for a good time but alone with the person who probably knows him best, it's impossible.

After trying to compose himself Az lets out a shaky sigh before turning his head towards his best friend and immediately loosing his breath again. The sheer force of adoration in Crowley's eyes would have knocked Az clean off his feet if he hadn't already been lying down. He's never been looked at like he hung the stars so it's disorientating to be hit with it with no warning. It's likely what Crowley was trying to hide with his sunglasses but only makes Az more determined to get them off any chance he gets. At work or in public he respects Crowley keeping them on but when alone Az will make sure to dim the lights and coax the glasses off his friend. They're such beautiful expressive eyes and make it so much easier to see how genuine and caring the red head is.

After a long time looking into each other's eyes Az forces himself to look away and gets shakily to his feet. Lying down for so long has made his head spin so he takes a few steps away before noticing the stack of books on one of his bookshelves. After Crowley told him he didn't read much Az had collected all his personal favourites to give the florist. Some of them might be too intense or too old fashioned but he hopes at least one will interest Crowley.

Despite stumbling Az makes his way over to the bookshelf and runs his fingers over the cover of the top book. Their conversations have gotten so deep that he's desperate to get onto a lighter topic. There's only so many tears his body can handle and he's quickly reaching that limit. "I meant to tell you earlier but I picked out some books for you, I hope you like them. Remind me when we're sober to help you take them out to the Bentley. Unfortunately there's rather a lot because I'm not the best at restraint as you may have realised"

Crowley's intrigued by what Az might have picked so hauls himself up from his comfortable lounging position. He's slightly unsteady on his feet and narrowly misses stepping on their abandoned half filled glasses but manages to follow Az to a bookcase. The worlds starting to spin slightly so he drapes his arms over the blonds shoulders, clinging on to stop himself ending up on the floor.

To his credit Az doesn't react, simply holding up a book despite knowing Crowley can't see well enough to read the title "You have to read Jane Austen, I refuse to let you live your life without knowing the joys of a Pride and Prejudice. It might be too hard since you're not a big reader so if you can't handle it, watch the tv series instead. If you do watch it I want you to know Colin Firth is a gorgeous hunk of man and was the first man I wanked to as a teenager"

Crowley's arms tighten as he feels his dick spring to attention in his pants. Despite knowing Az is barely ever interested in sex, hearing the artist talk about it is insanely arousing.

After hearing Az's dilemma with his current boyfriend Crowley vows never to do the same but can't control his fantasies. Getting intimate with Az in anyway would be the greatest pleasure but it has to stay nothing more than a dirty dream. Crowley's dealt with enough people not believing he doesn't want sex and refuses to do the same to someone he deeply cares for.

If Az ever finds the confidence to break up with his boyfriend he should never end up in the same situation again. If Crowley had the audacity to tell Az he deserved respect then turned around and demanded sex the first chance he got he'd never forgive himself.

Crowley has tuned out Az rambling about the books he loves so quickly focuses back on the blond, glad to see he only missed a couple of books. Even sober Crowley's never been the smartest or most well read so while drunk off his arse on bourbon he's no better. Most of the books Az talks about he's never heard of before and can barely understand the plots of but delights in listening all the same. He might be to dumb to fully compared what he's being told but any idiot could appreciate how beautiful Az gets when he's excited.

Finally Az runs out of books and starts pointing out ones on the shelves he'd love Crowley to read in the future. He's well aware Crowley likely doesn't care but rarely gets a chance to show off his books in this way. No one in his life has the same passion for literature he does so finding someone to listen, even if they don't understand, has never been easy.

The feeling of Crowley draped over his back feels so natural and Az feels himself relaxing again. Their latest conversations were far from soothing but simply being touched and comforted feels like Heaven.

While Az replaces a book in its proper position a thought hits him hard and he almost buckles under Crowley's weight. Earlier Crowley admitted he sometimes wears panties but Az was too caught up in his own gender struggle to process it. With feigned casualness he puts a hand over Crowley's on his waist and asks "Crowley darling can you tell me one thing? When we met the second time and I checked to make sure the tattoo I drew on you was gone were you wearing panties?"

Crowley lets out a loud abrupt laugh and presses his nose to the crease of Az's shoulder "I was probably not wearing any underwear at all, just like right now. I don't often wear the panties out of the house but I will if it would make you happy"

"I don't know if that's better or not, why do you do these things to me?"

"Because you're so fun to play with angel, don't get huffy with me"

Having Crowley pressed against his back is just a little too tempting so Az spins around and pulls the red head into a hug. With his arms around the florists waist he can press his cheek to Crowley's warm chest and hold him close.

Crowley makes a little growling sound as he tightens his arms around Az's shoulders and presses into him "Since I told you about my underwear can I ask where your cute little angel wing tattoo is? It's been driving me crazy thinking about where you might be hiding it"

Az rubs his head against Crowley's chest like a kitten before reaching up to grab the red heads hands. He slowly lets them trail down his body until they reach his hips then presses both hands to his ass. For a second Crowley panics before the alcohol takes over and all he can do is squeeze the perfect arse in front of him.

Unconsciously Az's hips stutter against his friends as he gasps out "There, you're touching them"

"Holy shit" Crowley moans as he squeeze Az's plump arse again, slowly kneading the skin "That is so much hotter than anything I expected, I love 15 year old Aziraphale so much"

With a whimper at his real name Az moves his hands back to Crowley's waist to keep himself standing "My boyfriend was a tattoo artist and we both thought it would be hot for me to have a tattoo of my families crest on my ass. I have a wing on each side and he used to put his hands on them while he fucked me, it was the sexiest thing ever for my teenage boyfriends. These days Kane hates it, he'll only have sex with me on my back because he can't stand to see the tattoo"

"If it was me I wouldn't care, you're perfect no matter how many questionable tattoos you have. Is it shit if you were both so young when you got it?"

"He was 24 so he was actually decent, it's not amazing but I've got worse"

Hearing Az dated someone so much older isn't a total surprise but is mildly concerning. The more Crowley finds out about the artists life the more impressed he is that Az turned out so well. Most kids who got into alcohol and drugs super young and dated guys much too old for them wouldn't end up in such a good position. It makes how much of a lovely polite person Az is something even rarer than Crowley thought before. Undoubtedly if they'd met each other in their worst moments they'd have been fast friends but decades later they've also become best friends. If Crowley believed in fate at all he'd almost say they were soulmates but that's never been something he's put stock in.

They're both drunk and turned on so together they stumble back to the couches, giggling about nothing in particular. Crowley's fingers brush over Az's arse one last time before he throws himself down on his couch again.

While Az retreats to his own spot Crowley curls up into the fetal position and cuddles a pillow to his chest. The worlds spinning so much that all he can do is close his eyes and wait for his vision to go back to normal.

As Crowley slips into sleep the last thing he hears is Az whisper "Oh Crowley my love, I wish you were my boyfriend"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always liked the idea of Aziraphale and Crowley both being asexual so I really wanted to include that here. My best friends also asexual and she's told me she's struggled a lot coming to terms with that because she doesn't fit into every ace stereotype so I thought that would be nice to apply here. 
> 
> Crowley and Az are both ace but still have sex for different reasons (Az because he's a people pleaser and wants to make his boyfriends happy, Crowley because he feels like its the only way to get affection and intimacy) which doesn't make them any less valid as being asexual even if its not what people typically think of when talking about asexuality.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been struggling with this chapter for weeks now so hopefully it ended up ok after about a million rewrites

When Az opens his eyes for the first time his head feels like it's been split in two so he quickly closes them again. A long groan falls from his mouth as he tries to block out the painful glare of the sun.

Eventually he musters up the strength to open his eyes a second time and is greeted with a shock of red hair. Seeing Crowley curled up on the couch across from him softly snoring is a shock but makes Az's hangover feel a little better.

After watching the florists chest rise and fall a few times Az drags himself to his feet and potters into the kitchen. Two cups of water and an aspirin later he's feeling much more human and ready to face the day. It's only 8am but his usual morning starts at 5 so today's already been a lazy day.

Trying not to wake Crowley, Az quietly puts on the kettle to boil some water for tea. No matter when he wakes up or what else is going on, a good cup of English Breakfast always makes the day better.

Once the teas ready Az moves towards the doorway of his kitchen where he can see Crowley sleeping. It's borderline creepy to watch his friend asleep but he can't overcome his protective urges. Seeing his best friend looking so innocent and vulnerable on his couch makes it impossible for him to not want to care for Crowley. If Az didn't have self control he'd already be on his knees by the florist stroking his hair and making sure he feels alright when he wakes up.

Az knows there was a lot of things said last night and a lot of them shouldn't have seen the light of day. His memories still fuzzy but he knows he spilled at least one secret that he didn't intend to and God knows what else. He can't quite find it in himself to regret everything that happened but does wish he'd been slightly more restrained with his drinking.

After so many drunken nights talking nonsense with Anathema he should now his limits by now. Az should have learnt how much he can safely drink before he becomes an emotional mess and spills every dark part of his soul.

So far Az remembers all of their date and the start of drinking together but the drunker they got the more blurry the memories are. He knows they'd spent most of the night lying side by side on the couches talking but can't for the life of him remember what was said. At the start Crowley told him a secret about drugs so Az told him one back but most things after that haven't returned to him yet. Undoubtedly he told Crowley his own private things so all he can hope is that they weren't too humiliating. He started the game of sharing secrets so he can't blame anyone but himself for anything he might have done.

With a sigh Az turns back to the kitchen to get another cup of tea to stop himself standing in place all morning.

The fact him and Crowley woke up on separate couches mostly clothed is a very good sign that nothing happened between them. If they'd ended up in Az's bed the artist would have been terrified of what they might have done but luckily his drunk self wasn't that stupid. It seems like they managed to keep things mostly platonic which is all Az could have hoped for. He doesn't expect much from himself while drunk but hopes at the bare minimum he can refrain from ruining one of his only friendships.

Az is so focused on making his tea and trying to block out his thoughts that he doesn't hear movement behind him. When arms wrap around his waist he yelps and flinches away before remembering it's only Crowley. Waking with someone else in his house in rare enough that it shocks him even when he knows they're there.

Slowly Az lets his body uncoil and puts a soothing hand over Crowley's arm to stop him moving away "Good morning my dear, would you like water or painkillers?"

"Just water, 'm not a fan of pills anymore"

Crowley doesn't seem like he intends to let go so together they awkwardly shuffle to the sink like a clumsy four legged monster. Once Crowley's got a glass of water in him he feels better and can press his nose to the curly blond hair in front of him. "Morning angel, you feeling ok?"

"I feel wonderful sweetheart, any morning I wake up after successfully drinking a pretty boy into unconsciousness is a good morning"

Az winces slightly at how badly that came out but Crowley laughs loudly and shakes his head "Don't be like that, no one likes a smug bastard"

"Considering you like me quite a lot I think that statement is false"

Their flirty banter seems to have appeared out of nowhere at full force but Az can't bring himself to stop. Crowley's always been fun to tease so he can't give up an opportunity like this.

The two exchange quips until the kettle boils and Az peels himself away from the florist. He takes an eager sip of his Earl Grey and hums in happiness before tipping his mug towards Crowley. The red head cautiously leans in but makes a sound of disgust when he smells it "You've gotta be kidding me angel, I didn't take you for the kind of prick to drink boiled grass"

"Now now, no need to be grumpy because you have a little headache. It would be wrong to call myself English without enjoying a good cup of tea in the morning"

"I've called myself English my whole life while detesting that shit"

"Well dearest, I suppose for our next date I will have to take you to a tea shop to find one you do enjoy"

Despite grumbling Crowley's feeling too happy about the prospect of another date to complain. It might involve drinking a lot of gross tea but Az's delightful company will make it worthwhile.

Az takes another sip of tea and peers over the rim of his mug at the florist. After a short staring contest Az gives in and rolls his eyes "I have instant coffee and hot chocolate powder in the pantry, make yourself one of those if you prefer"

A smile spreads across Crowley's face at his victory as he shuffles to the cupboard. A couple of minutes later he's siping a hot cup of coffee and looking much too proud of himself.

Gently Az reaches over to touch his arm "Don't look at me like that dear boy"

"Don't look at me like what"

"Like an entitled PTA mother who just bullied a McDonald's worker into giving her free fries"

Crowley snorts loudly and knocks his shoulder against the artists "You're amazing Zira"

They chat lightly while finishing their drinks then Az tries to figure out how he should be acting. He's still unsure about what might have happened last night but doesn't want to openly ask about it in case something bad or embarrassing comes up.

Instead the blond fixes his eyes on the florists mass of red hair and frowns. If he was still drunk he'd love to run his hands though it but instead has to force himself to take a step back.

"Crowley dear would you like a toothbrush and a change of clothes? I doubt anything I have would fit you but I'm sure I could find something tolerable"

A range of emotions flashes across Crowley's face as he imagines getting to spend the day in Az's clothes. They'll probably smell like the artist and it'll take every inch of self control he's built up over the years to not sniff it every 5 seconds. Wearing them would be like a constant hug from his new favourite person which would give the red head endless comfort.

When he sees the smile on his friends face Az laughs and curls his fingers around the taller man's wrist to walk him to Az's bedroom.

Unsurprisingly, it's also full of books and ugly tartan blankets which give it the most lovely homely feel. It's never been Crowley's aesthetic or something he's imagined himself wanting but feels like home all the same. It might be the opposite of what he associates with himself but it's exactly what he associates with Az which is what really matters.

After setting the florist up with a toothbrush and toothpaste in the bathroom, Az potters off muttering to himself while looking for clothes that might work on Crowley. They have very different heights and body shapes which would make most things impossible. Crowley's mile long legs would make any pair of pants much too short and Az's generous gut would make any shirts much too large on the florist.

Crowley races through brushing his teeth before heading back into Az's room. The blond hasn't found anything he deems suitable yet so he keeps searching, providing ample opportunity for Crowley to admire the artist arse. 

Finally, Az finds a shirt that might work and happily spins around to waves it towards Crowley with a grin "I still have a sweater from a couple of years ago when I was smaller, I think it might fit you"

"Thank you angel"

"I'd offer you pants as well but I highly doubt anything of mine would work"

"You do have adorable turtle legs"

"Oh shush, no need to bully me, I'm only a few centimetres shorter than you"

Az throws the sweater in his friends direction while trying to keep glaring even while a smile spreads across his face. Lazily Crowley peels his own shirt off before picking up Az's sweater while the artist stares frozen.

As expected Crowley's chest is as lean as the rest of him but subtle muscles suggest he might not be all skin and bone. To distract himself Az focuses on the red heads snake tattoo, appreciating the way it hugs his bicep and flatters the few muscles he does have.

Looking very smug Crowley prowls towards his friend, still making no move to put on the sweater in his hand.

"Like what you see angel?"

"I..."

Az trails off and steps back, looking very nervous "Please put a shirt on Crowley, I can't do this"

With a huff Crowley obeys then scuffs his toe against the carpet "Why's everything so awkward this morning Zira?"

He looks so disappointed that Az feels bad for upsetting him even if he hasn't done anything wrong. Their friendship is still quite new so any fights feel like it could split them apart forever. Him and Anathema have had enough spats over the years for them to both know a little disagreement could never end their friendship. With Crowley, Az is never fully sure if he'll end up saying something that crosses a line and ends what they're building between them.

After seeing the way Crowley's sinking into himself Az moves closer and puts a hand on his friend shoulder "Don't be like that my dear, we're both hungover and tired so having a little tiff is inevitable"

"I don't want to be having a little tiff with you angel, last night was so nice and I don't want to ruin that"

"Nothing is ruined Crowley, no need for such dramatics. We don't need to be telling each other secrets and talking about deep things to enjoy our time, teasing each other about our hot beverage choices is just as nice. If you have more you'd like to talk to me about I'm always happy to listen but I'm also happy to eat breakfast with you and relax"

Crowley fixes Az with a stare before ducking his head "I make a really good omelette"

"Now there's an offer I'd never refuse, feel free to start while I change"

"If you cover all your tattoos I will cry, just thought I'd warn you"

With a cheeky grin the florist ducks out of the room and heads to Az's kitchen. It's obvious the blond doesn't cook much but Crowley manages to find eggs and a selection of vegetables hidden in the bottom of the fridge.

By the time Az reappears in a baggy white shirt with his tattoo parlours name on the front Crowley's got his omelette cooking. He's rewarded with a gentle squeeze on the arm as the blond makes another cup of tea and sips it while watching Crowley cook.

Finally the omelettes done cooking so Crowley flips it out onto a plate and hands it to the artist "Tell me how it is while I make one for myself"

"It's rather rude to eat when you haven't got food yet darling"

"No need for that here angel, I wouldn't dream of depriving you of a good meal"

Gently Az places his plate down on his small dining table then comes over to pat Crowley's cheek "Thank you my sweet boy, I'm sure it'll be delightful, I do so appreciate you doing this for me"

As Crowley pours more of the omelette mix into the pan he watches is friend out of the corner of his eye. Dinner with Az last night was delightful so another opportunity to watch the blond eat is much appreciated.

After shooting a fond look at the red head Az takes a bite of his omelette and lets out a happy moan. He swallows his mouthful before flashing Crowley a grin "Absolutely delicious my dear, you're just as good a cook as expected"

Crowley turns back to the stove to hide his smile and keeps flicking glances over at Az to make sure he's still enjoying his breakfast. As a kid no one in his family cared enough to cook so it ended up being Crowley's job if he wanted a decent meal. To avoid having bland takeaway fish and chips for the fifth night in a row he had to learn to make better things. It took a lot of burnt meals before he finally figured out what he was doing and never stopped after that. Especially now that he's living alone again, being able to make delicious food to cheer himself up is a blessing.

When Crowley finally finishes his omelette and sits down with Az, the blond is almost finished. He pauses his eating long enough to fondly watch the florist take his first bite then returns to his own. They eat silently until Az has finished his last mouthful and returns to nursing his cup of tea "As I thought my dear boy, that was quite scrumptious"

"Glad you enjoyed it angel. Would you want me to make you dinner some time? I do a lot of cooking so I'd like to get to show off my talents for something better than breakfast"

"I'd love that Crowley, if you'd like to invite me to your flat for dinner one evening I'd happily accept"

"Oh um... My flat isn't very nice, I was thinking we could come here instead"

Az keeps staring at Crowley over the rim of his mug until the red head can't handle his piercing blue eyes. Having Crowley in his home cooking another delicious meal for him would be delightful but getting to see his own home would also be lovely. The fact the florist is refusing to let him come over means there's likely a problem there.

Gently Az slips his hand across the table to cover Crowley's "Is there a reason you don't want me in your home Crowley? I'm fine with having our dinner dates here but I'd like to know if you have an insecurity around where you live"

"It's not... Ngk it's not really an insecurity. I haven't been living there long and it's not very nice so I'd rather be somewhere you'll be comfortable"

"I doubt you could make me uncomfortable with your flat but I respect that. One day I hope you find somewhere you can make your own and will feel at home enough to invite me over"

To avoid saying anything stupid Crowley shoves his last bite of omelette into his mouth, making Az laugh softly. The blond opens his mouth to make a comment when they're both startled by the sound of a phone ringing.

Az jumps out of his chair and grabs his phone off the floor from where he left it last night while they were drinking. He checks the caller ID and makes a face before declining the call and putting his phone on silent.

Curiously Crowley watches him as the artist paces around the room, nervously looking down at his phone every couple of seconds.

After shoving the last bite of omelette in his mouth Crowley goes to join his friend and takes the phone off him "You ok Az? Someone harassing you?"

"Just my boyfriend and brother, it's not a big deal"

"Did something happen with them?"

"Nothing new. They know about me and Anathema sometimes go out drinking so they always call me during the weekend to make sure I'm sober. Neither of them approve of alcohol so if they ever think I've done something I'm not supposed to I get in trouble"

Admitting that two people who should be the closest to him regularly check up to make sure he's being good makes Az feel like a naughty school boy. He accepted long ago that he'd never be able to freely live his life with the two of them around but it hits harder at times like these.

Crowley looks thoroughly confused as he looks at Az before looking down at the phone, undoubtedly blowing up with messages, then looks at Az again.

"Your boyfriend and brother team up on you to prevent you drinking with your friends? And you just let it happen?"

"I've told them a million times to stop acting like overbearing parents but it's never worked. I did many things I'm not proud of in my youth so it's my fault they act like this now. If I hadn't landed myself with an addiction and a mile long string of bad decisions they wouldn't consider me untrustworthy"

"But that phase of your life was before you met Kane, wasn't it? How does he have the right to mistrust you because of something that never involved him?"

"Things are very complicated Crowley and I suppose I deserve their suspicion anyway. If I was a good boyfriend I'd call Kane and tell him everything that happened last night but instead I'm lying to him"

Without missing a beat Crowley fires back "If he was a good boyfriend he wouldn't expect you to spread your legs against your will to earn his love"

"Crowley how dare you!" Az spits out even as his mind scrambles to think of what he might have said to his friend. He's sure he never said something so crude but it would be a lie to say it doesn't contain grains of truth.

"You know I'm right Zira, I just want you to be happy"

"You want me to be happy, Anathema wants me to be happy, my family wants me to be happy but no one will just leave me alone and let me try to find that happiness. Everyone has an opinion on my life and is so eager to tell me what I'm doing wrong at every point. I'm reaching the bad side of middle aged but still have never fully got my life together so having everyone make decisions for me isn't helping. I've been trying to get the guts to break up with Kane for years and I'll get there eventually but give me time. I'd like to think I'm too old to cave to peer pressure but I'm not and its slowly killing me trying to make everyone happy"

Crowley gapes at the blond in shock but all Az can do is duck his head and clutch his phone tighter to his chest "I care for you deeply Crowley but I think I need you to take a step back for now while I work a few things out. I'd love to have you over to cook for me next Friday if you're willing but I need some space. I have enough people trying to control me and order me around so I need you to be here to support me and give me a place to feel accepted. That might be too big of an ask but you're the only person I can request that of, I'm sorry if it's too much"

Without another word Az scuttles out of the room, leaving Crowley alone in the middle of the artists lounge, feeling utterly confused. He knew he might have been slightly overstepping the boundaries of their new friendship with some of his comments but didn't mean for them to cause pain. As too many people have found out over the years, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

It takes another 10 minutes for Az to return so while he waits Crowley paces around the room, too agitated to sit still. Despite trying to approach things in a good way all he's done is upset the one person he wants to make happy.

When Az comes back into the room, fully dressed in one of his tartan jumpers and dress pants, he sighs at the sight of his friend. Crowley's got too much nervous energy to be contained and having a fight has only made that worse.

Carefully Az walks over to him and puts his hands on the florists shoulders, leading him over to a couch. He presses Crowley down into the pillows and holds him in place, watching the red head twitch from pent up nerves.

Once the movement has slowed Az sits next to his friend, still holding his shoulders to stop anymore pacing "You need to calm down Crowley, I can't have a good conversation with you when you're like this"

"I'm sorry, I can't-"

Az cuts him off by firmly saying "You can Crowley, close your eyes and breathe with me. I don't want to hear another word out of you until you're calm enough for us to talk this through"

A firm hand guides Crowley's head to the blonds shoulder as they take long, slow breaths together. It takes a few minutes for the red head to fully relax but once he's gone loose under Az's hands, artist starts gently carding his hands through Crowley's gorgeous red hair. It gets a soft whine out of Crowley as he presses up into the touch, silently begging his friend not to stop.

Once they've both indulged in the sensations enough, Az guides Crowley's head up off his shoulder and cups his face "Crowley my darling, did you understand everything I said before? I'm happy to go over anything that might have upset you or that you're confused about"

"I understood, you're overwhelmed and need time alone to get your thoughts in order without people trying to do it for you. I respect that and I apologise for ever making you feel like I'm trying to tell you what to do. That was never my intention and if I'm coming across as bossy and overbearing I'll try to work on that"

"Thank you dear boy, I appreciate your opinions and having discussions with you is a delight but perhaps not when it involves my personal life. I understand that you had the best of intentions but it's not quite what I need right now"

Az pulls Crowley into a tight hug before pulling back and giving him a firm look "Do you work today?"

"I start at noon on Saturdays but since my flats above the shop I usually go down to spend time with Adam while he works anyway"

"Lovely, I have a client at 11 this morning so if you'd be willing to give me a ride I'd greatly appreciate it"

"Of course, I'll give you a ride whenever you need, I'm much more enjoyable than the bus"

After they've both had another hot drink to calm the stresses of the morning, Az takes Crowley back over to bookcases. The books he'd picked out for the florist were still there so he walked Crowley through them again, much more understandably than when drunk.

It's been a while since Crowley properly devoted himself to reading anything that wasn't about plants but he's willing to give it a try. He's been willing to listen to trashy pop because Adam loves it so there's no reason not to read classic literature for Az. The blond is so passionate about books that it almost feels like half their friendship is missing because of Crowley's lack of knowledge. Even if he hates every book it could still lead to some very interesting conversations afterwards.

Once he's explained the books to Crowley, Az looks up at his friends pensive face and softens a little "I know reading might be hard for you dear but I would like you to try for me. If it's too much I wouldn't judge you for reading an e-book or listening to an audio book. I'd like if you read the same pages I did, and paper books are by far the superior form of media but I know things aren't always that easy"

"I'll really try but I'm a slow reader so it might take me a long time to get through a single book. Audio books are a lot easier because I can listen to them while I work and make a lot more progress"

"That's ok, the important part is the story and the discussions we can have about it so an audio books works just as well. With that said, I do need to inform you that if you watch a tv adaptation instead of the actual book I will be forced to never talk to you again"

Crowley is happy to argue back against that point so the two of them spend the next half hour arguing about Hollywood adaptations of novels. Despite Crowley not having an opinion about it nearly as strongly as Az does, he's always happy for a friendly debate. 

After being in a relationship where a difference of opinion would cause a lot of cruelty and fighting, it's reassuring for Crowley to know he hasn't ended up in that situation again. If anything, Az likes to seek out topics where they might disagree because learning about how the other person thinks fascinates him. He's never called Crowley rude names or hurt him for not giving in to Az's point of view which makes Crowley like him so much more. The artist is so open and willing to listen to what other people have to say to expand his own mind that he's always a delight to be around. No matter what it is they're discussing Crowley always feels like he's understood and accepted for whatever it is that he's saying.

Because of Az's strong views on the way Hollywood ruins amazing books by putting them on the big screen, he completely loses track of the time. If it wasn't for Crowley checking the clock he would have completely missed his morning appointment in favour of continuing their debate.

As they drive the banter continues, moving on from terrible movie adaptations to movies Az actually does enjoy. While trying very hard not to speed, Crowley manages to worm out of him that the artist has a love for horror and mystery. Though he admits he usually screams at every jump scare he enjoys trying to figure out the ending of movies enough to make up for it. Anything that involves the watcher playing detective and trying to work out the clues before the main character can gives him extreme joy.

Crowley files that information away for future Friday nights while he accidentally let's slip that he loves romance movies. Az already knows the florist loves action and that pointless fight scenes are often his favourite part of a movie. Crowley watching every Marvel movie wasn't a surprise but somehow hearing that his dirty secret is watching chick flicks suits the red head even better. He tries to act tough and put on a cool facade but Az has seen enough of him to know that he's made of marshmallows at heart.

By the time Crowley pulls up outside Az's tattoo shop he's already been teased half to death and his face is flaming. The blond watches him fumble with the keys to turn the engine off then leans over to take Crowley's hand "It's been lovely spending time with you"

"Ngk, you too Zira, I'm already looking forward to next weekend"

"We'll do the same as this week then, maybe you'll manage to be on time"

Crowley sticks his tongue out at his friend and laughs softly. He gets a searching look from Az before the blond raises their joint hands to his lips to place a chaste kiss to Crowley's knuckles. In embarrassment the florist pulls his hair across his face with his free hand and groans. Az's old fashioned habits can be so overwhelming and Crowley can never figure out how to react to them.

Now that he's flustered the red head, Az slides out of the car smiling to himself. His attempt at giving Crowley orders when he was panicking earlier went well and so has his teasing. Getting used to the boundaries between them and learning what his friend needs is getting easier with time. Az might never get to be Crowley's dom or allow their relationship to go past platonic but what they're building is wonderful.

When the artist turns around to say goodbye he sees Crowley staring at his arse and feels a flush of pride. He's had a love hate relationship with his body for most of his life but has always been fond of his arse. There's never been any complaints about it from his boyfriends either, apart from about the unfortunate tattoo, which strokes his ego.

Teasingly Az turns around and leans over to meet the florists eyes again "My eyes are up here darling, be good for me"

Crowley's mouth drops open and he stutters "I... You... You're terrible angel, absolutely abysmal. You can't have an arse like that and tell me there's a tattoo on it then expect me not to look"

"It's called being a gentleman my dear boy, you might want to try it. By that I mean you should try to be slightly more subtle when appreciating my assets, I would never want you to stop altogether. Text me when you get to your flat and have a good day at work"

While chuckling Crowley calls after the blond "I'm only a minute down the street, you don't need to worry about me getting home safe" but still feels touched by the gesture.

His minds still on his friend as he drives to the flower shop, greets Adam and heads upstairs with his new stack of books. One they're been carefully placed on the dining room table, he heads to his room to change to change. 

Very gently Crowley peels off Az's sweater and buries his nose in the soft wool. It still smells faintly of the cinnamon incense the artist had been burning and makes him feel even calmer.

At the risk of feeling like a tween boy sniffing panties, Crowley hugs the sweater for a minute before hanging it in his wardrobe. Among his dark clothes Az's sweater somehow manages to look both out of place and like it completely belongs.

Once he's managed to stop staring at the sweater and has covered his eyes with a new pair of sunglasses, Crowley heads back downstairs. From the back he watches Adam sell a rose to a stressed looking business man then goes over to pester him. He jabs at the teenagers ribs to make him yelp then leans on the counter next to him "Hey millennial, break anything while I was gone?"

"Ok boomer"

"That's not even an answer to my question and I'm too gay to be a boomer"

"Your desire to give pretty blond tatto artists a neck full of love bites has nothing to do with what generation you're in"

"Love bites are for preteens like you and it most definitely does have everything to do with it"

Adam rolls his eyes but concedes the points in favour of moving on to a different topic. Him and his boyfriend Warlock had bet on whether Crowley would walk in to work that morning crying or smiling and Adam now owes £10 because of his bosses good mood. He'd also promised the rest of The Them all the juicy details of Crowley's date and doesn't want to be murdered for not delivering.

"How was the date then? Can't have been too bad if it turned into a sleepover"

"Was fucking fantastic, ended up getting shit faced and talking about our secrets half the night"

"Did you end up crying again this time or did you keep your emotions in check for the first time ever?"

"What part of drunk don't you get? I can't even remember what dirty details I told him much less whether my eyes stayed dry"

Curiously Adam watches his boss and wonders if things really went as well as he's saying they did. Crowley's never been the most smooth of people and it's unlikely everything went perfect, especially with alcohol involved.

While trying not to say anything that goes too far Adam keeps prodding "Did you learn more about this secret boyfriend of his? Anathema's so stingy with the details and you know I can't resist a mystery"

"Yeah he talked about him a bit" Crowley murmurs, avoiding eye contact as he follows up with "I think Az wants to break up with him but he said he's wanted that for years and here we are still. There's a voice in the back of my head saying this friendship is a bad idea but I can't help myself, he's the perfect person"

"It's not your fault you're developing feelings and you're both keeping your distance until the situations different. There's nothing wrong with crushing on a friend Crowley, I've done it enough to know it's not the end of the world"

"Sometimes I can barely keep my distance and I'm scared that one day I'll fail. My last relationship went to shit after he cheated on me so how can I do the same? After everything Justin put me through I can't become a homewrecker just because Az is pretty and makes me smile. I think I might be falling in love with him but I can never act on my feelings or I'll ruin everyone's lives"

Crowley lets out a long groan and rests his head on his young friends shoulder. Adam pats the top of his head and stays silent until his boss pulls back "Sorry Adam, it's hard to believe you're the teenager between the two of us sometimes"

"Shut up old man, you're in love and allowed to act like an idiot. I'm sure me and Warlock were just as bad before we got together so I can't judge"

That wins Adam a punch to the shoulder for calling Crowley an old man then he's dragged into another hug "What would I ever do without you little antichrist?"

"Pine over your crush in a room full of flowers which you always seem to end up doing anyway. Go make pretty bouquets in the back, I'll handle customers so you can deal with these horrible, scary emotions by yourself"

Crowley grumbles about being mocked and bullied by a teenager but shuffles off into the back like he's told. Adam isn't nearly as good at giving orders as Az is but he knows Crowley well enough to know what to do with him.

While listening to his employee sing along to Fall Out Boy in the front of the shop Crowley looks over his notes for the upcoming wedding they have on next weekend. It's on Saturday evening meaning he'll definitely need to treasure his Friday dinner with Az before the stress of the next day.

The florist is half way through making another bouquet before he has an idea and stops in his tracks. The theme of the wedding involves lots of golds and purples, meaning they have leftover flowers coming out their ears. Most of them would end up being donated or going home with Adam to give to his friends anyway so there's plenty for Crowley to play with.

Now that he has a plan he sets to work making something very special for Az that will hopefully make up for things Crowley said that hurt the artist.


	10. Chapter 10

Az comes out into the front of the shop after a consultation with a new client and is shocked by flowers covering the front desk. Anathema is also with a client so the front desk is empty apart from the foliage.

Slowly he walks closer and sees the flowers are contained to two vases with a card nestled in the middle. When Az sees Crowley's messy handwriting on the card he smiles fondly and picks it up.

They'd promised to take a small break from each other for the week while Az works out his issues but he couldn't say no to this. Crowley does extraordinary things to plants and Az would be crazy to reject such a beautiful gift from his friend.

He opens the card and sees a message from the florist.

_Hey Zira_

_I respect you need alone time but I wanted to give you something to apologise for upsetting you. We had leftover flowers from a wedding we're doing next weekend and I thought there's no one better to give them to._

_The arrangement on the left has white, purple and yellow flowers to represent the non-binary flag and the arrangement on the left has purple, white and grey flowers for the asexual flag. Both flags should have black in them but I couldn't find anything in stock to include so you'll have to forgive me for that._

_I want you to know I care about you and respect you. You said you aren't sure what you identify as but that these labels suit you the best so I'm showing my support. In time you may find something that suits you better and when that happens I promise to make you a new arrangement._

_I'm so sorry that the people in your life have insulted and disregarded your identity for so long and I promise I'll never do the same. You deserve the utmost love and respect so I hope you receive nothing but that for the rest of your life._

_Yours,_  
_Crowley_

With tears in his eyes Az fumbles his phone out of his pocket to send a text to Crowley.

** Az **  
**Thank you thank you thank you**

** Crowley **  
**ur welcome angel**  
**guess the gesture was good**

** Az **  
**Your texting is still quite horrific but I'm so happy I'll overlook it**

** Crowley **  
**ur always so good to me zira**

** Az **  
**Did I tell you last night that I'm non-binary?**

** Crowley **  
**kinda**  
**you said youd considered it but werent sure**  
**i respect it anyway tho**

** Az **  
**I suppose I need to be clearer then**  
**I don't identify as non-binary or use they/them pronouns but I do believe I'm not quite cisgender**  
**Labelling my gender has never felt right so I prefer to present masculine and allow people to see me as such while having what I see my gender as be a very personal and private thing**

** Crowley **  
**u want different flowers???**  
**ill make anything u want**

** Az **  
**No dear, what I already have is perfect**  
**There's no need for more until I find an identity that fits well enough to feel comfortable calling myself it**  
**The gesture is all that matters and you truly have made me feel a million times happier**

** Crowley **   
**thats all i want**  
**i should let u go now**  
**have a good day angel**

** Az **  
**You too my dearest boy**  
**Thank you so much for showing me that I matter <3**

Az cups his phone to his chest and looks over at the flowers in front of him. It's quite possibly the nicest gesture he's ever received and he doesn't know what to do with himself.

After their little disagreement Crowley was so nice about the whole situation and is still being perfect. Even after Az requested time alone the red head went out of his way to bring flowers and validate Az's feelings. Knowing at least one person in his life accepts him regardless of his gender and sexuality takes a lot of weight off his shoulders. If he asked he knows Anathema would likely feel the same but he's never quite got the guts to open up to her about it.

It takes a couple of trips but Az manages to get all the flowers into his private room to keep admiring them. Knowing Crowley put so much effort and thought into the arrangement makes it so much more meaningful. Any flowers given to him as a gift mean a lot but especially when so much care was put into making it special for him.

Az keeps admiring his flowers until he eventually takes out his phone, cringing when he sees 21 voicemails. Gabriel's never been good at being ignored and has a tendency to be overbearing in a way that no one could enjoy.

As a teenager Az broke multiple phones while high simply because he couldn't handle the continuous calls. The only way to escape was to either leave his phone at home or lose it during the night, both of which Az did frequently. It caused a fight when he got home again but was completely worth it for a night to not be micromanaged like a toddler.

These days while trying to cling to the threads of a relationship with Gabriel, Az has no choice but to answer his calls. Ignoring his brother only leads to more conflicts which he's trying to desperately avoid. Most of what comes out of his mouth is complete tosh but he barely ever stops long enough to require a proper response from Az.

After flicking through the voicemails to get the gist of Gabriel's annoyance, Az deletes them all then returns the call. Gabriel picks up on the second ring and immediately starts berating him.

When it becomes abundantly clear that he's not going to stop talking any time soon, Az pulls out a sketchpad. In person he has no choice but to sit in place and pretend to be interested in what Gabriel says but over the phone it's not needed. Instead he can draw to take his mind off the ranting and only half listen to what's being said. Art is an easy way to stop himself getting overwhelmed with emotion which happens too often when his family is involved.

After 20 minutes of getting berated Gabriel finally starts to slow down. He's insulted Az's past addictions, called him a useless human being and implied that no one could ever love him. Halfway through accusing Az of becoming an alcoholic and an addict, the artist tunes him out completely to look at Crowley's flowers again.

It's been a while since anyone could protect Az from Gabriel's cruelty. Even without the red head being physically present he's still comforting Az through his gift. He's given the artist more care than he ever thought he'd be worthy of and it's astounding to even think of.

Az knows if Crowley was here he'd force him to hang up the phone and give a bumbling, awkward speech about how wonderful he is. It would take a lot more for Az to give a speech about his own wonderfulness but he does try to gather strength from the thought.

It takes another couple of minutes for Gabriel to stop talking completely so Az can finally get a word in.

"I didn't check my phone for an hour, no need to act like I've committed a horrific act of terrorism"

"You're a drug addicted sinner, you need to be checked up on so you don't make more unforgivable mistakes"

As his face grows steadily more flushed Az mutters "God forgives me, God always forgives, haven't you read the bible?"

"I'm a preacher Aziraphale, of course I have read the bible. Must I remind you the bible states homosexuality is punishable with death but I still allow you to indulge in it. As your brother it's my job to keep you from damning yourself to Hell so don't act as though I'm the one making mistakes"

Hearing Gabriel say that the religion he preaches says being gay is punishable with death, Az shuts down completely. He's struggled a lot with religion over the years because of things like that. In the end he stopped going to church or calling himself Christian all together and let his relationship with God be very private. Being thrown right back into the hatred of religion without any warning hurts more than Az would like to admit.

There's a long silence as Az fumes, clutching his vase of flowers to his chest in anger. Finally he spits out "Fuck off Gabriel, stop calling me until you learn to not act like a wanker"

While his brother splutters the artist hangs up, smiling proudly to himself at finally standing up for himself. He's been letting Gabriel walk all over him for years and it was time for him to grow a backbone. If Gabriel's allowed to verbally abuse him every chance he gets Az at least deserves to tell him to shut up. He's starting to realise that a relationship with his family might be more painful than it's worth.

Az sits in place thinking about whether he's really going to do this while his phone rings through to voicemail a couple more time. Another Gabriel rant would be too overwhelming for today so Az dials a different number, pulling together every hint of courage he's ever felt.

"Hi Kane"

"Gabriel is very unhappy with you Aziraphale, have you relapsed again?"

"You know I haven't, I called Gabriel back a couple of minutes ago so you'll be hearing about it very soon"

There's a long sigh through the phone and Kane replies "You really need to stop antagonising your brother, I know you two have trouble seeing eye to eye but he's trying his best to take care of you"

Furiously Az gets to his feet and takes a page out of Crowley's book, pacing in circles around the room to try to work out his annoyance. In every single situation Kane takes Gabriel's side regardless of who's actually in the wrong. They might have been dating for years but nothing Az does can make him worth as much as Gabriel in Kane's eyes. Gabriel could go on a mass murder spree and still have Kane's unconditional support but if Az takes too long to reply to a text he's scolded.

Kane gently tries to convince Az to hang up and call his brother back but the blond is too stressed to listen. Over time it becomes abundantly clear he's not listening so Kane lapses into silence before asking "What's wrong Aziraphale? Is all this drama really because your brother cares enough to check up on you and make sure you stay sober?"

"Of course it's not, it's because neither of you care about what I want and make me feel inferior every chance you get"

"We don't try to make you inferior, we're all equal in the eyes of God but some people need to be reminded of the right path to be on"

"Gabriel just told me gay people deserve to be murdered"

There's a silence before Kane tuts and yet again, scolds Az "He's never said that and never will Aziraphale. As Christians it's our job to love everyone and loving a man won't make you any less worthy of that love. Gabriel does believe us being homosexuals is a sin but everyone commits minor sins so it isn't enough to send you to Hell. Your brother is a wise man and is able to love the sinner but hate the sin, just because you can't see that doesn't make it any less true"

Az has heard this flawed logic so many times over the years and is so sick of it. Even Kane who's also attracted to men and should be on his side thinks that what they feel is unnatural and wrong.

For someone who wants nothing more than to meet his soulmate, get married and live the rest of his life with the person he loves, Kane's words cut deep. From the start of their relationship Az knew his boyfriend would never marry him but always held onto hope. Maybe one day he'd see the error on his ways and admit that marriage wasn't only for a man and a woman but it's never happened. After a couple of years Az started to realise that even if Kane changed his mind, getting married to him would be the worst mistake of his life.

Even as Kane tries to convince him of Gabriel's good qualities, Az feels more and more alone. He's dating someone who will never like him more than they like his own brother so what's even the point? Spending the rest of his life being second best sounds like a death sentence, especially when Crowley's made it clear there are other options available.

Az waits for a gap in his boyfriend's speech to whisper "Are you even able to love me? What's the point of this relationship?"

"It's so that we can both fulfill our urges without leaving the light of God by getting involved with sinners"

"But you barely even like me, you're only with me because Gabriel said it would be a good idea"

"He cares about us both and knew we would be good together, getting set up by a mutual friend has always been common"

"That's not the point, we barely spend time together because we don't get along or agree about things and we don't enjoy each others company. The only time you want to be near me is when you're horny because you think self pleasuring is sinful. I deserve more than a boyfriend who can't stand me and only wants me to spread my legs"

After that Kane can only splutter out half sentences while Az picks a flower from one of Crowley's arrangements and hugs it to his chest, wishing his friend was really here. Nothing would make him feel better in that moment than a tight hug from his best friend so the flower is as good as he can get.

Finally Az cuts Kane off and growls "What are you trying to say? Do you have anything to say that will stop making me feel like we're both wasting our time here? We've both known from the start that this isn't a relationship based in love or mutual respect and we've gotten to the point where there's nothing good about it"

"Is that really how you feel? You think we should end this?"

"I've thought that for a while but I knew I'd lose my family because of it so I was scared shitless"

"The only reason you'd lose your family is if you were committing unforgivable sins that no good Christian would condone. Is that what you're trying to tell me? Are you back in your addiction? Have you been committing adultery?"

"You know I haven't done any of that so stop treating me like I'm the worst person you've ever met. I invited a friend over to my house last night so we could have drinks and talk. He made me feel understood and cared about so I realised that's what I want in a relationship, not whatever we have between us. You know I wouldn't cheat so if I ever want to develop something deeper with him I can't be with you which gave me the strength to finally tell you how I feel"

As soon as he says it Az knows that likely came out wrong but can't take his words back. It's true that he's having romantic feelings for Crowley and the things they've done together have been bordering on cheating. Az thinks emotional cheating is just as bad as physically cheating so before his feelings get even deeper he needs to break things off.

Even though their relationship has never been the best the artist doesn't want to hurt Kane too much. He might have been slightly cruel to Az but doesn't deserve to have his heart smashed to pieces. It's a little optimistic for Az to even think Kane cares enough to have his heart broken but he's still trying to be nice about it.

Sounding very annoyed Kane spits out "So I guess this new man of yours isn't a man of God and encourages you to fall further from His light"

"He's the most wonderful man I've ever met and encourages me to love myself and do what makes me happy. If you and my family wish to judge me for that I'll just have to accept it, because he was right when he told me I'm too old to be living like this"

"I'm not going to deal with this anymore Aziraphale. Take a break and let this man hurt you, we'll discuss this more at Christmas"

"You're coming to our family Christmas even if we've broken up?"

"I come every year because Gabriel invites me so providing he asks again, yes I will be coming. I look forward to seeing you in a couple of months to hear about you being heartbroken and needing to return to rehab"

With that Kane hangs up, leaving Az standing in the middle of the room, still clutching a flower to his chest and listening to the dial tone of his phone.

The break up went better than Az was expecting but he's still very hurt from some of the things that were said. Both of them said things that were more harsh than they intended because after almost 7 years together, there's a lot of emotions.

It might have made both of them miserable at some points but having a relatively stable long term relationship is very comforting. Knowing you have someone there for you when you need it makes life a little easier, even if you don't always want them around.

For most of his life Az has bounced from one relationship to the next without ever staying single for long. Any time he's ended a relationship it's usually been because he's got someone new lined up so he can jump straight into a new boyfriend without being alone for too long. He does have Crowley and knows if he asked, the florist would agree to date him but doesn't know if it's a good idea. All he's ever known is rebound relationships and was hoping for something more genuine with Crowley.

Being single deeply terrifies Az but he's been avoiding facing the fear for too long. So many people say that being single gives you time to find yourself and discover the world in a new way which he desperately needs. Defining himself based off the person he's dating has become exhausting and damaging but finding a new way to love himself is incredibly hard.

Az ponders his dilemma for a long time before realising he's still at work and has completely lost track of time. He was so caught up in his own personal dramas that he forgot he had appointments and obligations that needed to be dealt with.

On unsteady legs he stumbles out into the waiting area of the tattoo parlour and sees one of his regulars waiting. While he stutters out apologies the woman looks up at him and immediately strides over to pull him into a hug. Az lets himself be held until she pulls back and frowns at how scarily pale the blond looks "Az are you sick? I've told you before that you work too hard and shouldn't be at work if you're not feeling well"

"I'm find Kat, it's just been a very tiring couple of days"

"You're in no state to tattoo anyone, go home before you collapse in the middle of the job and end up with a lawsuit"

Weakly Az protests "Oh come on, it's not that serious, I just need a cup of tea and I'll be back to my normal self" but Kat ignores him completely.

"I'm not letting you get anywhere near me with a needle until you don't look like you're an inch away from passing out. I'll go tell Anathema to cancel all your clients for today and if I still see you here when I'm done there'll be trouble young man"

As she goes off to hassle Anathema, Az accepts that with those two women on his back he'll never get a moment of peace. He adores them both but sometimes regrets surrounding himself with such forceful personalities in times like this.

Before either of them see him hanging around Az slips out the door and pulls out his phone again. There's no more messages from Gabriel, presumably because he's currently talking to Kane, which is a relief.

Az doesn't remember any of the journey but manages to get down the street to Garden of Eden and walks inside. The smell of fertiliser brings him back to himself as the artist weaves through the rows of plants looking for his friend. Instead he stumbles upon Adam, on his knees surrounded by empty pots and seedlings.

When he sees the artist Adam flashes him a smile and wipes his dirty hands on his jeans "Hey Az, boss is around here somewhere if you want him"

All Az can do is nod and keep walking, only thinking about how badly he needs a hug from Crowley. Before he makes it very far a hand clutches his elbow and leads him through the shop. Adam tries to gently probe him for what's wrong but only receives a confused stare in response. Az feels like he's sleepwalking and can't concentrate on anything long enough to get a proper sentence out.

When they find Crowley tucked away in a corner rearranging potted plants Az immediately heads towards him. Before the red head can even look up, Az is falling to his knees in front of him and dropping his head onto Crowley's shoulder.

Crowley almost drops the plant he's holding but manages to hold it with one arm while putting the other around Az's shoulders. Adam scuttles off to give them some privacy leaving Crowley to focus on the blond in front of him.

As Az's body shudders the florist pulls him closer and chuckles softly "Can I let you go for a second so I can put this down? I wouldn't want to spill dirt all over you while trying to comfort you"

Slowly Az moves back and lets Crowley get to his feet to tuck the pot plant back where it came from then extend a hand to the tattoo artist. When Az delicately puts his hand in Crowley's he gets hauled to his feet and the red heads arm returns to around his shoulders. Together they walk to the backroom of the flower shop where Az is guided into a chair.

The concern is evident on Crowley's face as he pulls a chair up and sits close so their knees are just brushing. Az still hasn't said a word so Crowley gives him a chance to lead the conversation before doing it himself "Zira has something happened? Would you like to talk to me about it?"

With a grimace Az shrugs his shoulders and wrings his hands together in his lap. Again Crowley gives him time to say something but when he's only greeted with silence he decides to try a different approach. After promising to be back as quickly as possible the florist slips out of the room and runs upstairs to make a cup of tea. It seems to be Az's preferred method of cheering people up so it's only fair that Crowley returns the favour when Az is the one struggling.

Even the seconds it takes to microwave a cup of water feels like an eternity to Crowley while he wonders what's wrong with his best friend. Az seemed so happy when they texted only an hour ago and this is the exact opposite of what he'd expected to happen.

When the microwave beeps Crowley takes the cup out, slipping in a tea bag and silently apologising to Az for cheating with it. The blond is very passionate that the only proper way to make tea is with a kettle but there's simply not the time for it.

Crowley is careful not to spill any boiling water on himself while doing down the stairs and is disappointed to find Az exactly where he left him. The artist still looks completely zoned out from reality but takes the cup he's offered with a soft hum of thanks.

While he sips slowly at the hot tea, Crowley sinks back into the seat opposite him and tries to figure out what's happening. Nothing good can come from Az coming to his shop while they should both be working and being so upset he can't even speak. Crowley goes the same way while in subspace but Az has made it clear he's not a submissive and never mentioned anything like this happening often. It all leads Crowley to think something bad happened at work so all he hopes is that no one was too cruel to his angel or laid a hand on him.

Halfway through his cup of tea Az manages to stutter out "T-thank you" which shocks Crowley out of his thoughts. He shuffles closer to Az and puts a hand on each of his knees, rubbing them gently to try to comfort him.

"You feeling ok angel? You don't have to talk about it but I'd like to make sure you're safe"

"I... I'm fine"

"That's good angel, I'm so so proud of you, you're safe here with me"

Az finishes the rest of his tea in silence before setting the cup down and putting his hands over Crowley's. There's a slight tremble in them but the blond seems to be calming down and coming back to himself.

Anxiously Crowley watches his friend until Az huffs out a humourless laugh "I'm sorry, this isn't the way I wanted you to see me but I didn't have anywhere else to go"

"You're always welcome here, there's no shame in having a bad day"

"Do you want me to tell you what happened or would you rather I left?"

"If it would help you to talk about it I'm always happy to listen but its up to you. If going home is what you need, I'll give you a ride. If staying here and letting me distract you from your struggles is what you need, you're more than welcome to spend the day with me. Adam likes you too and wouldn't mind having you around so you don't need to feel like a burden"

Az's eyes flit over Crowley's face, searching for any hint that he's lying but not finding anything. His eyes are hidden away behind his glasses again, a real shame after seeing how beautiful they are, but his face is so expressive that it doesn't allow any doubt.

When he sees where Az is looking the red head flicks his glasses up onto the top of his head, squinting in the harsh lights but keeping eye contact. Gently Az reaches a hand up to caress Crowley's cheek and admire his eyes before looking away and letting him cover himself up again. Once Crowley's got his glasses back in place he gets to his feet and reaches a hand out to Az "So what will it be angel? A ride home or watching me work for the day"

A hand sliding into his and holding tight gives Crowley all the information he needs so he leads the artist out into the shop. Adam gives him a questioning look but Crowley shoos him off and keeps leading Az through the store, back to where he was before.

Without letting go of the blonds hand Crowley finds a relatively clean mat to lie on the floor then motions for Az to sit down. Once they're both cross legged on the floor Crowley picks up the plant he was interrupted from before and smiles "Ready to put those pretty hands through a day of manual labour? I'd hate to get you all dirty but I promise to pay for your manicure if you break a nail"

"I rather enjoy the thought of you getting me all dirty but I wouldn't say no to that offer. Maybe you could come with me and get a manicure too, it's very relaxing and we could make a nice day out of it"

"I'd be happy to have a little spa day with you, sounds like a pretty good way to spend a day"

Az gives him a besotted smile before turning back to the plants in front of them. Crowley carefully explains how to repot the plants that have grown too big for their pots then they both get to work. It takes a couple of plants before Az gets the hang of it but before long they're working side by side getting all the plants fixed up.

While they work Crowley sings along softly to the Rihanna playing over the speakers. Eventually Az looks over at him and feels a rush of affection towards the florist. Seeing him in his element gives Az so much comfort and reaffirms that his decision to come here was a good one.

When Crowley looks over and catches him looking, the red head grins and leans his head on Az's shoulder. Gently Az leans his head against Crowley's and lets out a gentle hum "You're everything to me darling, I don't know what I'd do without you"

"I'm here for you, I'll never let you be alone if you don't want to be"

"But I am alone, I finally did what everyone wanted me to do but now I'm alone"

The artists voice is shaking as Crowley pulls him tight into the circle of his arms and places a kiss to the blond curls "You're not alone as long as I'm here. You're my best friend and I'll do everything I can to protect you and make you happy"

As Az gets lost in his thoughts Crowley holds him close and rocks him gently, letting the blond know he's safe to talk. From the way he squirms and struggles to get comfortable it's depressingly obvious how long its been since Az was held. Everything he'd said about his boyfriend didn't paint a picture of someone very loving and affectionate so its no wonder he's touch starved. Crowley's been missing the affection since his break up but Az's been yearning for it for almost a decade.

Crowley's considering taking Az out the back again since he's fallen back into his own mind when Az finally speaks again.

"I... I broke up with him. After so long I finally did it and now I'm free so why don't I feel like it? I thought not being with Kane anymore would make me happy so why do I feel like the world is closing in on me?"

"You told me you've never been single before so of course you're struggling with it. It's always hard to leave a relationship, especially one that lasted so long and had so many emotions involved. You're allowed to be upset Zira, no one will judge you for crying and not being yourself for a while"

"I haven't cried, I don't even know if I'm upset... All I feel is numb"

"That's ok angel, everyone processes grief and loss differently. I sound like a bloody psychologist but it's true. Your feelings are valid even if you don't understand them or show them different to how people think you should"

Az sniffles pitifully and presses his face to Crowley's warm earthy smelling chest "I know I'm acting ridiculous but deep down I think I am glad I went through with it. When I got your flowers it gave me the encouragement I was always missing to finally cut myself free. I cussed out Gabriel and told Kane I was done with him so I'm a free man now. It's been a long time coming but I have you to thank for finally caring about me enough to convince me to do the right thing. Thank you Crowley darling, meeting you was a blessing"

All his warm feelings crash down as Crowley runs over that admission in his head. He sent the flowers to apologise for his actions and show his support, not to pressure Az into breaking his own heart. He might privately hate Az's ex but seeing what leaving him has done to the blond is too painful.

If Crowley wasn't so overrun by guilt he might almost be glad that he finally has a chance with Az. Now that the artist is single, their friendship is much less inappropriate and they can form a stronger bond without worrying about propriety. One look at Az dashes these thoughts from his mind though because hurting someone he cares about so much for his own benefit is just cruel.

"Oh Az I'm so sorry, I never would have sent those flowers if I knew how it would hurt you"

"You didn't hurt me, you made me feel so happy and cared about that I started to care about myself enough to do what was right for me"

"You're heartbroken because of me, I should never have inserted myself into your private life and convinced you to do something you'll regret"

"I don't regret it and I doubt I ever will, it hurts like I always knew it would but that doesn't make it the wrong choice. People always say being single gives you time to find who you truly are and learn to love yourself which I need. I've never had enough time alone to become my own person without the people around me telling me who I'm supposed to be. It's the most terrifying thing I've done in a long time but I think I need to be single until I'm strong enough to fall in love again. If I can't be happy with who I am there's no way for me to be happy with someone else"

When he's met with silence Az turns in Crowley's arms to study the red heads face "You don't believe me do you? You think you've done something terrible to me"

"I only wanted to help but I ruined everything. You've lost your boyfriend and your brother because I was arrogant enough to think I'd ever have a chance with you"

"You do have a chance with me and that doesn't make you at all arrogant. If I really couldn't be alone I'd ask you to be my boyfriend but I know that isn't right for either of us. You deserve more than to be my rebound and I don't want to waste what could be a wonderful relationship by rushing. We can stay friends while I heal then when we're both in the right frame of mind, we can discuss becoming something more. Would that be ok with you?"

"More than ok, I promise if you ever ask me to be something more than a friend I'll say yes and do everything possible to be the best boyfriend you've ever had"

"That bar is rather low my dear and I'd prefer you not to make rash promises like that. I plan to grow a lot before I'm ready to take that step and I might turn into someone you don't like nearly as much"

"I doubt that. You learning to love yourself and conquering your own mind won't make me like you any less. I care about you deeply because you're you and that won't change when your mental health is better"

Az leans in to kiss Crowley's cheek then rests his head against the red heads shoulder, letting them both enjoy the closeness. If he had even an inch less self control Crowley would want to hold the artist in his arms forever and never let him go. After he's been so brave he deserves to be cared for an know he's somewhere safe. Keeping Az away from his ex and brother for a few hours until he's feeling better is all he can do but hopefully it's enough.

For the next 2 hours Az helps around the flower shop, doing surprisingly well for someone with such soft delicate hands. As an artist he's got an eye for detail and spends the majority of his time dragging plants around to make the shop more aesthetically pleasing. Despite Crowley's half hearted arguments about practicality, Az firmly tells him feng shui is more important and sends him off on another errand. Getting bossed around his own flower shop by a beautiful heartbroken angel is unexpected but far from unwanted. If it takes moving around some displays to put a smile on his best friend's face it's more than worth the effort.

When they finally break for lunch, Crowley and Az join Adam at the counter for Subway sandwiches. Az is appalled that they eat fast food every day but quickly stops complaining after the first bite. He might be a fussy food snob but no one can resist a mouthful of carbs and cheese.

Adam and Crowley wolf down their food as usual then turn to watch the artist. He shoots the two boys a smile and nudges Crowley's leg with his foot "What're you looking at darling?"

"You angel, thought that was obvious"

With a smug grin forming Adam leans over the counter and asks "Have you two got something to tell me? You're both acting different to last time"

After getting a nod from Az, Crowley quickly gives his employee a quick rundown of what happened that morning. Though he makes sympathetic noises at the right moments Crowley know the teenager well enough to see the glint in his eye.

It's no secret that Anathema and Adam have been privately shipping them since they met and are finally getting what they want. Az and Crowley are both happy about it too, despite it causing some pain, but don't want their employees getting too cocky. They're still going to need to take the relationship at their own pace so it might be months before they get to the stage of actually dating.

Once Crowley finishes his quick rundown Adam thinks about it for a second "Az are you scared about your ex getting angry at you? I know Crowley got a lot of violent phone calls from his and I had to chase his brother off a few times. If you need any help protecting yourself we're both here for whatever you need"

"Oh no I'm not worried about anything like that. My family isn't always the nicest but they don't take the violent approach to things or make a scene in public. I'm more worried about what will be said at the next family gathering, they can be cruel at the best of times so this won't make things any better"

The blond receives identical looks of pity from Crowley and Adam which makes his heart hurt. Even Adam, who he barely knows, is being so lovely to him and doing everything possible to make sure he's ok. Being so weak and needy isn't a position he wanted to find himself in but knowing people around him do care when he has a bad day makes it a little better.

With a huff Az crumples up his wrapped and tries to put on a brave face "All this talk about my life is depressing, let's get back to work before we lose anymore time"

Crowley looks concerned but gives him more work to do and gives him some quiet time by himself. By the time they reach the end of the work day his arms and back ache but he feels so much happier than in the morning. Az doesn't have a track record of getting over things quickly but hard work seems to be helping with that. It might be considered bottling things up but distracting himself with what seems like a new fun hobby makes his heart hurt less. He'll need more time to process his feelings and plenty of long deep talks with Crowley but Az can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

While Adam packs up to leave Crowley pulls Az into another hug then looks at him sternly "You promise you're ok to go home? I won't think less of you if you'd rather stay and have company"

"I appreciate that more than you know but I'll have to decline this time. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions today and I need time alone to get my head on straight. I'll spend a good few hours by myself, thinking everything to death then perhaps we can meet up tomorrow. Sunday is the day I never schedule appointments so if you'd like to go on our tea tasting date, I'd very much enjoy that"

"I don't open the store until noon so we could spend the morning together, how's 9?"

"I'm an early riser so that's perfect for me. I'll make a reservation and meet you here in the morning"

The two men share another hug before Az heads out to catch his bus and Crowley goes up to his flat to get wine drunk and cry over chick flicks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter I've written in advance so the next update might take longer than usual while I study for mid-semester exams but it'll be here eventually


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and chapter 12 were originally going to be one chapter but then I wrote 2k words of talking about feelings on the side of the road and realised that plan wasn't happening

In frustration Az bangs on the door of the flower shop harder, wondering if his friend is even inside. They'd agreed to meet at 9 but he's been knocking on the door for 10 minutes with luck.

After a few more knocks Az gives up and tries calling the red head again. His last 5 calls went to voicemail but this time Crowley picks up on the fifth ring.

"Hmmmmm wassup?"

"Crowley I've been knocking on your door for the last quarter of an hour, are you at home?"

There's a silence from the other side of the phone before Crowley cusses loudly and hangs up. Before Az can get offended he sees the florist through the window, barrelling down the stairs and running to the door. He rips the door open and falls into Az's arms, babbling apologises incoherently.

Once Az has a hold of him, he carefully walks Crowley inside and closes the door behind them "Are you quite all right dear? Has something happened?"

"I didn't get to bed until late so I forgot to set an alarm and now I'm super fucking hungover"

Az chuckles softly and tightens his grip on the florist "Drinking alone huh? Did you have a nice night?"

"I wasn't alone, I had thousands of friends around me all cheering me on as I did a keg stand"

"You'd make a terrible politician darling, no one would ever believe your lies"

With a huff Crowley throws his arms around the blond and let's himself be lead upstairs to his flat. Az's warm body lulls him back half asleep so he'd go almost anywhere he was told to.

When he's gently pushed down onto his own bed Crowley looks up at his best friend with a dopey smile "I'm sorry for lying angel, are we still going out together?"

"Yes dear, I'm taking you out for tea but not until we chat"

Crowley whines "You really need to stop referring our deep meaningful conversations as 'chats'" but doesn't protest Az joining him on the bed.

Carefully Az gathers the red head back up in his arms and trails his fingers down his arm. It gets a shiver out of Crowley but he happily lies his head on Az's shoulder. He's still not fully awake and getting held like this doesn't make him feel like waking up any time soon.

Soft lips press to his forehead making Crowley sinks further into Az's body as the blond speaks "Why were you drinking alone dearest? You know I'm always here if you need someone to take care of you"

"Yesterday was a lot and I wasn't fully sure how to process it all so I got drunk"

"I'm unsure how to process it too so if you're ever feel like discussing it together I'm here. Make sure you stay safe when you drink though ok? I don't want to find out you fell down the stairs and hurt yourself after a bit too much whiskey"

"I prefer to drink gin when I'm alone but I'll be careful, wouldn't want to put a frown on their pretty forehead"

One of Crowley's long elegant fingers runs down Az's forehead feeling the small wrinkles there before he hums and forces himself to get to his feet. He's still wearing his silk pajamas and feels weird to be dressed so casually when Az is in a full suit. The artist is always dressed overly fancy but Crowley feels even more scruffy than usual when he isn't even fully dressed.

With the blonds light blue eyes watching him, Crowley slowly unbuttons his pajama shirt before turning around to his wardrobe to look for something to wear. Before he can prepare himself he hears a rustle from the bed then a warm hand presses to his lower back "Look at you my darling, even without trying you're gorgeous. Part of me wishes I'd given you that tramp stamp you asked for because ink looks so good on you"

Az's deep voice giving him a compliment makes Crowley's knees go weak under him as he slumps back against the artist "Fuck angel, you can't just say that"

"Why not? Are you trying to convince me you don't like it?"

"I fucking hate you"

"I seem to remember you saying you wouldn't lie to me"

Now that Az is free to say and do whatever he wants he's thrown himself head first into flirting with Crowley. There's been so many things he's wanted to say to the florist so now he's not holding any of his comments back. When it makes Crowley flush such a beautiful shade of red it makes it almost impossible to keep control of his mouth.

Crowley's never been the most emotionally stable normally so Az is excited to see what happens to him under the onslaught of affection. They still need to talk about how they're both feeling and what's going to happen with their relationship but flirting is a must.

With trembling hands Crowley takes a button up shirt from his wardrobe and lifts it up for the blond to see "Should I wear this Zira?"

"You can wear anything you like dear boy but I must say, you look very fetching when you dress nicely"

Obediently Crowley tugs on the shirt then slowly does up the buttons, all with Az pressed close to his back. The blond waits until he's clothed before properly wrapping his arms around Crowley's waist and chuckling to himself "You're driving me crazy my dear, I think I'd better wait somewhere else while you get ready"

After a gentle pat on the stomach Az pulls back and leaves the room, retreating to the lounge to wait for his friend.

As soon as the artist is out of sight Crowley collapses onto his bed and stares at the ceiling. His chest is heaving as he breathes heavily and his body feels like it's been turned to mashed potato. 

While Crowley tries to recollect his sanity, Az takes advantage of the chance to look around his home. The florists never let him come up to the flat before so he's not going to waste this opportunity.

Az takes a quick walk around the flat before checking to make sure Crowley's door is closed then beginning to properly snoop. He goes through the lounge, opening every drawer he finds, hoping he'll find something weird but not too weird. He'd like to think Crowley isn't the kind of person to leave a dragon dildo sitting around in the open but would be very amused to find out otherwise.

Since the red head seems to be taking his time Az manages to go through the entire lounge and finds almost nothing. Most drawers he opens are empty and when he takes another proper look around he sees that the whole flat is pretty empty.

After the bad break up Crowley moved back into this flat after living with his ex for months but that was weeks ago. Az thought he'd have tried to make the flat home by now but it seems that the opposite is the case. He'd never mentioned anything about planning to move out into somewhere better but it's clear Crowley hasn't made the flat a home.

Az moved into his own cottage soon after leaving his family home so he's had decades to make it his own. He's made every single centimetre of it into somewhere warm, cosy and wholly himself so seeing that his best friend hasn't done that isn't a nice feeling.

Living above the shop you work in may not be the nicest living arrangement but Crowley still deserves to have somewhere that feels like home. Knowing that it still feels bare and empty even after weeks of him living in the flat depresses Az more than he ever thought. Crowley's bedroom looked comfortable enough but every other part of the house looks like it hasn't changed since Crowley moved in. There's not so much as a picture of the florist on the wall or a Queen poster or even a nice warm blanket to cuddle up under.

Once Az gets over his feeling of sorrow for knowing how uncomfortable Crowley must be in his own home, he makes a plan. Again he checks Crowley's door before finding a pen to jot down a note on his arm, reminding him to contact Adam when he gets the chance. He doesn't know any of Crowley's other friends, doesn't even know if he has any, so the red heads employee will have to do.

Together they'll be able to scheme up a plan to make Crowley feel happier with where he's living without the florist knowing what they're doing. An ugly tartan blanket appearing one day and a few pictures being added to the walls will hopefully be subtle enough that they'll get away with it. Crowley will likely try to put a stop to their plan if he knew they were pitying him and wanting to help so its imperative that he won't know until the plans well in motion. Once he's got a comfy blanket that smells like Az's home on his bed it's unlikely dislike their interfering enough to want to give it back.

As Az returns the pen to where he stole it from, Crowley's door finally opens and the red head emerges. It's been going on towards quarter of an hour so Az isn't sure what he's gotten up to in his room but is polite enough not to ask.

The red head was already half dress so whatever took an extra 10 minutes to do probably isn't something he'd care to share. Az knows him well enough to know it probably involved overthinking and stressing himself out over nothing so he'd rather get Crowley's mind off it entirely.

With a smile he walks to meet the florist and reaches out to take his hand while subtly running his eyes up and down Crowley's body. The red head has never managed to look anything but delectable, especially now that he's dressed up specially for Az. They're going to go out for tea together then come back to the flower shop where Crowley will have to change before work. Knowing he's the only one who'll get to appreciate just how good Crowley looks in his outfit sends a twinge of possessive satisfaction through the blond.

Having those gorgeous golden eyes covered up with glasses again after seeing them hazy and unguarded from sleep is admittedly disappointing but Az is just glad he got to see them in the first place. Crowley's flat is dim enough that he can keep them uncovered without discomfort which was a rare and wonderful sight.

After giving himself longer than was quite appropriate to stare at his friend Az softly tells him "You look delightful my dear"

"Thank you angel, I don't know how fancy your little tea shop is so I wasn't sure how to dress"

"It's not awfully fancy but you know how I like to overdress, I certainly don't mind seeing you a little dolled up though"

"I'm not a fucking Barbie"

"You have the body for it and I'm blond enough for it, together we'd make the most disappointing doll a little girl has ever had"

Crowley snorts as he leans in closer to Az, already feeling better after, as Az thought, overthinking their date more than possibly necessary.

They're both silent until Az takes Crowley's hand in his and starts leading him towards the door "Shall we go dear? I'd be happy to stay here with you but I doubt you have any tea and I always crave a cup in the morning"

"You haven't had any yet?"

That gets a blush out of the artist who grudgingly admits "Well I did have two cups when I woke up but that was hours ago"

"When the bloody hell do you wake up?"

"Generally 6, unless I had a late night and sleep in until 6:30"

Crowley shakes his head "You're nutty, absolutely bonkers angel"

The florists laughing and prepping himself to tease about another of Az's weird habits when he realises where they are. His stomach drops as he turns and sees Az, in the middle of his flat, his ugly, dirty, barren flat.

When the blonds laughter dies out he looks over and sees Crowley staring at him with his mouth gaping open. With the gentlest touch he can, Az puts his fingers under the red heads chin "Weren't you ever told to close your mouth before you start catching flies?"

Crowley's mouth snaps shut but he doesn't stop staring until the warm fingers move to cup his jaw "Crowley I need you to answer me, no zoning out right now"

"Sorry, I um... I didn't mean to have you here"

"Have me where? In your flat?"

"Ngk yeah, it's gross and you're too good for this so we should go, pretty angels deserve tea"

Az tightens his grip and firmly states "Pretty demons deserve everything good the world has to offer"

"Was calling me a demon supposed to be romantic?"

"It was supposed to be stating a fact you little rascal. You should feel no shame about not being in the best place right now because no one here is judging you. Even if you lived in a barn I wouldn't give a toss so stop this self deprecating bullshit"

The blond starts to turn but stops and looks back over his shoulder "I expect to see you right behind me, admiring my arse as I go down the stairs you silly bugger. Don't make me come back up here and do something worse than cussing at you to get you out that door"

Even knowing that Az is strictly against violence doesn't stop the stirring in Crowley's pants at the thought of being manhandled. Buff guys have never been Crowley's type before but just the thought of how easily Az could do anything he wanted to him sends the florist out of his mind. Getting held down during his tattoo was enough for him to pop a stiff and fall into subspace, so much more would likely make Crowley jizz his pants. It's not something he's proud of but is too far gone to even think of denying it anymore.

Crowley's startled from his thoughts by the sound of the stairs creaking which spurs him into action. He'd love to see if Az will follow through on his threats but more than anything, he wants to go to a stupid cheesy tea shop with his best friend.

Quickly he grabs his keys, phone and jacket from his bedroom then jogs down the stairs after Az. He locks the door at the bottom then follows the blond to the front of the store to lock up then go to his car.

Az is leaning on the top of the car, watching Crowley with a fond look. Having his orders so easily obeyed is always a good feeling, especially when it's by such a beautiful man.

When Crowley turns around and sees the tattoo artist watching him he feels a warm shudder run through his body. Having so much of Az's attention on him with no need for barriers between them anymore is overwhelming but Crowley can't deny loving it. He's so touch starved that even holding hands feels like the best thing that's happened in months. He feels like a teenage virgin all over again and can only hope Az finds him acting like a bumbling idiot endearing not irritating.

While Crowley preens under the attention they both get in the car and Az puts a hand over the florists on the wheel "I'll give you directions ok? I want you to follow the road rules and go exactly where I tell you"

"Yeah yeah Zira, I'll try not to speed"

"Good boy darling"

Az takes his hand off Crowley's and lets the red head pull out of the parking lot and starts giving instructions. It wouldn't be hard for him to put the address into his phone to get directions but Az much prefers to do it himself.

They're 10 minutes into the drive when Az unconsciously leans over to rest a hand on the red heads thigh while they turn a corner. He's too busy thinking about where to go next to notice the way his touch makes Crowley gasp.

Crowley tries to take long slow breaths and keep focused on the road even with his quickening pulse and shaky hands. Az's fingers are dangerously close to the crotch of his pants and he has no idea what he's supposed to feel about it. Having someone he cares so deeply about touch him in an intimate, affectionate way usually feels amazing but it always makes him lose his head. Usually it doesn't particularly matter since Az seems to enjoy watching him fall apart but it's the wrong time and wrong place.

Despite his mind circles around, dangerously close to panic, Crowley manages to keep driving until they reach a red light and Crowley has to cave. If he spends another minute with Az's hand touching somewhere so intimate he's going to fully panic.

Crowley's still trying to come to terms with the fact that Az is now available and wants to pursue a relationship in the future. His emotional state is hanging by a thread and constant physical affection isn't helping that. Plus he's trying to focus on driving them to what might be their first official date so everything's coming down on top of him. Causing a fight or upsetting Az is the last thing he wants but there's a real worry of Crowley crashing the car if he's touched for a single moment longer.

Even though it pains him, Crowley has to grab onto Az's hand and gingerly move it back to the artists own lap. They make eye contact for a long minute while Crowley trembles in his seat before Az snatches his hand away and stutters out "Lights... The lights are green darling"

With a jolt, the red head looks back at the road and slams on the accelerator to jolt them back into the road. They barely make it to the next set of lights before Az reaches over to put a hand on the wheel and firmly say "Crowley pull over, right now"

As soon as Az starts giving orders Crowley's rational brain shuts down and all he can do is obey. Before he even realises it's happened they're on the side of the road and Az is waving a hand in his face "Come back my dear, you're ok I promise"

Crowley looks helplessly at the blond then buries his face in his hands, trying to stop himself hyperventilating. He tries to get out the words to apologise a couple of times before Az shushes him gently and keeps coaxing him to just breathe. His chest is starting to ache and his vision dances around in front of him so he knows if he doesn't get it under control soon he'll end up passing out. It's not something he's good at preventing but it's happened enough times that he can feel it coming and do everything possible to stop it.

When a hand lands between his shoulder blades the red head cries out but presses back into it, trying to match his breathing to the slow circles Az draws on his back.

After another failed attempt to apologise the pressure on his back increases and Az murmurs "Crowley please, I know you're struggling so I need you to try to relax until you can talk to me. If you want to sit here for a few minutes until you're calm again, we can. If you need me to do something for you, you know I'll always do anything I can for you. If you're panicking too much to drive, I can drive us back to your shop and get you comfortable. I'm here for you and I won't be angry at whatever choice you make"

"I... You... You can't even fucking drive Az"

"I had a few lessons when I was 17, I'm sure I could get us home in one piece"

"Not in my bloody car you won't"

The florists breathing stutters again as he laughs bitterly but he can feel himself starting to calm down.

By the time he's fully calmed down Crowley has already run through a million ways to explain his actions but is no closer to knowing what to say. Panicking while driving because your friend touches your thigh and putting both of you in danger because of it isn't an easy thing to explain.

Az gives the red head time to explain before withdrawing his hand and leaning back to study Crowley "I think this is one of those things that need to be addressed immediately"

"I'm sorry"

"I'm not asking you to be sorry but I'd like to talk about this. What about me touching your leg overwhelmed you when me touching your back calmed you down?"

"I don't... I..."

Crowley flounders until Az takes pity on him and holds out his hand "I know you like some physical contact so show me what I can touch to make this easier for you"

Cautiously Crowley takes the soft manicured hand offered and after a moment of thought, bows his head to place the hand in his hair. Gently Az starts to stroke the fiery strands, carefully watching to see the tremors of pleasure that go through his best friend with the touch.

"I'm sorry angel, I overreacted and I shouldn't act like a teenage boy just learning to masturbate for the first time"

"Interesting analogy but it's ok, I won't judge you for getting overwhelmed. I'm a very touchy person and now that you're the main person I have that contact with it's probably going to get a lot more intense. I always forget that some people are much more sensitive to touch than I am and I can't go around touching people if they haven't given me permission"

"But that's the point. I forced you to break up with your boyfriend for me but I can't even provide for you and let you touch me when you need to"

Before Az can even process how many levels of concerning that is Crowley groans and lets his head fall into his hands again "Forget I said any of that, I know I sound like a misogynistic manual for housewives in the 50s"

"Again, a rather strange analogy but that's not quite the point here. What came out wasn't at all healthy but I understand what you were trying to say. May I have a minute to think about this?"

"Yeah yeah go ahead" Crowley mutters into his hands while the artist still plays with his hair "Take all the time you need to sort through the levels of my bullshit"

Addressing Crowley's self esteem issues and constant need to be self deprecating is an issue Az files away for another day, preferably while they're somewhere nicer than a car.

While his best friend wallows in regret Az removes his hand from the gorgeous red hair, closes his eyes and sighs heavily. He knows Crowley has never been the best with words so the things he says often come out wrong. What he said sounded like he felt useless because he wasn't sleeping with Az but they both know that's not what was meant. Crowley's insecurities are too strong for him to be able to police what he says and not mess up his words.

When Az finally opens his eyes again he's met with Crowley's gold eyes staring at him. The red heads glasses dangle from a finger as he squints at his friend, begging him to say something first. They keep eye contact for a long moment before Az's hand covers Crowley's "Put you glasses back on dear, I can see the light hurting you"

Obediently Crowley does what he's told then squirms in his seat "Did you come to a conclusion angel?"

"Not as such but I do know we need to talk about the state of our relationship and about physical touch"

Crowley waves a hand to indicate that he's listening so Az continues on "I hadn't realised until now about how undefined our relationship is and how unfair I've treated you because of it. We've always been slightly more than friends but never been able to label exactly what that little bit more is. A lot of the things we've done have been in that grey area so it's created a lot of confusion. I was with someone and haven't been able to give you a proper relationship but I still treated you the way I would treat a boyfriend. I was selfish and cruel to you by doing that and I'm very sorry, both for my actions and for being oblivious to how it was hurting you. You deserve to have good friends you can trust just as much as you deserve a boyfriend so I will try harder to be that for you. Until the point in the future when we're both in a good mental place and ready to date officially, we should endeavour to do nothing that can't be classed as solely platonic. Would you be ok with that dearest?"

It takes a minute to process everything Az said so while he does that Crowley fiddles with the radio, too nervous to be idle. Once he's settled onto an old rock station he has no more excuses not to answer Az's question so he replies "I think I'd like that. We've both made it clear that dating in the future is what we both want but it's hurting us to be unsure about what we are right now. I'd like to know you can just be my best friend and not have to worry about anything else"

With a smile, Az opens his arms and lets Crowley lean into him, rubbing the red heads back soothingly as his arms wrap around Az's generous waist. When the arms around him loosen, the florist pulls back far enough to see his friends face and tries to give what he hopes is a confident smile. It might fall slightly short of confident and end up more along the lines of a grimace but Az appreciates the effort.

Since the hug seems to have cheered Crowley up completely Az takes the red heads hands between his "Would you like to tell me how what it was about my touch that made you panic? Was it because it was too intimate?"

"I guess so but I'm not fully sure. Your touch always drives me a bit nutty so it was hard to have it while I had to focus on driving and somewhere I haven't been touched in weeks. You've touched me a lot today and I love it but it's started to become too much"

"So no touching while you're busy and try to restrain myself slightly more from being too touchy feely, I can do that. Is touching your thigh off limits or is it something you'd like to hold off until we're in a relationship?"

"If I'm completely honest, I don't like being touched below the waist much. If you want to touch my leg and do things like that, I'll let you but I'd rather you touch my back or hands or hair, I really love being touched there"

"Ok dear, I'll make sure not to touch your legs or anything in that area without asking you to make sure it's alright for you"

"And... This sounds stupid but I don't really like having my arse touched or anything like that. My ex used to put his hand in my back pocket when we walked and I know it's just a cute thing couples do but I never liked it. It wasn't anything big so I would have felt stupid bringing it up but it was never the best feeling. If we were getting heated and I knew there was the intention to go further I could prepare and was ok with it but not in casual situations. Doing sexual things was always a big deal for me so things like touching below the waist were also a big deal and I don't like them being treated as if they're meaningless"

That burst of candour clears things up nicely for Az and he feels very glad he forced this discussion. Crowley's not usually the kind of person to admit what's troubling him if he sees it as something insignificant. Someone as touchy as Az could easily have gone months, touching Crowley in all sorts of ways he didn't fully enjoy, before finding out the florists true feelings.

There's a definite redness spreading across Crowley's face but there's also the hint of a smile on his lips. As embarrassing as admitting to his feelings is, it is relieving to get it off his chest.

When the red head looks up again he's met with one of his best friends blinding smiles "I'm proud of you my darling, thank you for telling me. At a point in the future we'll have to have a long talk about sex but we'll hold off on that for now. I can promise that I never treat anything like that as something casual. I've never been a fan of PDA so holding your hand is probably as far as I'd ever go in public"

Crowley sighs in relief as he finally pulls his hands away from Az's and turns the car back on "Ready to go angel? We've spent much too long here and there's plenty more time to talk over breakfast"

A well timed rumble in agreement from Az's stomach makes them both laugh as Crowley pulls back into the road. With Freddie Mercury singing in the background and Az softly giving directions, Crowley drives them through Soho. There's not much else said on the drive but both feel much more comfortable now that they've worked out some issues.

When they pull up outside the tea shop Az looks down to get his seatbelt off and by the time he looks up Crowley has turned off the car, leapt out and run to open Az's door for him. Old fashioned chivalry has always made Az's heart flutter so knowing Crowley has listened and does things to make him happy feels delightful.

Gently the blond takes Crowley's hand and let's himself be helped from the car. Crowley ducks his head as he locks the car and another blush spreads across his face.

After he's slipped his keys into his back pocket he holds out a hand to his friend "Shall we?"

"We shall dearest, let's have a lovely brunch"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a while to finish and the next one will probably take a while too because I'm highkey stressed about school so I might not be following a posting schedule with the last few chapters of this story


	12. Chapter 12

As they walk in Az keeps ahold of Crowley's hand, firmly staking his claim on the red head. He's come to the tea shop often and made friends with a few of the servers so doesn't want anyone thinking his friend is available.

While Az holds him close, Crowley's eyes flit from place to place, taking in the small dim shop. He's not sure if the artist picked it because it's dark enough to make him comfortable or if it's just a lucky coincidence but is happy either way. Getting used to not covering his eyes in front of his best friend is something Crowley's trying to push himself to do. It's not easy with his light sensitivity and insecurities around it but it's slowly getting less daunting over time.

Most of the shop is in dark red's and gold's which Crowley very much approves of. It seems to be a nice blend of his own slightly gothic style with Az's love for comfort and homeliness.

Once they're seated Az spends a couple of minutes chatting with the waitress about her young son before ordering a pot of green tea. He turns back around in time to catch Crowley grimacing in disgust and gives his friend a glare "Don't look at me like that, I know you don't like black tea so we're going to try every other kind until we find one you like"

"I already know I don't like green tea either so there's no need to make me drink an entire pot of the stuff to confirm it"

"Hush now my dear, they have delightful miniature teapots here which make the right amount of tea for two cups. If I'm honest, green tea isn't my favourite either so I wouldn't make us suffer through multiple cups for no reason"

Crowley pouts but drops the issue, unable to find fault in the blonds answer and already wondering if a miniature teapot would be a good Christmas present. The holiday isn't for another few months yet but it's never too early to start planning and desperately hope the relationship hasn't fallen apart by then.

In the 5 minutes it takes for their tea to arrive, Crowley turns to another thing that had been on his mind and casually leans his elbow on the table "Are there any actual menus at at this place or do you just ask for what you want and hope they have it?"

"There are menus but I've been here enough not to need one. I'm rather determined to find something you'll like and I think I know what might interest you"

Despite Crowley mumbling "You're making me drink that green garbage so obviously not" Az keeps smiling serenely at the red head until he blushes and looks away.

Even though it's their first real date together as two single men, the florist seems to be in quite a grouchy mood. It's obvious he's not a morning person and as someone who frequently wakes up to see the sunrise, it shouldn't be as endearing to Az as it is. Just the thought of waking up in the same bed as Crowley and getting to see him look completely peaceful in sleep sends the blonds heart into a flurry. Maybe he'd even let himself get convinced back into bed after having his morning tea and they could spend a lovely lazy morning cuddling.

Az is ripped from his domestic fantasies when a steaming pot of tea is placed in the middle of the table along with a plate of pastries. The waiter leaves with a beaming smile and words of thanks then Az's eyes dart up to meet Crowley's.

Finally the red head has taken off his sunglasses and is looking at Az, eyes full of undisguised fondness "Penny for your thoughts angel?"

"My apologises dear, as you may have guessed, I get lost in my own head rather often"

"I'd be rather daft if I hadn't noticed but I find it adorable"

"I think we're both a little old to be adorable anymore but thank you darling and feel free to catch my attention when I start drifting off"

With a smile Az turns back to the table of treats in front of him and wonders how much it's acceptable to eat on a first date. They've known each other long enough that most propriety has been lost but he still wants to make a good impression. It wouldn't do to be stuffing his face when he should be paying attention to the gorgeous man across the table from him.

To distract himself from the tempting sweets Az carefully portions the tea out into their two cups then slides one across the table to Crowley.

The florist sees the unspoken challenge and fixes Az with another weak glare they both know he doesn't really feel. Over the rim of his teacup Az gives a little smug grin and raises an eyebrow "Drink up my sweet, you're not escaping until we've found something you enjoy"

To stop himself saying he'd never want to escape when Az is across the table from him, Crowley grabs the cup and takes a large gulp of his tea. Immediately he starts coughing as it burns his throat, looking up at Az in embarrassment with tearing eyes. To his benefit, the blond manages not to laugh but the amusement in his eyes is evident.

Silently he takes a tiny sip of his tea, even lifting his pinky finger gracefully to further mock Crowley. He lets the red head watch him for a minute before taking a more substantial drink and asking "Is everything alright over there? If you need someone to give you mouth to mouth, you'll be glad to know I took a first aid course in secondary school"

They'd agreed to tone things down to stay platonic but it seems flirting wasn't included into that. Az is far from what would be considered a good flirter but is wonderful at knowing how to tease Crowley. Just the insinuation of Az kissing him is enough to make the florist choke again and start coughing.

With an overly dramatic sigh Az stands up and walks around the table to give Crowley a couple of hard thumps on the back. Once he's managed to compose himself again Az puts a firm hand between his shoulder blades and mutters "Control yourself dear, if that's enough to almost kill you, I can't wait to see what else I can do to you"

While Crowley buries his flaming face in his hands the blond moves back to his side of the table and daintily picks up a scone "I suppose we should cheers to your good health then"

"Oh really angel? You're going to do such terrible things to me then mock me about it while forcing me to act like an idiot?"

"Yes I rather think I am so pick up a scone so I can stop looking daft"

Crowley keeps one hand covering his face but caves and uses the other to pick up a scone. He taps it gently against the one Az is holding out before shoving the whole thing in his mouth. Grudgingly he hums in appreciation and gives Az a wide smile which makes the artist groan at the sight of half chewed food as he takes a bite.

Despite Crowley's complete lack of table manners or ability to control himself, it's been a good day so far. The red head seems determined to sabotage himself at every opportunity but nothing could put Az off.

They've both been desperate to officially go out together for weeks and finally have the opportunity. It might be too early and too intimidating to class what they're doing as proper dates but both know that's what it is. Az likes to think they've surpassed the 'just talking' phase of their relationship and are stuck somewhere just before making it official.

Once Crowley's mouth is clear he pushes his cup of tea away and huffs "I don't like it, I'll agree that sweets are a decent way to start the morning but you'll have to work harder on the boiled grass"

Az mumbles something under his breath about men that are so nice to look at but have no taste, before signalling the waiter.

Once a couple more types of tea have been ordered Az rests his chin on his hand and examines the red head "Is there anything you'd like to discuss dear? I know I've done an abundance of thinking lately so I presume you're the same"

"I'd like to hear how you're doing after yesterday's fiasco but I understand if you're not ready. I just started listening to the audiobook of Pride and Prejudice so we could talk about that if it makes you more comfortable"

With a soft smile Az tilts his head and nibbles slightly at his bottom lip "I suppose it would be good to talk things through with someone who understands"

"I can't really understand ending a decade long relationship but I'm always happy to listen"

Both of them ponder what to say next as another pot of tea is delivered, this one smelling much better than the last. With delicate hands Az picks up the pot and pours Crowley a cup "This is peppermint dear, much different than the tea you claim to detest"

"Peppermint tea? Sounds like a hoax but I'll try it"

"It most definitely isn't a hoax, I don't remember this being an episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved"

In surprise Crowley's head shoots up from sniffing hesitantly at the tea "How do you know about that? Here I was thinking you were a wholesome little old man who didn't know how to work the interwebs"

"Just because I prefer reading a book to going online doesn't mean I'm completely ignorant. I do work with Anathema and even I'm not immune to a good meme or two"

Crowley breaks down into laughter at the thought of Az scrolling through Instagram laughing at dirty memes. Maybe the red head could imagine him joining a forum of antique book enthusiasts but anything more than that is preposterous.

He'd had such a perfect image of Az built up in his head which is being constantly torn apart. Even after hearing the blonds most embarrassing stories and seeing him blackout drunk, somehow Crowley still thought he was an innocent saint. As startling as it is, Crowley is starting to love having Az subvert all his expectations and shock him time and time again.

Once the florists fit of laughter dies down Az picks up a mini eclair and holds it out expectantly across the table. In amusement Crowley reaches out to take it from him but it's snatched back before he can touch it.

"Don't be stealing my breakfast now dear boy, get your own before the tea goes cold"

"Really angel? You're going to make us cheers with a piece of dessert before every cup"

"Well now that you seem to have such an aversion to it, I suppose I am. At the risk of sounding like your grandmother, you really don't eat enough and a little incentive never hurts. Besides, I feel rather posh doing it and wouldn't want that ruined by you pouring boiling hot tea down yourself if we did it the normal way"

As much as he dislikes it, the high chance of tea ending up in his lap if he tried to do anything fancy with it is very high. Crowley's mastered the art of being extremely clumsy and doesn't fancy the idea of making a mess of himself on yet another date.

Without bothering to deny it, Crowley picks up an eclair, gently taps it to Az's then inhales it the same way he did with the scone. He's noticed Az has a slightly discomfort about eating around other people and wants to make it less daunting. It's never been something he's wanted to speak about and draw attention to but hopes he's helping, even a little. Az would be rather silly to be worried about the way he eats when the person he's with is attempting to swallow entire pastries the way a snake would.

Once he's finished the eclair Crowley procrastinates trying anymore tea by gently prodding again "Anything you wanted to say angel or should I get into my opinions?"

"I think I'd like to talk a little before you start shouting about hating Darcy"

"How'd you know I was going to do that?"

"Everyone starts there my dear, make sure to call me when you finish the book so we can fully discuss it"

The blond gives his friend an expectant look, clasping his hands to his chest as he waits for Crowley to realise what he wants. After a short stare down the florist reluctantly picks up the warm cup in front of him and takes the smallest sip possible. He tastes it hesitantly before taking a bigger sip, smart enough this time not to burn his mouth on it.

Under Az's watching eyes Crowley drains most of the cup then nods with a little smile "This is so much better. It tastes a little bit like toothpaste but at least I can stomach it"

"Hmm, definitely an improvement but not quite what I'd hoped for so I suppose we'll keep going. I do want you to know we don't have to stay if you're tired or bored. This was something I very much wanted to do with you but there's no pressure to stay here just to appease me"

"As long as you're here I'll have a good time. Even if I can't look at another pot of tea again after today I'd be happy to stay here talking and watching you get icing sugar on your cute little nose"

Az's hands fly to his face but Crowley laughs and waves a lazy hand "I was kidding angel, wouldn't mind seeing that though"

After taking a look around Az sticks his tongue out at Crowley and giggles in the cutest way possible "You're a prick, finish your tea now"

Quickly Crowley does just that then places his hand halfway across the table, trying to be casual but knowing he's not fooling Az. It's the most obvious and needy way of begging to have his hand held but hopefully he'll end up getting it.

While the red head avoids eye contact Az takes another sip of tea before reaching out to place his hand over Crowley's. Eagerly he flips his hand over so they can link their fingers and enjoy each others warmth.

Holding hands is such a domestic wholesome thing that Crowley's always loved a little too much. He's always craved it but it's never been something he could ask for from hook ups so he'd sunk low enough to hold his own hand and pretend it was someone else's. If he had a pet he knows he'd probably have tried to hold their paw but as it is, holding the leaf of a plant provides no comfort whatsoever.

The simple touch has made Crowley lose most of his functionality but he tries to pull his 3 remaining brain cells back to order when Az speaks.

"You asked how I've been doing but I wasn't fully sure how to answer you so I avoided the question, as I'm sure you noticed. Last night I ordered a ton of self help books and all those ridiculous things which I doubt will do any good but I'm not sure where else to go. The whole soul searching and finding yourself thing has turned out to be harder than I expected. I'm still happy to be free enough to try and fail at it but I admit, I'm lost and don't like the feeling at all. It's barely been a day which is a little early to lose hope but I've never been the best at dealing with disappointment or failure"

Crowley hums and runs a finger over the rim of his teacup "Gifted kid syndrome huh? Can't say I've ever dealt with it myself because I was always the failure of the family but I get it"

"Can you repeat that dear boy? I don't think I've ever heard it before"

"You mean gifted kid syndrome? Dunno if it's a real disorder or anything but I've seen people on the internet talking about it. Basically just means you were smart as a kid so people had big expectations of you which caused you to be a perfectionist and scared of even the slightest failure as an adult. I don't want to go around pretending I understand what goes on in your head but seems like it fits"

Az is completely silent as he mulls over that thought in his head. It sounds much nicer than saying he's a picky, fuddy duddy old man with a stick up his arse so the blond wouldn't mind looking into it more. He certainly had overwhelming expectations on him for most of his childhood so it wouldn't surprise him to learn it caused many of his future faults.

With a shaky smile Az squeezes the red heads hand, making him jump slightly as he'd forgotten they were still touching "Thank you dear, I certainly am a perfectionist and have a habit of quitting things before I get the chance to find out I'm bad at them. It happened all my teenage years when I couldn't commit to a relationship then as soon as I found one that seemed good I latched onto it like a leech. I wish I had more positive news but there just hasn't been time to sort through my emotions yet so that's all I can give you for now"

Crowley places his free hand on top of their linked fingers for a moment of extra comfort before quickly changing the subject back to Pride and Prejudice.

Over more pots of tea the two chat about the florists opinions on the book so far and Az gives more recommendations for books that Crowley forgets almost instantly. So far he doesn't mind it as much as he expected because the woman reading the audiobook has a relaxing voice so he enjoys listening. Within the first chapter Crowley's ready to go to war for Jane and also ready to go war against Mrs Bennet. Through soft laughter Az promises that those opinions likely won't change by the end which makes his best friend feel very vindicated. He usually throws himself head first into either loving or hating a fictional character then fights tooth and nail against changing that opinion of them.

The audiobook hasn't introduced him to Mr Darcy yet which Az is decidedly disappointed by because he's fascinated to hear Crowley's view on him. Watching the red head go from seeing him as an entitled wanker to loving his awkward kindness will give Az great joy. He privately hopes Crowley will also see some of himself in the man because there's more parallels than Az thinks his friend would care to hear about.

Now that Az has figured out what Crowley likes their tea selection also improves with time. The florist greatly enjoys the lemon and ginger tea as well as the apple and cinnamon, and the peach and orange. Politely Az leaves out the fact that he probably likes it because it takes more like fruit juice than tea because he's so happy the outing seems to have been a success. Having Crowley drinking strange fruity concoctions when he comes to Az's house would be much preferable to coffee. The teas might not be quite his taste but they'll make the house smell much better than the coffee would and be healthier for the red head.

For their final pot Az decides to be a little cheeky and try chai tea even though he knows what the result will probably be. Crowley already doesn't like any kind of black tea so adding spices to it probably won't make much of a difference but Az has got to try. If nothing else he'll get another good laugh at seeing Crowley's face scrunch up as he tries to pretend he doesn't detest it.

When the pot arrives Az pours Crowley a cup then sits back nibbling the last scone as the red head takes a sip. Immedatiely, as Az thought, he frowns in disgust and puts the cup down, shooting the artist a dirty look "Really angel? More black tea?"

"It has spices in it, it's rather lovely"

"It's really not, trust me. I had a chai frappuccino at Starbucks once and it wasn't terrible but having it like this without buckets of cream and sugar doesn't make it any better"

Az groans loudly and puts his head in his hands "No wonder you don't like it if you tried it for the first time at that terrible place"

"I know we're supposed to be saying fuck capitalism and taking down big businesses but they make yummy drinks sometimes. I'm a basic white girl at heart and can't resist a pumpkin spice latte in the autumn, don't judge me"

Crowley laughs as Az whines about his terrible tastes then reaches back across the table to take the blonds hand again. The artist momentarily raises his head to press a kiss to Crowley's knuckles before putting his forehead back on the table.

After another minute of bemoaning Crowley's terrible taste Az sits up properly again and hums as he changes the subject "You know, I think this is the first time you haven't spilled something on yourself while we're on a date. Well done my darling"

"I'm finally acting like a dignified adult"

"Dignified and adult are not the words I would associate with you but sure dear, whatever you say"

Without letting go of each other's hands Crowley slips his glasses back on then the two men go to the front counter to pay and buy some of the tea leaves they liked.

As the get in the car Az realises something else and puts a hand on the red heads shoulder "We agreed I'd keep the tea right darling?"

"Yeah that was the plan. I drink coffee at home so I'd like a nice little treat when I visit my favourite boy"

"I'm older than you so I'm hardly a boy but I won't protest being your favourite anything"

"My favourite bastard?"

Az lets out a laugh and relaxes back in his seat "I wouldn't mind that, I can be quite the bastard when the moment calls for it"

Despite Crowley's manic driving they manage to argue half the way back to their jobs about how much of a bastard Az is. The artist vehemently denies being anything more than slightly snarky to people who deserve it but Crowley, who's spent a significant amount of time with him recently, knows otherwise. Az might look like the sweetest angel who wouldn't hurt a fly but his merciless teasing and suggestive comments show a very different side of him. A side that Crowley admittedly enjoys very much, though he'd never tell his friend out of fear that Az may somehow become even more of a wonderful bastard.

After Crowley almost runs a red light because he's a little too focused on Az the blond puts a hand out to steady the wheel then finally admits he might be more of a bastard than he'd admit to. Az cautiously removes his hand once they're safely through the intersection then grudgingly agrees he might be more of a bastard than he lets the world know.

All it takes is a couple more prods before he entertains Crowley with stories of his passive aggressive revenge on his siblings when he was young. Before he could drink and sleep around to infuriate them he had to be much more subtle with it but enjoyed it just as much.

After a couple of stories of Az screwing with Gabriel in every way he could without getting caught Crowley feels almost drunk with laughter. Learning more about his best friends life is always a delight and having it come in the form of hilarious stories is always preferred.

When they stop at another red light Crowley wheezes with laughter and leans over to give Az's hand a quick squeeze "You're hilarious angel, no wonder that wanker is so easily irritated with you if you've been beating him all your life"

"I'm glad you enjoy it dearest, there's many more stories I'd love to get to tell you"

Crowley flicks his eyes back to the road but his posture relaxes even further as he drives "I don't think I've laughed this hard in a long time. I'm going to be so hyped up on caffeine today and giggling like an idiot every time I think of you, it'll drive Adam nuts"

"The teas aren't caffeinated darling, I go there specifically because of that and it seems like it will benefit you too. I already struggle with insomnia so anything that keeps me awake longer than needed isn't appreciated, plus it gives me some unpleasant digestion issues"

"You can just say it gives you the shits Zira, I think we're close enough not to squeal like schoolgirls over it"

Az snorts and looks over, amused at the way Crowley's mouth twitches into a smile at his own joke "There's a difference between being a priss and having dignity"

"And you embody the best of both worlds my dear angelic Aziraphale"

Crowley earns himself a pinch on the arm for his cheeky comments but the artist laughs happily, not even commenting on the dangerous overtaking they're currently engaged in.

Az's laugh has quickly become one of Crowley's favourite sounds and he's always desperate to earn more of the warm sound. The blond is very free with his smiles but getting a full unrestrained laugh out of him has proven to be much more difficult. His normal soft giggles are one of the most precious things Crowley's ever heard but seeing him let go and laugh without a care in the world means everything. He might never have been the funniest person but the florist has decided he's going to do everything in his power to entertain his best friend in every way. It might be easy to satisfy him with a nice meal and some good conversation but Crowley will throw his all into it to make sure he gives Az every possible piece of happiness.

With aching cheeks Crowley pulls the car to a stop in front of the flower shop. Az leans over to pat the florists arm and shake his head "You really are a delight dear boy"

The red head starts to reply but the words die in his throat when he sees the car they're parked behind. It's one he'd fervently hoped he wouldn't have to see again but life has never allowed him to be that lucky.

Az watches as the colour drains from Crowley's cheeks and looks around in confusion. He can't see anything wrong and doesn't know what's happened to scare Crowley so bad. In concern he tightens his grip on his friends thin arm "What's wrong dearest? Let me know how I can help you"

Crowley brings his knees to his chest, ignoring the way his long limbs barely fit with the steering wheel in the way. In a raspy voice he tells Az "That car... I... He..."

A firm hand grabs onto Crowley's and holds it tight "Is someone here you don't want to be here? Do you need me to get you out of here?"

One look at the florists deathly pale face tells Az everything he needs to know. He doesn't know who's around that's upset Crowley so much but all that matters is getting him somewhere away from it.

For a brief second Az considers getting him to drive down the street to the tattoo parlour but changes his mind instantly. Crowley seems to be completely dissociating from reality and Az isn't confident in even managing to pull out from the curb without incident.

After checking to make sure there's no one around and no obvious dangers in sight, Az jumps out of the car and moves around to the drivers door. Gently he coaxes Crowley out and locks the car for him before briskly walking down the street towards his shop, dragging the dazed red head with him.

No one's around as they walk through the door so Az drags Crowley into his private room and sits him down on the comfiest chair he has. The florist still hasn't said a word so Az kneels in front of him and clutches his hands "Stay here my darling boy, I'll go make sure everything's ok and come back when I know things will be safe for you"

Slowly Crowley nods so the blond leans in to kiss his knuckles before dragging himself to his feet despite his aching knees. He's getting a little too old to be kneeling on the floor anymore but it seemed to bring Crowley back to the real world slightly.

Az debates asking Anathema to make sure he's ok but she's currently with a client so he decides against it. He's severely hoping he'll go to the flower shop and Adam will tell him everything's ok so he can go straight back to Crowley. He also privately hopes someone will explain what, or who, made Crowley completely fall to pieces after seeing a car so he can know how to help his best friend.

Suddenly Az stops in the middle of the street as a thought hits him then he speeds up his pace. Crowley's acting similar to the way he did when they met for the first time so it's probably something to do with that. Meeting Crowley's asshole ex isn't something he's ever wanted to do but Az has an uncomfortable suspicion he's about to do just that. The florists mentioned a couple of incidents with his siblings that never seemed to bother him too much so it's unlikely that they're the ones making him panic and Az doesn't know of any other enemies.

From the moment he steps inside Az can tell something's wrong. Adam looks angrier than he's ever seen him and doesn't even look up from arguing with the man at the counter.

Az takes a moment to look at him and analyse the situation. As much as he tries to pretend he's not comparing himself to Crowley's ex, it's a complete lie. The man looks like a Greek statue come to life, beautiful but cold and uncaring. Az can immediately see why Crowley fell in love with him but can also see why he fell out of love. He feels a momentary stab of jealousy but its washed away by relief that Crowley's safe and away from him.

The red head pretends to be tough but he's got a very soft heart and is extremely kind. Someone who doesn't properly love him and treat him right would completely destroy him, as Justin already did. Az would never claim to be perfect but he knows without a doubt that he'll treat Crowley better than his ex ever did, regardless of if they ever make their relationship official.

With newfound confidence Az walks up to the counter, smiling at the way Adam relaxes at the sight of him "Hello dear, is there a problem?"

The teenager starts to open his mouth but is rudely cut off "Fuck off old man, I'm looking for my stupid boyfriend so unless you know where he is you can leave"

Adam dramatically rolls his eyes behind Justin's back and holds up his phone, silently asking if he should call someone. Part of Az thinks calling the police on this pompous asshole would serve him right but doesn't want to cause any drama. Justin's technically not doing anything wrong and unless things to fly out of control, Az trusts that himself and Adam can handle it. He's dealt with his fair share of self righteous pricks and would rather get him out of the store quietly with as little stress as possible.

As Justin starts to swing back to yell at Adam again Az steps closer and tries to block the teenager "If the man you're looking for isn't here than perhaps you should look for him elsewhere"

"Don't be a fucking idiot, I don't know where that slut lives and I know this little shit does"

A wave of relief rolls through Az as he realises that Justin doesn't know about Crowley's flat upstairs. Knowing where he works is bad enough but if Justin came back when Crowley was alone and vulnerable in his home it would be disastrous.

"If he doesn't want you to know where he lives you should respect that and let him live his life"

"No one cares what an ugly fat idiot says, I bet you've never known what it's like to be in a relationship"

Again Adam has to stifle his laughter at the irony of that statement. At least half of Adam's problems for the last month have happened because Az had a boyfriend and Crowley was sad about it but no one is going to tell Justin that.

His raging goes on for another 10 minutes as he cusses out Adam, Az, Crowley and every other person he can think of to blame. Finally he swipes all the papers off the front counter before storming out of the shop.

Both Adam and Az run to the window to watch him get in his car, still yelling, and peel off. Thankfully he's so blinded by anger that he misses Crowley's very distinctive car parked right behind him. If he had of noticed it neither man doubts that he would've come right back in to make more threats about them knowing where Crowley was.

The situation didn't escalate too much, likely because Justin didn't want to make a scene in front of someone he believed to be a complete stranger. If he'd had even an inkling that Az knew Crowley or was involved with him any way there's a very high chance it would have turned to violence. Az trusts his own strength and could take care of himself if necessary but defusing the situation without anyone getting hurt or the police being called is the best possible outcome.

Az desperately wants to go back to Crowley but forces himself to stay with Adam and calm down. The comments Justin made were so cruel and he can't let any of that show on his face when he sees the red head again. He'll be no use to anyone if he's falling apart over a few mean comments against the person he cares deeply for. Crowley will be going through enough on his own and needs his two closest friends to be able to comfort and support him. 

After a minute of mulling over their own thoughts Adam and Az share an awkward look before Adam mumbles "Sorry you had to turn up for that, is Crowley in his car?"

"He's waiting at my shop where it's safe, he freaked out when he saw Justin's car and I didn't want him anywhere near this shitstorm"

Adam's eyebrows raise at the cuss word then he puts his head down on the front counter and groans loudly "I thought I'd finally managed to make his brother fuck off and now we're dealing with that asshole too"

"You're an amazing employee and an amazing friend Adam dear, Crowley truly is lucky to have you"

The teenagers shoulders slump even further as Az moves around the counter to pull him into a hug. He's not sure what he can say to make the situation better but in his opinion, a hug always makes the world a little brighter. 

When Adam's arms slip around his waist to return the hug Az lets himself smile gently. 

"I should go check on your boss now, will you be ok here?"

"Yeah I'll be fine, I can take care of myself. Feel free to give me another hug when you get back though; Crowley and my boyfriend are both twigs so your hugs incredible in comparison"

Az affectionately ruffles the teenagers hair before taking another deep breath and heading out the door. He's still not fully processed everything that's happened but is calm enough to be functional and make sure Crowley's ok. The florists been alone for too long and Az doesn't think it's a good idea to leave him alone for much longer. 

When he walks into the shop everything seems calm and Az is very glad to find Crowley exactly where he'd left him. The red head even managed to get himself a glass of water and take off his glasses in the dim room which must mean he's not too badly affected. 

When he walks in Crowley lurches to attention and his eyes run down Az's body to check he's ok before putting his head down in his hands and breaking down into tears. He tried so hard to keep it together while waiting for the blond to get back but now that he knows everything went ok, it's all too much for him. 

With a concerned hum Az hurries over to pull Crowley's head into his chest and holds him tight. Crowley seems like the type to bottle things up until they explode so seeing him let out his emotions is a relief. Watching him break down isn't a nice feeling but Az is glad that he feels comfortable enough to let himself be comforted. 

By the time Crowley's tears slow Az's white sweater has a tear stain on the front and his leg has started to go numb under his weight. Despite the discomfort the arms around him never loosen and Az doesn't seem like he intends to go anywhere any time soon.

Crowley tries to start a conversation a few times but only manages to get a couple of words out before giving up and lying his head back on Az's chest. When the words finally come to him he whimpers and puts a hand on the artists knee, rubbing it gently "I'm so sorry Zira, I shouldn't be acting like this, what the fuck is wrong with me?"

"It's ok to still be upset over a break up my darling"

The hand on Az's knee tightens as Crowley gets frustrated with his own emotions and his inability to properly express what he's feeling. "I don't fucking miss him and I never want him back in my life. Knowing he's here shouldn't do this to me but it brings up so fucking many bad emotions. I've only seen him once since the breakup so I thought it wouldn't affect me, I thought I was smarter than this. My siblings were harassing me but it was fine because they've done that all my life but he..."

Crowley trails off as he starts to sink back into bad memories but Az doesn't let that happen. He presses a kiss to the red heads forehead and guides Crowley's arms back around his waist to pull them closer. The red head lies his cheek against Az's soft stomach and clutches at Az as though letting him go would mean losing him forever.

Gently Az strokes his fiery hair and says as softly as he can "You don't need to explain yourself to me. As someone who's also going through a breakup, I know it's hard and it's ok to struggle with seeing him again. If it upsets you then it upsets you and that's all I need to know unless you think it would help you to talk about it further. I was only around him for a few minutes and he was decidedly unpleasant so I understand why you want to avoid him at all costs"

There's a beat of silence before Crowley whispers "What did he do? Please tell me he didn't hurt you, I couldn't live myself if I let my shitty ex hurt someone I love"

That startles both of them and they finally break apart so Az can make eye contact "Darling I don't think that's what you meant to say"

"I don't think it was either but I think it's true, platonically though"

Az looks at him for a long moment before shaking his head and pulling the petrified florist back to his chest "Oh my sweet boy, I'm just glad you're safe"

After another few minutes of hugging Crowley reluctantly pulls away and admits he should probably go check on Adam. Cautiously Crowley checks up and down the street before slipping his hand into the blonds and walking with him back to the flower shop. 

Adam looks extremely relieved to see his boss returning safe and runs over to grab him tight in a hug. The kids been extremely good to both of them this morning so Crowley gives him his wallet and tells him to bugger off for a while. They both see the way his eyes flick between the two of them curiously but he takes Crowley's wallet and happily leaves, never one to turn down a free meal. 

Once he's out the door Crowley's facade starts to break and he reaches out desperately to put an arm around Az's shoulders "Thank you angel, I don't know where I'd be if we hadn't met"

"Your ex did a lot of horrible things but allowing us to meet was by far the best thing he ever did for you"

Az didn't realise quite how conceited that sounds but since the florist eagerly agrees he doesn't bother correctly himself. Going through a bad relationship in order to end in a good one was terrible for Crowley to go through but he ended up alright. He might have the emotional scars from Justin for a long time but he's got people around him who care and want to help him heal. Like Az recovering from his own toxic relationship, they're both going to need time to heal. It might take a while for them both to be in the right headspace to date again but knowing you have a good friend beside you is making it better. 

After eyeing the few people in the store to make sure they don't need anything Crowley turns to the blond "Do you think we ever would have met if I'd never been with Justin?"

"Oh dear" Az clucks "I think we definitely would have, we work so close together so I'm sure our paths would have crossed at some point. I would have needed a flower arrangement or you'd have wanted to get another tattoo and we'd have ended up here somehow"

"Do you believe in fate?"

"In a way I suppose I do but I like to think its more a case of people who are meant to be together finding each other"

Crowley frowns as he thinks that over "I've never been sure if I like the whole fate thing. Seems dangerous to let God, or whoever else is out there, control your life without you being able to do anything to change it"

"I don't think God controls what pair of underpants you put on in the morning or whether you go out to lunch with a friend. God's plan is too great for us to understand and on a grand scale it will play out how it is meant to but in the mean time we make our own choices"

"Are you telling me God is ineffable and I should stop questioning things so much?"

With a soft laugh Az bumps his hip against the florists then lies his head against Crowley's bony shoulder "Your insatiable curiousity is one of my favourite things about you, I wouldn't dream of telling you to change that"

Az looks up to see a man heading towards the counter with a succulent so lets his hand slip down to pinch Crowley's arse as he murmurs "Although my all time favourite thing is this delicious arse"

The blond dodges the smack aimed at him and slips off into the store as Crowley tries to put on his best customer service mask and do his job. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while to finish but I hope it ended up ok
> 
> This story is probably only going to have 2 or 3 more chapters so I'm trying to wrap things up neatly


	13. Chapter 13

After 8 weeks of going on multiple dates a week with Az, Crowley has very quickly started to fall in love. He has a tendency to fall head over heals into platonic love for someone after one interesting conversation but romantic love is much more painful. Despite it happening multiple times over the years, love always manages to sneak up on him unaware then bite him in the arse when he least expected it.

Adam and Anathema have kept subtly probing them both about whether they know when they'll start a proper relationship but they've gotten good at skirting around the topic. No more visits from Justin or his siblings has meant Crowley can focus on healing without getting upset all over again at their cruel words. Being single isn't anything new to him but it's always a shock to end up in the same position again so he's glad to have had time to work through it. If Az had asked he would have jumped right into a relationship with him but not letting that happen was the best decision they made.

Recently he's started thinking about bringing up the topic of their relationship again but isn't sure if that's his decision to make. Az is the one who struggled so much with his own breakup so he's the one who needed time to learn how to love himself alone. If Crowley brought up the idea of taking things further between them and upset Az in the process he'd never forgive himself. The artists been through enough without feeling pressured into another relationship that might not be the best for him.

After internally debating the issue one night Crowley decides to give it another couple of weeks. If Az brings up the state of their relationship they can have a discussion about it otherwise if he doesn't mention anything Crowley might try to. He's not a very subtle person but can probing to see how Az is handling things and find out if his questions would be inappropriate.

For the last week Anathema had been hounding Crowley every time she saw him to agree to having dinner with her and her bloke Newt. Az had refused, thinking Crowley would never want to spend his evening with them but Anathema knew the florist would agree. Her boss might think she was embarrassing but his new best friend loved her to pieces. 

Under pressure from his two favourite people, Az ended up agreeing on the condition that Adam and his boyfriend Warlock came too. If he had to spend his evening with his young questionable employee it would only be fair for Crowley to experience the same. Adam and Anathema had hit it off right away when they met and were both enthusiastic for more time together as well as a chance to show off their respective partners. 

So far Crowley has been fretting for close to an hour, changing his outfit at least a dozen times. Usually he'd call Adam and have the teenager tell him to stop being an idiot but is trying not to make a fool of himself. When Adam and Az are going to be spending time together very soon, he doesn't want to give anyone extra ammunition to embarrass him. 

Three outfit changes later, Crowley finally settles for a black button down Az said he looked "simply delectable" in, and his favourite pair of jeans. They've all seen him looking much worse so as long as he looks presentable and Az approves, that's all he wants. 

When Crowley finally leaves his flat he's surprised to see he'll be on time for once. Being late to pick Az up has become his signature but he'd like to try being a little better today. If they're not on time to Anathema's house he'll likely get a talking to from the blond. 

As expected, Az is waiting outside his shop and gives the red head a blinding smile as he pulls up "Oh hello my dear, did Adam put your clock 5 minutes ahead?"

The artist slides into the passenger seat and laughs at Crowley's pout as he whines "Come on Zira, I wouldn't want to make you look bad in front of your friends"

For once Az lets him win the argument without another comment, simply turning on the radio as they pull out. 

Anathema lives relatively close by so it won't take them long to get there, especially with Crowley's manic driving. He tries to tone it down when Az is in the car to avoid scaring him off altogether but can't stop himself going at least a little over the speed limit. Anything under 60mph feels like they're never going to get anywhere and it does his head in to crawl in traffic. Az has pointed out that perhaps living in London was a bad decision if he feels so strongly about it but moving would be even more hassle. One day he'll get a quaint cottage in the countryside where he can rip up and down the roads at any speed he likes without interference. 

Just as Crowley switches on the turning signal to pull into the driveway Az points to, a hand grips his arm and Az says in panic "Oh no my dear, I bought Ana's favourite pinot noir but I left it in the fridge at work"

Calmly Crowley pulls into the driveway then extracts his arm from Az's death grip "I baked cookies and got her a bottle of champagne, I'm sure she won't be offended if we give her those instead"

Even as they get out of the car Az worries the front of his waistcoat with nervous hands until Crowley's hands cover them "For Someone's sake angel, even if you showed up with nothing, everyone would be happy to see you because you're a delight. I don't know Anathema very well so it's my job to give provide sacrifices for her alter. All you need to do is relax and have a good evening with our friends then invite me over to drink that lovely wine before it goes to waste"

Az reaches up to ruffle his hair for the sass and murmur "She's not Cthulhu you strange man" then gets the presents from the backseat while Crowley fixes his hair back in place. 

As they walk up the steps to Anathema's house the door is flung open and the woman herself sticks her head out "I thought you two were going to snog in the car all night, hurry up before Adam starts snooping"

With a giggle Crowley squeezes Az's hand before jogging inside and leaping onto the couch behind Adam. The teenager tries to smack him but only ends up giving his boss an opening to tackle him. After a fierce wrestling match Crowley gets the blond boy pinned and looks up at Warlock on the other end of the couch "Hey kid, I've missed your scrawny goth arse"

Adam takes the distraction as a chance to throw his boss off onto the floor then both teenagers jump onto him. Crowley gives up almost immediately and lets them attack him before worming his arms around their shoulders for a hug.

When he looks up he sees Az smiling fondly at him from the doorway so Crowley squeezes the boys tighter "Angel, these are my adoptive children, their opinions are the only ones I really care about so you better be good to them"

"I was under the impression Adam already liked me"

The boy in question kicks a leg in the artists direction without moving his head from Crowley's shoulder "I can neither confirm nor deny that until you join the snuggle pile"

Crowley shrugs helplessly so Az gingerly removes his coat then kneels on the floor near them, extremely unsure what's being asked of him. 

Warlock groans when Adam leans over to smack at him but crawls over to cuddle up against his boyfriend, leaving Crowley's right side free. If Az is completely honest with himself, it might have been less awkward to lie with the teenager he'd never met but isn't going to mention it. Admitting that he's nervous to be so close to Crowley would only make him look ridiculous and waste the opportunity he's been given. 

The florists glasses got knocked off sometime during the tussle so his golden eyes watch as Az lies down next to him. Even as the teenagers chat on the other side of him Crowley's focus never strays from his best friend. Cuddling with his godsons is nothing new but it's very new for his relationship with Az. 

Thankfully, knowing neither of them could handle too much, Az shuffles across so he's lying right next to the red head. Their bodies touch from shoulder to thigh making Crowley instantly feel 10 degrees warmer. 

His eyes are forced away when Warlock reaches over to smack at his hip "Annie make this arsehole stop bullying me"

Crowley laughs and catches the goth boys wrist, trapping him and Adam in place "You two are terrible, without Pepper here to smack you for misbehaving you're running wild"

Both boys growl comedically and scramble to reach every inch of Crowley they can to tickle him. The red head shrieks and pushes against Az to try to escape, writhing under the hands poking at him. 

When they finally relent and go back to teasing each other Crowley slumps against the artist, whimpering when a strong arm slips around his waist. Az's hand spreads over his ribs, gently making sure he can't be easily tickled anymore. 

Shyly Crowley flashes his best friend a smile then rolls onto his side so he can pull Adam into a headlock as revenge. They're still tussling when Anathema comes to the door and laughs at the sight of four adult men spooning on the floor "I was going to ask if you lot wanted any snacks but it seems you're a little busy"

In sync Crowley, Adam and Warlock all yell "You're a snack" making Anathema break down in giggles again while Az frowns while trying to figure that out. 

With a groan Crowley extracts himself from the pile of limb and drags himself to his feet. He still hasn't seen Anathema enough to be fully comfortable around her and didn't even greet her properly when he arrived. With the likes of Adam around he doubts perfect manners are expected but still wants to make a good impression every chance he gets. As if her being one of Az's closest friends wasn't enough, she's also terrifying and could definitely summon some evil karma if he hurts Az. 

When he walks over Anathema pulls him into a hug and beams at him "Good to see you ginge, I thought Az would cockblock us forever"

"He could never stop our love princess, we're meant to be"

She presses a chaste kiss to his cheek then runs back to the kitchen as a timer beeps. 

Az is still on the floor chatting with Adam and Warlock so Crowley heads after her. His jealous side wants to stay with his closest friends and make sure nothing goes wrong but he knows that's stupid. The three of them are all smart and can take care of themselves without needing Crowley hanging around them like a fretting mother hen. From what he's seen so far, he doubts Az would be able to offend anyone even if he tried so he's safe with two teenagers who rarely take things to heart. 

Crowley's been overly curious about how the three of them would get along but has been even more curious about Anthema's boyfriend. He's barely heard anything about him and is curious what kind of man would be able to capture her heart. Getting someone like Anathema with a bohemian heart to settle down in a cute house in the suburbs takes someone very special. 

Entering the kitchen dashes all his expectations as he watches Anathema and a tall gangly man with messy brown hair and glasses dance around each other with dishes. He wasn't expecting someone tough or intimidating as such but definitely didn't think he'd be meeting someone who'd get pushed in a locker in every teen movie. 

When she sees him walk in Anathema nudges her boyfriend as she snatches the pot out of his hands. With as much awkwardness obvious on his face as Crowley's feeling inside, the man walks over "Hi I'm Newt, you must be the florist I've heard so much about"

"I am, call me Crowley"

After a pregnant pause Crowley asks an awkward question about Newt's job which he happily starts talking about. It's obvious neither of them are the best at social interaction, especially with someone they've never met before and have almost nothing in common with. 

He's almost as much of an opposite to Anathema as Az is to Crowley which is a nice feeling but also puts Crowley on edge. It was easy to feel at comfortable with Anathema because she was outgoing and outrageously herself at all times but he doubts it will ever be that with Newt. All Crowley can hope is that Az is faring better with his godsons which is likely since he knows the artist could talk to anyone about anything and make it the most interesting conversation they've had all week. 

Newt's anxious babbling about the IT job he's convinced he'll be fired from any day now prevents Crowley from having to talk until he feels a hand on his back. Az's blond halo of hair appears by his shoulder and immediately Newt's face brightens as he sees the artist "You've escaped the terrifying teens huh Az? They attacked Anathema too when they arrived but I seem to have been spared"

"Oh just wait dear boy, as soon as they've gotten to know you you'll end up on the floor too"

Subtly Az loops a finger into the back of Crowley's pants and gives a sharp tug to urge him backwards "I'm just going to give Crowley a little tour if you don't mind. If I get lost in Ana's witchcraft books again please come dig us out for tea time"

Newt must say something to the affirmative because before Crowley can get out any pleasantries he's being dragged down a hallway. They end up in a bedroom that plainly shows the compromises made, 70s floral wallpaper clashing with the ultra modern computer in the corner and pentagram on the floor. It's somehow both exactly what he imagined Anathema's house to be like and nothing at all what he'd prepared for. 

Once they're behind closed doors Az lets go of his firm hold on the florists wrist then steps back with a concerned look on his face "Are you feeling alright my darling? I thought you would have had enough time to meet dear Newt and would appreciate a little break"

Crowley collapses back onto the bed and runs a hand down his face "You're a lifesaver angel, I'm so fucking bad this and I think he hates me"

Clucking his tongue, Az sits down next to the florist and runs a hand through his fiery mane of hair "Preposterous darling, I don't think Newt's capable of hating someone. You'd have to do a lot worse than struggle to hold a conversation to get on his bad side I assure you"

The hand in his hair stops Crowley from going any further into self loathing and instead he snuggles up to Az's thigh. Now that they practically cuddled he's in desperate need of affection from the artist. Getting to press up against that gorgeous plush body just once will never be enough for him. 

While his thumbs massage Crowley's skull Az softly whispers "Good boy, you're such a good boy my dearest Crowley, I'm proud of you for doing so well"

Even though the red head whines "Stop it" he presses his head to Az's thigh, blushing in the most fetching way. Az takes a second to brush the hair out of his face to admire it more then teases again "Denying it doesn't make you any less of a lovely person my darling. Anathema thinks you're wonderful and those boys adore you more than I ever realised, you must be able to see that"

Crowley sobs and nods quickly, overwhelmed by someone he cares for so deeply saying so many nice things about him. It's rare for someone to tell him so explicitly that they like and appreciate him so once he gets over the initial embarrassment Crowley will be thinking about Az's words for weeks. 

Thankfully Az doesn't say anything more, instead talking about what nice boys Adam and Warlock seem to be while Crowley composes himself. His grip on the artists dress pants gradually loosens until he's relaxed enough to pull himself back upright. Az looks at him proudly before tilting his head and letting a little smirk tug at his lips "Was I correct in hearing Warlock call you Annie? I presume there's a story behind there somewhere"

"Ugh" Crowley groans, not even realising his godson had said that where other people could hear "I told you my names Anthony so he used to call me Uncle Tony as a kid then when he was older I asked if he'd be ok calling me something else so he decided on Annie. It's silly but he was only young and thought using my fake last name wasn't special enough so I let him have his own nickname for me"

Az's heart feels warmer as he imagines a younger Crowley looking after Warlock as a kid. He's never considered himself a family man but it brings up all kinds of hopes for the future inside him. Having kids of his own isn't possible and would be much too demanding but developing a relationship with Crowley's godsons sounds lovely. Perhaps if they had children of their own, him and Crowley could be godparents for them as well and babysit any time the two boys need a break. 

To distract from his increasingly domestic fantasies Az shakes his head and focuses back on Crowley "That's very sweet my dear, I wasn't aware you'd known young Warlock so long"

"Ah shit yeah, I forgot to tell you. I've known Warlock since he was born because his father was a diplomat and worked with my oldest sibling in the army. I'm not technically a godfather but I looked after Warlock all the time when his mother needed a break so everyone considers me to be one anyway. I met Adam when the boys were 11 and became best friends at school so I could never escape the little nuisance. I've been in his life coming up to a decade now so he's adopted me as his godfather too, especially since the two of them plan to get married one day"

That wasn't the response Az was expecting so he reaches out to take Crowley's hand while he mulls it over. From his close relationship with Adam he'd assumed the blond boy must have been his real godson and Warlock was only considered one because they were dating. Learning that in fact neither of them are officially his godchild and the dynamic is completely different changes a lot. 

Adam has always been an enigma to Az, more intelligent and self assured than he thought any child could be at the ripe age of 19. Az and Crowley were both flailing through the world creating disaster at that age and long after so seeing someone handle it with grace threw him off balance. He'd always liked the boy but wasn't sure how to even start getting closer to someone he was so different from. 

On the other hand, Warlock made much more sense to Az. Being an artistic kid with barely hidden trauma trying to find where to fit into the world is something Az knows all too well. At his age he didn't have someone like Adam to help him but doesn't doubt that he understands what Warlock's going through all too well.

The tattoo artist is determined to make both boys like him because he knows anything between him and Crowley won't work without their support. Before tonight he had an idea of how important Adam's opinion was but now knows it more than ever. Undoubtedly one word from Warlock about not liking Az would slam the door closed on the possibility of ever being more than friends with Crowley. It's intimidating but does ease Az's mind slightly to know Crowley has a support system. It might be made out of two oddball teenage boys with more opinions than they know what to do with, but it's infinitely better than nothing. 

As soon as they met Az was relatively sure Adam liked him but knew getting any kind of deep connection with him would be a challenge. In a way it's harder with Warlock because he's going to have to gain a lot of trust before the boy lets him in but once those walls come down he's sure they're going to get along spiffingly. 

Crowley's golden eyes haven't moved from his during the whole silence so Az squeezes the red heads hand in reassurance "They're both incredible young men my dearest, I look forward to getting to know them better"

The florists mouth drops open and he runs his thumb over Az's knuckles as he asks "That's all? You don't have anymore questions?"

"I have plenty but I don't think they need any urgent answers. Anything to do with the boys I'd like to find out from them myself and I hope I get the chance to do that. If you'd like to tell me more you're always welcome to but what you've already told me has given a lot to think about"

"Most people don't believe me" Crowley mutters, frowning as he remembers past experiences "They think someone like me belongs on a motorbike drinking and sleeping my way across the country, not being a substitute parent to two kids"

Az can't stop himself laughing at that thought. The way they met was very abnormal but he did have a first impression somewhere along those lines so can imagine other people seeing his friend that way. After months of getting to know each other though, the thought of Crowley being wild or promiscuous is almost as preposterous as imagining him as straight. 

With a laugh Az cups the red heads cheek "Being an incredible godfather suits you perfectly, I am curious how you'd look in leather though"

Crowley chokes on his own tongue at that while Az laughs and throws an arm around his shoulders to pull him closer. 

There's a long silence before Az rests his chin on top of Crowley's head and softly admits "I didn't just bring you in here to save you from uncomfortable social situations. I need to ask you about something but I'm not sure how to do it"

"Just be blunt angel, you won't offend me and I'll tell you anything you want to know"

"It's not so much something I need to know, more of something I need help with"

Someone as fiercely independent as Az asking for help isn't a common occurrence so Crowley instantly gives his full attention. He lies his head against the blonds chest, effectively hiding their faces from each other in case of an awkward topic. Looking someone in the eye while spilling your guts to them makes things a million times harder but giving physical comfort during it without expectations is delightful. Crowley's always been an affection whore and having to maintain barriers with Az has only amplified that tenfold. 

Az sighs deeply then blurts out "My family has a Christmas party every year and I'm expected to attend. My brother and ex will be there so it's going to be horrific and I can't do it alone"

His voice breaks slightly on the last world making Crowley feel a physical pain in his chest "Oh angel don't worry, I've got you, I won't let you be alone with those assholes"

"I don't want you to feel pressured to spend time with my terrible family but I would love to have you there"

Having Az be the less confident one is a strange feeling and Crowley hates the blonds siblings even more than before. Any people who could make his overly cheerful best friend turn nervous and maudlin aren't anyone he wants around. 

The experience of meeting them and having to spend an entire evening around them isn't going to be at all pleasant but Crowley is mildly curious. Az never had pictures of his family or his ex so it will be interesting to meet them, in a depressing way.

Az presses a feather light kiss to the top of Crowley's head then murmurs "I don't know how we should go about this. Showing up with a new boyfriend would be a good way to get revenge on them but that would be cruel to you. They'll already be terrible to you just for existing but it will be a thousand times worse if they know we're involved"

"Zira I care about you more than I think is healthy but I can't do that. I refuse to do the cliche romance novel move and pretend to be dating, it would only hurt us both more. I'll happily come with you for support or to cuss out your siblings for you or to raid the wine cellar but I can't pretend to be more than we are. We're building something really special and I can't let that be ruined by having to perform for entitled cunts who don't deserve a single second of your time"

Rejecting Az when he's in need is the last thing Crowley has ever wanted to do but he has no choice. His mental health has been improving lately but won't survive getting to have everything he's dreamed about with Az for a short time before having it stolen away. 

There is the possibility that they could start dating for real and not have to lie about it but that puts too much pressure on the relationship. They've worked so hard to get to know each other and make things between them develop naturally so forcing themselves together would ruin it. When they get together Crowley wants to know that Az is with him because there's deep feelings between them, not because the artist wanted someone to antagonise his family with. Crowley's more than happy to go with him to play the part of Az's rebellious best friend and say things the blonds too polite for but that's as far as he's willing to go. Pretending to date might seem romantic in romance novels but Crowley isn't willing to try it out in real life. 

There's a long silence which makes Crowley regret it even more then Az lets out a long weary sigh "I know my darling boy, it was a preposterous idea but I tend to lose my marbles when my family is involved"

Crowley opens his mouth to comfort his best friend but is interrupted by the door opening. Frantically he pulls away from Az and puts distance between them, covering his red cheeks as Newt pokes his head in "Dinners ready so you two should hurry before Adam eats an entire plate of chicken wings"

With a smile he ducks out again and Crowley collapses backwards on the bed "He thinks we were doing something dirty on their bed doesn't he?"

"Don't be silly dear, this is their spare bedroom but he knows I wouldn't get up to any hanky panky in public"

In confusion Crowley mouths "Hanky panky?" but Az ignores it and heads to the door "Come now dearest, I'm very much looking forward to speaking with your godson further"

Despite knowing their conversation is far from finished, Crowley obediently follows the artist back to the dining room. Adam already has sauce smeared over his face from the chicken and shoots his boss a grin "You abandoned us asshole, we've claimed your boytoy for the night so stop sneaking him off"

Crowley rolls his eyes and sits next to the blond boy to steal a chicken wing off his plate while Az sits next to Warlock across the table. 

Anathema had decided the messiest food she could make was preferable to get rid of any possible tension. She doesn't know Warlock, Adam or Crowley nearly as much as she wanted to and tonight was going to remedy that. Getting messy and embarrassed with someone was the quickest way she'd found to do that and was happy to use the strategy whenever she had to. 

Once her and Newt have sat down, next to Crowley and Az respectively, they all dig in. Crowley gets wings, fries and coleslaw on his plate before continuing to tease Adam for his lack of manners. He'd heard the stereotype about teenage boys eating like bottomless pits but never experienced it first hand before meeting the boy. Even when he was a teenager himself he never enjoyed eating much but Adam could eat an entire buffet and still want to go out for ice cream afterwards. 

It becomes clear very quickly that Adam is too focused on the food to uphold any decent conversation so Crowley turns to Anathema and Newt. With the witch facilitating things are much less awkward and Crowley soon settles into it. He definitely feels like he's being interrogated but the good food and Anathema's winning smiles make him feel more at ease. 

After giving a rundown on the last 4 decades of his life and answering a few too many searching questions Crowley looks for a distraction. Talking about his childhood is never the best feeling, especially with a face covered in barbecue sauce. 

When he looks around the table he's struck by what an odd bunch they are. Each of the three couples are all polar opposites to each other but somehow it all feels just right. Crowley's always thought people who say opposites attract are just setting themselves up for heartbreak but he's slowly coming around to the idea. Him and Az are far from opposites but their differences are big enough to make them a good complementary pair.

Crowley's drawn from his observations when he sees Az and Warlock deep in conversation which makes his heart melt. 

Warlock's opinion is the only one that matters more than his own so him liking Az means absolutely everything. The idea of anyone not liking the artist is crazy but there was always a slight twinge of fear that his godson would pick up on a red flag he hadn't even considered. He's never particularly liked anyone else Crowley's been with so if Az is going to stick around for a long time, tonight is crucial. Warlock's had enough trouble with father figures and shouldn't be stuck with someone else he'll despise. 

Crowley loses himself watching two of the people he loves most in the world interact until a cough beside him brings his eyes back to Anathema. The woman nods and gives him an approving smile "You'll be good to him, he's needed someone like you for a long time"

"Not going to curse me then princess?"

"I may if you hurt him but that pretty little ass of yours is safe for now"

With a chuckle Crowley repeats "Ass ass ass" until Anathema throws a sweet potato chip at him and replies "Saying arse makes me feel, as Az would say, like a bloody daft bugger"

Her terrible attempt at a British accent gets a barking laugh out of Crowley before he covers his mouth with his hand. When he looks back up, his chest heaving with silent laughter, he locks eyes with Az. The blonds eyes are shining with amusement and the smear of sauce across his cheek makes him look cuter than ever.

All Crowley can do is stare at Az until Adam elbows him in the side "We can all see you looking like a dumbass boss, close your mouth and cut it out with the heart eyes"

"Shut up you little brat"

"You're the only people here not in a relationship but still act like an old married couple, fucking disgusting"

Crowley shoves a couple of chips in the teenagers mouth to shut him up then gives Az an apologetic shrug. The blond is still watching him with soft eyes as he daintily dabs his mouth clean with his handkerchief before getting to his feet. Az and Newt clear the plates before Warlock grudgingly gets to his feet, after a kick in the ankle from Crowley, and offers to make coffee. He's been working as a barista part time since turning 16 and makes the best coffee Crowley's ever had so it's only fair he share his talent with their new friends. 

At that offer Anathema enthusiastically leads him to the kitchen, complaining about her own experiences taking orders at Starbucks during high school. A glance between Adam and Az has them in agreement as they swap places so the artist can sit next to Crowley while the teenager distracts Newt. 

Az's hand immediately rests on Crowley's knee as he leans in to talk quietly "Are you feeling ok dearest? We can take another break if things are becoming too much for you"

"Thanks but I'll manage angel, I think Adam would violently object to letting you out of his sight again"

"You could go somewhere with him or Warlock if you needed, neither of them would ever object to spending time with you"

Having someone care about his own comfort and mental health more than he cares about it himself never gets old. When Warlock was old enough to understand that even adults struggle sometimes, he did his best to look out for his godfather but is still barely more than a kid. Crowley always felt bad when Warlock texted him to remember to stay hydrated and take care of himself because it should have been the other way around. It was a nice gesture but having it from someone his own age who wasn't Crowley's responsibility took away all the guilt. 

Crowley covers Az's hand with his own and wiggles in his chair "Thanks angel, are you getting along with Warlock?"

"He's a wonderful young man, nothing to worry about. We've talked about my art, tattoos and how I got here in life so he's probably going to ask to see your new tattoo"

With a groan Crowley throws his head back "I totally forgot about that, he's wanted me to get something new for years and now that I have I didn't even show him"

"You cleaned his diapers and gave him the birds and the bees talk dearest, I doubt this is going to break you two apart"

"But he'll look at me with that sad little face and I'll end up buying him £100 of cupcakes to apologise"

Warlock walks back in with coffee for his godfather and boyfriend in time to catch the end of that conversation. He gives Adam his long black then puts Crowley's latte in front of him before draping his arms over the red heads shoulders. He holds his godfather tight then laughs quietly "Your inability to say no to me is a you problem, I'll never say no to a red velvet cupcake"

Adam abandons his conversation with Newt to shout "Red velvet cupcakes fucking taste like arse"

Under his breath Warlock mutters "Spoken like someone who's never eaten arse" then dodges a smack from Crowley as he escapes back to the kitchen. 

Crowley pouts at Az then takes a sip of his coffee, burning his tongue but still sighing in delight. The blond snorts at his best friend acting ridiculous and squeezes his knee "I don't know what arse your godson has been eating but if it tastes like cake I may need to try it"

Newt and Adam both cackle with laughter as Crowley whines in pain and drops his head onto Az's shoulder. The artists bastard side is amazing but no matter how long Crowley's known him it's almost impossible to handle. 

A warm hand cups the back of Crowley's neck as Az's body shakes with silent giggles. When Warlock and Anathema return with hot chocolates for Newt and Az, and more coffee for themselves Crowley sits back up but doesn't move far away. Warlock's coy look is met a glare from the red head as he mouths "Shut the fuck up" at his godson. 

The six of them linger over their drinks at the table, chatting idly until Anathema makes the suggestion to move to the living room. Crowley's numb ass thanks her greatly for that suggestion, even when he ends up sprawled on the floor with his godsons again. After another half hearted wrestling match, Warlock moves to talk to Az again while Adam shares embarrassing stories about his boss. 

Az tries to listen to the amusing stories about his best friend but gets distracted by Warlock rather quickly. The teenagers started to warm up to him after getting a full run down of his life and deciding to trust him. The tattoo artist is nothing like he'd expected but in Warlock's opinion, is quite possibly the nicest person alive. 

He asked the teenager for his pronouns, openly answered every question he was asked and showed genuine interest in everything Warlock said. Warlock's so used to being treated like a dumb kid that he barely knows what to do when treated like a valued adult. It becomes clear very quickly why Crowley's fallen in love with Az and Warlock can see himself doing the same if given the chance. His godfather might have abysmal taste but for once in his life seems to have chosen the right person. 

After haltingly telling the older man that he's going to school to study art and talking about some of his art Warlock feels even better. Az is an artist himself and seems to understand everything he says in a way that Adam and Crowley never manage to. He even offers to show his sketchbooks to the teenager if Warlock's willing to share his own art. 

It's a lovely conversation but when it becomes clear that like his godfather, Warlock gets easily overwhelmed by attention, Az gives him a break. He looks over at where Adam's still holding court in time to make eye contact with the teenager who cuts himself off "Oi Az, tell the idiot to show us his tattoo, Lockie's been complaining ever since I told him about it"

Az, Warlock and Adam all look pleadingly at Crowley who doesn't even bother to complain before rolling up his sleeve. Warlock almost falls off the couch in delight as he scrambles over to run his fingers over the flowers on his godfathers forearm. He makes appreciative noises before going very still and looking back at Az "You did this?"

"Yes my dear I did"

"It's fucking awesome, will you give me a tattoo?"

That wasn't what Az was expecting but he nods amiably "Of course, if there's something you'd like done I'd be honoured to be the one you choose to do it"

"I've never got a tattoo before but I've always wanted one. I didn't want to trust someone to put a needle in me and not ruin the art but I think I trust you"

Everyone's silent at that revelation before Newt breaks the silence with a quiet comment "Are you asking Az to be your first?"

Adam wraps his arms around his boyfriend and shrieks "Nooooo how could you steal my man? I'll joust you for his love"

As usual the teenager breaks the tension by making everyone laugh so they can settle back in to chatting about lighter topics. 

It's almost midnight before Anathema notices the time and tells them all they should be getting on their way. All six of them have work and/or school the next morning and it's already going to be a struggle to wake up in time. 

Crowley gives both his godsons a crushing hug then watches fondly as they both hug Az too. Tonight went better than he'd expected and he'll have to ask Az how it went for him but is feeling amazing about it. Warlock's always been slightly unpredictable but it appears Crowley was right in thinking him and Az would get along. 

Once they're in Crowley's car, the red head takes a moment to breath and throw a fond look at Az "You good angel?"

"Wonderful dear boy, I'm glad you talked me into this"

They're both tired but very content so most of the journey to Az's house is silent apart from Queen playing from the stereo. 

When they pull into Az's driveway Crowley parks the car and tugs at his sleeve, searching for the right words. Az beats him too it and turns sideways to give the florist his full attention "That was a lovely evening dear"

"It really was, I was so scared that Warlock would offend you or he'd end up hating you and I'd lose two of my favourite people"

"We wouldn't do that to you, we both care for you deeply and even if we didn't like each other much we'd make it work for your sake. Warlock told me a little about how much you mean to him and I would never dream of coming between that. That boy reminds me too much of myself and it feels like I have a chance to make up for the disasters I created in my teenage years"

Crowley's quickly overwhelmed with emotions as he thinks about how delightful that will be. As much as he tries, he's never been artistic so there's a lot of things Warlock can't talk to him about. He's always open to listen but there's only so many times you can explain types of brushes to your confused godfather before giving up. 

With Az around Warlock will have someone to talk about those things with and like Crowley, the blond had a hard childhood so he'll understand Warlock's pain. It almost feels too good to be true and Crowley has to keep pinching himself to check that this is reality. 

Seeing his friend lose his words, Az shuffles closer and murmurs "Are you ok dearest?"

Crowley presses the heels of his hands to his eyes to try to stop the tears as he stutters out "Warlock he... He's been through a lot of shit and I just... I'm so glad he liked you, I'm a really shitty father figure and he needs someone like you to be there for him"

He lets out a groan and thumps his hand against the steering wheel "I don't deserve you angel, you're the most perfect person in the world"

Gently Az reaches across to slip his fingers into Crowley's "You deserve the world and so do those boys. I promise even if everything goes south between us I'll still be here for you. I fully intend for us to spend a long time together so I can properly earn the right to be a godfather to Adam and Warlock but no matter what happens, I'm not going anywhere. You three are important to me and I trust that wherever this relationship goes we can put that aside for their sake. We might end up getting married or we might date for a month then break up but either way, I'm in your lives now and I'm not leaving without a fight"

Crowley nods silently and throws himself across the car to hug Az, oblivious to the gear stick pressing into his hip. He clutches the blond and sobs out "They need you, I need you... I don't plan to let you go and you don't plan to leave so I suppose that means we're stuck together now"

After hugging the artist within an inch of his life Crowley sits back and holds out his pinky "Pinky promise that even if you hate me, you won't let it affect Warlock and you'll still be there for him"

Without hesitation Az wraps his own pinky around Crowley's and chuckles "Since this is a legally binding contract I guess I'm officially stuck here now. I highly doubt I could ever hate you though my darling, we're friends before everything else, even if a romantic relationship crashes and burns"

They stay with their fingers linked until Crowley's wrist gets stiff so he has to pull away and crack his knuckles "I'll call you tomorrow to talk about your family Christmas more ok?"

"Good boy, text me when you get home safe"

Az leans over to peck the red heads cheek before sliding out of the car and heading to his front door. Crowley waits until he's safely inside before pulling out of the driveway and heading back to his own home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I try to plan the end of this story I end up writing too much and prolonging it again. This chapter and the next were going to be one but then I realised I love Warlock with all my heart and couldn't just skip over this without giving him some time. 


	14. Chapter 14

Az cleans up his studio after his last client, keeping an eye on the clock so he won't be late for lunch with Crowley. They haven't seen each other in a couple of days since the dinner party so Az is getting antsy. He knows Crowley's talked to his godsons a lot and he's interested to hear what they've said about it. 

If the florist is amenable he'd love to get Warlock's phone number so they can continue their conversations. Az has always been a confused old man at heart and never picked up the habit of texting but he's willing to try it. Proving himself to Warlock will be worth humbling himself by asking Anathema or Crowley to walk him through it. 

Walking into the flower shop makes a rush of calm go over Az as he breathes in the heavy scent of flowers and fertiliser. He feels his shoulders relax an inch and a small smile spreads across his face as he catches sight of Crowley's fiery mane. 

It takes a couple of minutes to catch the red head but when he catches sight of Az he drops his mister for a hug. Crowley squeezes his best friend tight then pulls back grinning "Hey angel, let me find my little rascal then we can head to lunch"

"No rush dearest, I adore the atmosphere in here"

"Maybe we should have a picnic here one day, Satan knows I've got more than enough plants around to make it look like a park"

Az laughs lightly and follows Crowley, his mind stuck on that picnic idea. He's got a small garden behind his house which he mostly allows to run rampant but would love to put to use. 

Maybe when he has a few days off he can ask Crowley for some tips on how to take care of it. It'll be quite a mission but they can easily use the flower shop until Az has sorted out his garden. If he asks nicely perhaps Crowley would even agree to come over and spend a weekend helping him get it under control. 

It takes a couple of minutes to hunt Adam down to where he's filling up his watering can in the corner of the store. He smiles almost as widely when he sees Az and waves "Hey dude, Lockie says if he doesn't get your number in the next couple of days he's going to show up at your store and ambush you"

"I'm sure Crowley can provide him with that if he wants it but I wouldn't object to him showing up. I did promise to show him more of my art and I certainly don't plan to lug over a dozen sketchbooks home"

"Get the ginger bitch to drive you home"

Crowley yelps at that nickname but doesn't bother arguing with his employee over it. Instead he pouts at Az who slips their fingers together while holding back a laugh. Watching Crowley get bullied by teenagers is always amusing, especially when he seems completely resigned to it. 

When Adam turns back to continue his work Crowley remembers what they came over for and smacks his shoulder "Oi we're heading out, hold down the fort and don't burn anything down while we're away"

"Yes dad, I won't commit any arson related crimes until I've clocked out for the day"

"Thank you child" Crowley replies with a grin and ruffles the teenagers blond hair "Tell your little goth I'll text him Az's number tonight so there's no need to kidnap him"

"But we'd already planned it for the next date night, guess we'll have to go after Anathema instead"

Considering the amount of times the boys have broken into where Crowley's been living over the years, it may not fully be a lie. 

Warlock's always been socially incompetent and Adam is an agent of chaos so calling when they wanted to come over was rare. More often than not Crowley would hear bumping on his front door and went running to let them in before they broke anything. Very quickly they were given a key to save Crowley's doors from their questionable lock picking skills and stop their godfather panicking every time. He's lived in rough neighbourhoods so he'd rather let them have full access to his home than constantly worry about whether he's being robbed or not. 

Before he has too much time to ponder Adam's borderline criminal tendencies Az is pulling him away, chatting to himself about what he'd like to eat. 

Halfway through a debate over Moroccan and Thai the bell for the front door rings, making Crowley sigh. Since he's still in the store, Adam's undoubtedly going to ignore the customer for his boss to handle. If he wasn't so good at the rest of his job Crowley would have seriously considered getting another employee to make up for Adam's abysmal customer service attitude. 

Crowley grumbles to himself until they emerge from the rows of plants to see who's arrived. 

Az feels Crowley tense up at the sight of the person in front of them, making him flick his gaze between them. 

The person in front of them is very short with dark, choppy hair, fully black clothing and chunky black combat boots. They're extremely pale and scowling deeply so if Crowley wasn't also looking at them, Az might think he was seeing a ghost. 

When he squeezes Crowley's hand the florist breaks out of his trance and takes a couple of hesitant steps forward "Beez? What are you doing here?"

It takes a second to remember when he'd heard that name before then Az realises this must be another of Crowley's siblings. He'd heard a lot of unpleasant things about his two brothers but very little about the oldest sibling. Even if he hasn't heard horror stories he still doesn't like at all and them being here isn't a good sign. 

Crowley and his sibling eye each other up for a minute before the florist waves in their direction "Angel this is my sibling Beelzebub, use they/them pronouns, Beez this is my friend Az"

Az shrinks slightly under the glare leveled in his direction but doesn't move away. He's heard too much of Crowley's pain to leave him alone with any member of his toxic family. Even if all he can do is hold the florists hand, it's much better than letting him be alone. 

With a roll of their eyes Beelzebub looks back at Crowley who's shoulders visibly slump under their gaze "What do you want Beez? I've had enough bullshit from Hastur"

"That little punk is the reason I'm here. I hope I've made it very clear I think most of your decisions are shit and want nothing to do with your life"

Crowley cringes at that which makes his sibling roll their eyes, even as Az starts building himself up to protect his best friend. They haven't said anything terrible so far but Az can see them working their way up to something. 

So far the red head has seemed more scared of them than anything so Az doesn't trust him to be able to defend himself. He now understands how exhausted and frustrated Anathema has gotten when hearing about Az's inability to stand up to his family and ex. Seeing Crowley cowed and silently bracing himself for more verbal abuse is heartbreaking. 

Az understands all too well how hard it can be to stand up to people who've known you all your life and is determined to do something to help. He might be a passive doormat in his own life but he's not going to let the same happen to Crowley. Beelzebub might be intimidating but they're barely 5 foot fall and look like they couldn't be more than 100 pounds. Az hasn't gotten into anything more than a tussle since he was in high school but hopes he'd be able to defend Crowley if needed. If all else fails, Adam is hiding out somewhere in the store and will come running to help at the first sign of trouble. 

Before Az gets a chance to say anything of the biting things on the tip of his tongue, Beelzebub speaks first.

"Look Anthony I'm not here to fight. Tell your little marshmallow to stop glaring at me and lets have a conversation like adults"

"No" Crowley growls, tightening his grip on Az's hand "If you have something to say you can say it to both of us, I'm not a child you can bully anymore"

"Don't be ridiculous, I have never once bullied you because that requires giving a shit about you in the first place. Hastur and Ligur go around acting all buddy buddy but I don't feel the need to be anything more than a blood relative to the three of you. We have nothing in common and I want nothing to do with the shit show you all seem to turn your lives into. I'm sick of being dragged into your soap opera as if I don't have better things to do with my life"

Neither of them know quite what to say to that so Az and Crowley stare at them in shock. They're still acting like the asshole Crowley described them as but haven't taken any blatantly personal jabs at the red head. Az knows he'll never like them but he can't help agreeing that getting dragged into family dramas is the worst. 

Cautiously he murmurs "Did you come here to tell Crowley to leave you alone?"

"Yes I quite definitely did. I'm the only one capable of acting my age in this family so listen up. I've told Hastur and Ligur that if I hear one more insult about you come from their mouths they will greatly regret it. You've all hated each other for decades and I don't understand why you continue to associate with each other. You all live separate lives and this whole load of bullshit has reinforced why that's the best possible idea. I'm stationed in Ukraine for the next six months so I better not hear a peep out of you in that time. If I come back to find out you've engaged in more petty behaviour to spite each other I assure you, you'll all regret being born. Have I made myself clear young man?"

Crowley stutters out "Yes sir, sorry sir" and his hand twitches as if he's not sure whether it's appropriate to salute or not. Beelzebub's lips twitch upwards slightly before they reply "Good to know you can still take orders kid, maybe there's hope for you yet"

"I um... thanks? I've changed a lot since you knew me as a teenager and I never wanted any of this. If Hastur and Ligur never contacted me again I'd be very happy. I want nothing to do with them but they've always found it funny to upset and ridicule me"

"I know Anthony, I came here to make sure you know my stance on this but I gave them a much bigger talking to. You've found your own life away from us but even if they're not in active duty anymore, I can still make life very uncomfortable for them. I'll handle those two miscreants from now on so you have fun with your flowers"

Beelzebub steps forward and holds out their hand for Crowley to give a quick handshake. They then do the same to Az who lets go of the red head in order to return the gesture. Crowley's siblings squeezes their fingers a little too hard but Az manages not to grimace. 

When they step back Az gets an approving look before they turn to walk away "Have fun with your marshmallow kid, I hope I don't have to hear anything from you again for at least a year"

There's silence in the store until the door jingles behind Beelzebub then Crowley's posture completely slumps. His head lands on Az's shoulder and he whimpers softly but doesn't say another word. Az raises a hand to start carding through his soft red hair while he thinks over the whole encounter. 

It's abundantly clear why Crowley's never been close to his siblings if that was the nicest any of them ever get. Even while assuring he wouldn't get harassed anymore, Beelzebub still managed to slip in thinly veiled threats and insults.Personally Az thinks it was worth it to have someone controlling Crowley's brothers but wishes it could have been done in a slightly nicer way. 

When Beelzebub mentioned they were stationed in Ukraine Az remembered all of Crowley's family was in the army. He'd totally forgotten that was a huge point of contention between them and is feeling even more intimidated than before. He felt so confident before that he could protect Crowley if he needed but now he knows exactly how wrong he was. His hand still hurts from the handshake so he's very glad he didn't annoy Beelzebub enough to make them inflict more pain. 

Crowley still hasn't said a word so Az keeps massaging his scalp and murmurs "Darling are you ok? Adam's fine to run the store so I can take you up to your flat and help you calm down if you need"

That gets a frantic head shake and Crowley's hand moves to clutch the front of Az's shirt "No... We should go out... I'll feel better soon"

"Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"It's not subspace but I think its something similar. Beez is the most overwhelming person I've ever met and it does weird things to my mind"

Crowley's voice is so soft and vulnerable so Az tucks an arm tightly around his waist and looks at him in concern "Are you sure you still want to have lunch then?"

"I do, being with you and having some good food will make everything better"

Together they walk out and Az decides they should definitely walk instead of taking Crowley's car. A good brisk stroll should help to break him out of his strange headspace and make him feel better. If that doesn't work Az will get him a good hot cup of tea and try to help him feel better again. 

Neither of them say much during the walk but Crowley's arm around his shoulders stops trembling and his breathing evens out. Az keeps a close eye on him but he doesn't seem like he's going to fully break down like he did after seeing his ex. 

When they get to the Moroccan restaurant Crowley waits until they're seated before talking "I'm sorry Zira, I'm not very good company"

"Don't be silly darling, you're the best company I could ask for"

"What a flatterer, will you let me buy you lunch to say thank you for staying with me?"

Az smiles fondly and nods "Of course Crowley dear, you don't owe me anything but I won't say no to a good meal"

Together they look over the menu and chat lightly before deciding to share a tagine with couscous. Az eagerly discusses it with the waiter before taking a sip of water and turning his attention back to the red head. 

Crowley is much quieter than usual and still seems to be in a weird state so Az puts his hand out palm up on the table. After a second the florist realises what's silently being asked of him and covers Az's hand with his. The artist nods approvingly and starts stroking Crowley's rough knuckles as he gently asks "Are you feeling alright dearest?"

"Yeah angel, everything's fine"

"I don't want to pry but I've said 'I'm fine' enough in my life to know that's not true"

Crowley blushes and clutches to Az's hand tighter "I know, I'm just feeling so many emotions right now that I don't know what to do with it all. Any interaction with my siblings brings up bad emotions but what they said seemed to be borderline nice compared to their usual bullshit. I don't know if I'm supposed to be hurt or angry or thankful and now you're holding my hand which just throws my emotions even further out of balance"

Az starts to let go of Crowley's hand, regretting making his life anymore difficult but Crowley chases after him, not letting him move away.

"I'm sorry Zira, I didn't mean that. You give me so many good emotions and I'm so used to feeling bad ones that it can be hard to deal with. I don't want you to pull away or think you've done anything wrong. I'm too old to be falling apart from an innocent touch from someone I care about"

"You're never too old to feel what you feel. If my touch makes you happy I'll give you as much of it as we both feel comfortable with. As I said before, I don't want to pry or force you to talk about things you don't want to but I would like to lend an ear if you need one"

They lapse back into silence as Crowley retreats back into his own mind so Az lets him think through what he needs to. He keeps rubbing at Crowley's knuckles to hopefully keep him grounded but doesn't try to engage him in anymore conversation. 

Az is well aware of the conflicting emotions family can cause and knows it would be hard for Crowley to talk about. After relentless bullying and harassment from his brothers its only natural he'd doubt Beelzebub acting decent. They might not have been the one actively hurting him but they never did anything to stop it which would have hurt just as much. 

Even while trying to help Crowley with his own struggles, Az is fighting with himself about his own family. Inviting his best friend to the family Christmas party so he wouldn't be as alone as usual seemed like a good idea but the more Az thinks about it, the more he regrets it. Dragging someone with more than enough pain of their own into his drama can't be a good decision. Crowley's finally getting a chance to break free of his abusive family and shouldn't be forced to deal with another right afterwards. Az has made a lot of stupid decisions in his time but letting Crowley voluntarily get more verbal abuse will be one of the worst. 

Now that he's decided that he's left with the question of what to do about it. It would be hard to explain why he's changed his mind and Crowley would probably insist on going. He's always eager to help in any way he can, even when it could be detrimental to his own mental health. 

Telling Crowley he'd rather face the abuse alone rather than use someone else as a human shield would suck but it seems like the only option. Even if he tried to sneak off to it alone or lie about it to the florist, it would ultimately end in him having to own up about it. 

Az knows himself that in Crowley's position he'd rather have an honest conversation about it than find out later that he'd been deceived and lied to. They've both struggled to trust people after past betrayals and it would only damage their relationship to start lying now. If Az has made it this far telling the truth even when he'd rather not, he might as well stick to it. 

The blond is broken out of his thoughts by Crowley finally saying "I'd like to talk things through with you but I'm not sure what to say. When it comes to my family I've never stopped feeling like a stupid kid and I don't want you to see me that way. You see me as a proper competent adult that's worthy of your respect which isn't something I'm used to"

"Oh my darling, I won't see you as any less of an amazing man just because you have struggles. God knows I understand how difficult it is to be vulnerable in front of someone but there's no shame here" 

While Crowley searches for the words to express what he's feeling their food arrives so they both take a break to taste it. Az hums in pleasure and digs in so Crowley takes a small bite and watches his best friend enjoy the food. 

The way Az eats is borderline obscene and it's a delight to watch. He tones himself down in public to prevent embarrassment but it still does terrible things to Crowley. He's cooked for Az a couple of times and remembering his moans of pleasure makes it very hard to stay composed. 

After Crowley's eaten his fill he sits back and crumples his napkin as he keeps thinking about what to say. Az is focused on his food but his eyes flick up to the florist every few seconds to show that he's listening and cares. 

Eventually Crowley blurts out "I've told you my family are all in the army right?"

"Yes you've mentioned it, I think we were drinking one night and you told me that's the reason for your strained relationship"

"Yeah all my siblings have done a bunch of stuff in the army but I never even wanted to try. They've all been in active duty in war zones but I'm just the dumb gay kid who likes flowers"

"You're so much more than that my darling" Az murmurs, putting down his cutlery to focus fully on Crowley "They've been terrible to you for years and I wish there was a way I could make you feel better"

"You do, every time I'm with you I feel happier than I ever thought I deserved. I really hope Beez was telling the truth so I don't have to see any of them again. For so long I've wanted a better relationship with my family but I think it'd be easier to have no relationship with them at all. I have Adam and Warlock who are the only family I really need and now... Now I have you"

The red heads face flushes as he admits that but Az puffs up in pride. Hearing Crowley almost call him family means the world to Az. Neither of them have families who act the way they're supposed to so building a family together is amazing. They still have a lot to work out about their own relationship but more than anything else, Az wants to be a part of Crowley's chosen family. 

With his heart full with happiness, Az reaches across the table to cup Crowley's hands in his "Yes my dear you do have me. No matter what happens with either of our families or anyone else in our lives you'll have me for as long as you want me"

"Would it be selfish to say I want to keep you forever angel?"

"Not at all, it would be the greatest pleasure to be your companion for life"

Az takes one of Crowley's hands, flipping it over so he can press feather light kisses to the florists sensitive wrist. Crowley gives a full body shudder at the feeling and drops his head.

When the blond pulls away he laughs softly and gently pats the top of his friends red curls "You're the sweetest darling Crowley, let me finish my meal now then we can have a nice stroll back to work"

Crowley watches as Az finishes off his plate then gives halfhearted complaints when Az pays the bill without asking. They usually agree to split every bill to avoid any drama surrounding it but isn't having any of that nonsense today. Crowley has had a bad day so he deserves to be pampered even if it's only in a small way. 

Az would love to get the chance to fully look after the florist and take care of him the way he deserves but that's a long time in the future. Getting Crowley to the point where he loves himself enough to accept affection and let people care for him won't be a short operation. Az is determined to raise his friends confidence and self esteem enough to get there but who knows how long it might take. Years of abuse from his family isn't easily erased no matter how hard Az tries to love him the way he deserves. 

As they leave the restaurant Az flicks a look over at Crowley then slips his fingers through the red heads. Holding hands is something Crowley's said he loves multiple times so Az is trying to do more of it. Any kind of PDA was something he'd always had a love-hate relationship with but over time it gets more and more appealing. No one else he's been with has ever been someone Az wanted to hold close and show off to the world but with Crowley he wants to shout about it from every roof top. 

When they get to the door of Az's shop he reaches over to cup Crowley's face and give him a soft smile "Are you feeling better darling? I'm sure Adam wouldn't mind you taking an extra hour break if you're not ready to go back to work"

"Thank you angel but I think I'll be ok, I'll text you if anything else happens"

"Ok Crowley dearest, have a lovely day and make sure to give your godson my number"

Crowley nods and squeezes Az's hand before turning and walking down the road to the flower shop. Az watches him until he's out of sight then walks inside, laughing when he sees Anathema at the front desk. She raises an eyebrow at him but he just laughs and shakes his head "Get me a cup of tea and I'll gossip about my date to you dear girl. There was some stress beforehand that I can't talk about but afterwards it was lovely as always"


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This whole story was a bigger project than I expected but we've finally reached the end.   
> Thank you to everyone who's read along as I've written it, your comments and kudos have meant a lot to me and I hope you enjoyed it xx

Crowley walks around the flower shop fretting as the clock ticks closer and closer to 10am when Az is supposed to arrive. The blond has called multiple times over the past few days fretting about whether taking Crowley will be a good idea, so the florist has talked him down.

Being around someone else's abusive family after he just escaped his own won't be the greatest feeling but he's more than willing to do it. Hopefully after this Christmas Az will be able to distance himself further from his family. Cutting them off completely like Crowley did seems unlikely but it would be good to get some space. His brother is too close to Az's ex and staying around in that environment will only create problems.

After the party Crowley is planning to drive Az home and probably get very drunk with him to ease the inevitable pain. He's done so much healing since his breakup and a lot of that will likely be undone in a single evening. It'll mean more months of remaining friends before either of them could even consider a relationship but Crowley's willing to let that happen.

More than anything, Az needs a friend and to have someone in his corner when it feels like everyone else is against him and that's what Crowley will be. His own increasing desperation to call Az his own and build something special between them means nothing compared to what Az needs to deal with.

Since he's taking the day off Crowley decided to close the flower shop completely and give Adam a day off too. The teenager rarely complains about working shifts by himself because he gets paid extra and can blast trashy pop as loud as he wants but it doesn't seem fair. He has friends and a life outside of work that he deserves to get to enjoy as much as possible. There's no point always working for more money if you never have the free time to spend that money with the people you love.

Adam's a wonderful support system and Crowley would love to have him to vent to but he's trying to be less selfish. The teenagers never complained about being his bosses support system but it’s time to let him be his own person too. Crowley's too old to be relying on someone barely out of adolescence to solve all his problems. Now he has Az, who'll probably give much more sane and rational advice, if he needs someone to talk to.

To distract himself from worries about just how terrible Az's family, Crowley starts putting together a bouquet for the artist. It's traditional to give something while meeting a partner’s family for the first time but this isn't a very traditional circumstance. Az deserves something special much more than anyone he's related to does so Crowley's going to give him that.

Crowley is clipping thorns off a bright red rose when there's a knock on the front door. Quickly he jumps to his feet and runs to open the door for Az. He starts to say how good it is to see him but stops when he sees the panic in the blonds eyes.

Az looks scruffier than ever, wearing only a pair of beige trousers, rolled up white button up and plaid socks. His usual bowtie hangs untied around his neck and a light grey waistcoat is dangling from his fingers as he stumbles into the flower shop.

For a second Crowley is caught up in how damn good Az looks when dressed casually before concern takes over. The Az he knows would never leave the house without at least 3 layers on and definitely wouldn't walk around without shoes. Seeing the blond like this almost feels like a violation because by his standards, Az is practically naked. Crowley wouldn't mind seeing him like this more in the future but he'd rather it happen during a movie marathon or night of drinking when he knows everything is ok.

When he's inside Az paces across the floor, scrunching up the waistcoat in his hand as he frowns. He seems like he's completely panicking so Crowley edges towards him, careful not to startle him "Az my love what's wrong? I'll do whatever you need just let me know how to help you"

The blond throws a desperate look at Crowley and shakes the waistcoat in his hand "I bought this 3 years ago for a family Christmas party"

"It looks wonderful Zira; do you want help putting it on?"

Az stares at him in shock, his hand dropping to his side before he flings himself forwards. His arms wrap around Crowley's waist and he presses his face into the red heads shoulder. The artist lets out a pitiful sob and shudders as Crowley's arms wrap around him.

Crowley knows even less than when the blond arrives but has no idea what the right question to ask is. He can't even begin to understand what Az might be going through so doesn't know what might upset him more.

To avoid putting his foot in his mouth Crowley wraps Az tightly in his arms and starts leading him towards his flat. The blond is slightly shaky on his feet but makes it up the stairs and onto Crowley's sofa.

Since he doesn't seem forthcoming with information Crowley keeps holding his best friend. It's not much but he knows being touched makes Az feel better and hopes it will help.

5 minutes later Az's tears have slowed, and Crowley reaches for a box of tissues for him. The artist blows his nose and wipes at his cheeks as he gives a weak empty laughs "God I'm such a mess my dear, I'm so sorry"

"Don't you dare apologise to me angel, if you need to have a good cry to get your emotions out then that's what you need. I'm not the only one in this relationship who bottles things up until I explode"

Az sighs heavily and unwraps one of his arms from Crowley's waist, moving the waistcoat still clutched in his fist to his own lap. Both men look at it silently until Crowley prompts "Is something wrong with it love? I have a needle and thread around here somewhere so I can try to patch it up for you if you want. I can't promise it'll end up any better than it is now but I'll do my best to remember the sewing lessons I had in secondary school"

Finally, Az gives a laugh that doesn't sound on the verge of more tears which makes Crowley's shoulders relax an inch in relief. Crowley was prepared to deal with something like this after meeting his family but not right now. He doesn't know what caused this breakdown but from the state of things it must be his family. No one but his brother and ex have gotten Az so upset in the time they've known each other. Unless Az lost all his books in a fire or something happened to Anathema, Crowley can't imagine anything else having such an impact.

After a moment’s thought Az shakes his head and finally lets go of the poor abused waistcoat "This stupid thing is fine, it just got me thinking"

No more information is offered so Crowley stops prodding and tries a different tactic.

The red head pats Az's back then slides out of their embrace "I'll make some tea yeah angel? A good cup of tea makes everything feel a little better"

There's no argument from the artist so Crowley scuttles to the kitchen. They left the nice flavoured teas at Az's cottage because that's where they spend the most time so all Crowley can find is some English Breakfast. It's not the best but he knows Az likes it just fine so it will do.

Once Crowley has Az's tea and a coffee for himself, he returns and finds the blond combing his fingers through his hair to try tidying it. Crowley chuckles and hands him the tea then sits back next to him, using his free hand to stroke the curly blond hair "You look cute like this"

"Oh shush dear, I look a right mess and did you notice I'm not even wearing shoes? I stepped in a puddle on the way here and it's quite disgusting"

Crowley scrunches his nose up at how unpleasant that must feel then quickly gets up again. He finds a pair of his own socks in the pile of clothes he brought back from the laundromat and had procrastinated putting away.

At the sight of the socks Az giggles and sips his tea "Snake print socks dear?"

"It's a fashion statement angel, I wouldn't expect you to understand my incredible sense of style"

The florist puts his cup of coffee down on the floor before kneeling on the ground at Az's feet. The blond watches silently as his socks are peeled off and replaced with the surprisingly soft scaled socks.

Once he's warm and dry again Crowley gets to his feet, picks back up his coffee and settles next to Az. The artist gives him an extremely fond look and moves closer on the sofa "You're a wonderful man Crowley, I know you don't like to hear it but you're the nicest person I've ever met"

"Ugh don't say it like that, I know I'm soft but you don't need to let everyone know"

"We're the only ones here and your secrets safe with me"

As much as he complains, Crowley is getting more and more comfortable with Az's compliments. He's tried so hard to make people think he was cool and tough but letting Az see another side of him isn't too bad. The blond likes it when he's soft so maybe being soft around his favourite person isn't too bad.

Both men take a long drink before Az says with a teasing smile "Are you aware you go very heavy on the nicknames when you're trying to comfort someone?"

Crowley flushes and gives a little half smile "Yeah I know, I'm not the best at showing affection so it usually turns into hugs and pet names. Do you mind?"

"Not at all, I always go a little overboard with calling everyone dear so I would never mind receiving the same from you. I've called you every name under the sun so its adorable seeing you do the same"

"Anything you want my darling sugar bun"

Az shakes his head at the name but doesn't complain, smiling to himself about how comfortable Crowley is getting.

The mood seems much lighter now, so Crowley tries to prod about what happened before Az arrived.

"Are you sure you're ok Az? We have plenty of time if you have something you want to talk about"

The tattoo artists eyes flick down to the waistcoat still in his lap before he blurts out "I don't want you to meet my family"

Crowley's face drops and he murmurs "You asked me to go with you and I said I'd be fine with it. I appreciate you looking after me but I'm a big boy and I can handle a few assholes"

"They don't deserve you dearest, you're too good for any of them. All they ever do is ruin everything I love and I'm not going to let them do that to you. You deserve more than their bullying and so do I so I don't want either of us to go"

"You... You don't want me to go with you or you don't want to go yourself?"

"I don't want to see my siblings at all. I want to go out to lunch with you and have a good evening like we always do. Before I came here, I was going to text Gabriel to say I wasn't coming but I chickened out and needed your support"

It's a lot to take in and Crowley still isn't fully sure what he's hearing. Az always seemed to care about his family even when they didn't feel the same, so this never seemed like a possibility. Az bounced back and forth about taking Crowley with him, but he never seemed to question going himself. In Crowley's opinion this is a great decision but he's hesitant to celebrate when he's not sure if it's been fully thought through.

When he doesn't get a response Az frowns at his best friend and bumps his shoulder "Say something Crowley, I thought you'd be proud of me"

"I'm very proud of you standing up for yourself but have you thought this through? I thought you really wanted to go"

"I felt obligated to go but I never truly wanted to. Being with you has helped me realise I'm worthy of better than how I let other people treat me. Seeing you cut off your family and still be perfectly happy with life made me start thinking maybe it’s time for me to do the same. I hope in a few years time they'll be ready to form a proper relationship with me but I'm sick of the way things are now. Do you think that's a stupid decision?"

Az's brow furrows in concern for a second before the cup is pulled out of his hand and he's pulled into a bear hug. Crowley clutches the artist tight and murmurs "I'm so proud of you my angel. I'd be willing to do anything you needed but watching you get bullied by your siblings would destroy me. You've worked so hard to look after yourself and your mental health so I'm glad you're doing another thing to protect yourself"

They hug for a long time and though Az wouldn't admit to it, a few more tears escape his eyes onto Crowley's shoulder and he's sure he feels a couple of drips on the top of his head. It's getting easier and easier to be vulnerable in front of Crowley which is terrifying but also thrilling. If their relationship falls to pieces Az is going to be broken because he won't have anyone to talk about his feelings with anymore but he's trying not to worry about worst case scenarios. They have each other now and have both stated they want to make this last a long time so neither of them will end up alone again.

When Crowley pulls away he removes his glasses so Az can see his eyes are slightly wet with tears but shining bright as he stares at his best friend "I'm so so so proud of you my sweet angel, will you tell me why that waistcoat means so much of you or is that too much for today?"

"No no no, it's not that bad" Az mutters to himself as he hesitantly holds out the fabric for Crowley to take "I bought it a few years ago and intended to wear it to my families Christmas party to be more stylish so Gabriel wouldn't tease me. That's already damaging in many ways, but it was made worse by the fact that it's a woman's waistcoat. As a teenager I tried experimenting with more feminine and gender neutral styles but was rather cruelly discouraged from it. I thought trying again in my 30s would be much easier but somehow they all knew and teased me about being a pansy who couldn't even act like a man. It hurt me very deeply that even something as small and subtle as this was so harshly rejected so there'd be no way I could ever go further with my experimentation. When I found it in the wardrobe today I knew I should put it back and wear something more suitable but I couldn't stop looking at it. I've always thought it was beautiful and more than anything I wanted to wear it because I knew I'd look good and you'd enjoy it. That made be spiral into some very negative thoughts about my family, culminating in the decision that it's time to cut them off completely until they learn how to hold their tongues"

Az's monologue is a lot to take in, so he takes his tea back from where Crowley moved it to the floor and takes a sip. It's going cold now but it's enough of a distraction to give his friend space with his own thoughts.

Holding back important information then dropping it like a bombshell is a habit Az knows he needs to break out of. He'd mentioned his gender issues before but this is probably far from what Crowley was expecting.

When Crowley speaks again Az can't manage to make eye contact at first, still slightly embarrassed about losing control "There's a lot to unpack there but I'll ask again, do you want me to help you put the waistcoat on? I think you'd look very fetching in it and I couldn't care less which section of the store you bought it in"

After a tiny nod from Az, Crowley takes the waistcoat from him and helps him slip it on, gently doing up each button. As expected, Az looks incredible, the grey contrasting nicely against the rest of his white and cream outfit and it being a woman's waistcoat hugs his body so well. Crowley's always loved how he looks and seeing him experiment more with what he wears is heart warming as well as extremely attractive.

When Az looks up he sees the admiration in Crowley's eyes before he starts blushing and ducks his head again "Is it silly that I'm still nervous about whether you like it?"

"It is a little silly, but I've done much sillier things. You look incredible, stunning, gorgeous, fantastic and every other synonym in the dictionary"

"Oh darling" Az whispers as he moves closer on the couch "You're such a sweetheart and I'm so lucky to have you. Maybe one day we could go shopping together and you could help me find some new things to try. You're much more fashionable than me and it would be quite lovely to have your advice on that sort of thing. I doubt I'll be wearing skirts or anything too feminine but perhaps a more feminine coat or pair of trousers would be nice"

"Of course darling, I'm not exactly a fashion expert but I'll help you any way I can. I doubt it's possible for you to look anything less than perfect no matter what you wear"

Az feels so much love for the red head swell up inside him that it's almost physically painful. He's known he's falling for Crowley for a while but is still reluctant to admit to it. The relationship still isn't official so bringing such intense feelings into it so quickly could doom it from the start. Very few things could make Az stop loving his best friend but he's trying to keep it tightly under wraps until the situations more appropriate.

To distract from his intense feelings Az starts to take a sip of his tea but coughs when he feels that its gone ice cold. Crowley laughs softly and reaches out for the cup "I'll microwave it for you if you'd like"

"Thank you but no thank you my dear. I'll accept microwaved tea once but doing it again is going a little far. I propose I send a text to Gabriel saying we won't be attending then go out for a celebratory lunch"

Crowley easily agrees, abandoning their drinks while Az pulls out his phone. Texting has never been easy for him but there's no chance he'd survive a phone call with his angry older brother. Even sending a text and dealing with the consequences would be overwhelming if he didn't have Crowley here to assure him that he's doing the right thing.

After starting a few texts then quickly deleting them Az flings the phone into Crowley's lap "Oh I can't do it, I'm useless at standing up for myself"

"I can't do it for you Zira, I'm happy to type it out for you and send it but this has to be your words. I don't want you to blame me for this or regret not doing it yourself, this is your choice and your freedom"

Az squirms in his seat but he can't deny Crowley's right. It's not easy in the moment but he's sure that when he looks back, he'll be proud of himself for doing this. Breaking up with Kane was the hardest thing he'd done in years but now he feels a rush of pride every time he thinks about that day. Cutting off his entire family will be even harder but this time he's not alone and knows everyone in his life who cares about him will support the decision. That's a depressingly small amount of people but maybe he'll be more open to making new friends and opening himself up to new experiences. Expecting a whole personality change is a little unrealistic but he can't help hoping this is the start of a whole new chapter.

It takes another half hour and a lot of backtracking from Az but eventually Crowley types out an acceptable text for Gabriel.

_Hello Gabriel. After much consideration I have decided I will not be attending this year’s Christmas party. Since last year I have met some wonderful people who have showed me that I deserve more than my family can provide me. You have all treated me in a terrible fashion for years and I am not willing to tolerate it any further. In the future if you are ready to work with me to cultivate a better relationship between us, I may be willing to talk, but until then I request you do not contact me. Until such time when I feel our acquaintanceship is beneficial to us both, I wish you good luck and enlightenment. Happy holidays and God bless you._

After both reading it over multiple times, Crowley holds out the phone with a smile "I know I said I'd send it for you, but I wanted to give you the choice"

For a second Az stares at it in terror, again dreading the disaster this could cause before taking a long breath and hitting the send button.

Crowley lets out a whoop, dropping the phone onto the couch before flinging himself into Az's arms. The artist can tell he's expecting another breakdown but for now all he feels is proud of his strength. Growing a backbone and learning to love himself hasn't been easy but now that he's here, Az never wants to go back to the way things were before.

When him and Crowley met, they were both in a bad place but have accomplished a lot of growth and healing together. There's still a long way for them both to go after the cruel treatment they've accepted for years but they're well on their way.

Az clutches his best friend close before pulling back, cupping Crowley's face and grinning at him brightly "I know I've told you this before but meeting you truly was one of the best things to ever happen in my life"

"Would it be dumb of me to say ditto?"

Shaking his head, Az giggles before leaning in to press a lingering kiss to Crowley's forehead before pulling back, not letting the florist speak as he offers "How about we go to the Ritz for lunch? It's rather extravagant but I think we've both earned it"

Crowley seems very amused at the suggestion but easily agrees. Taking the red head somewhere fancy is something Az has been thinking about for a while and this is the perfect excuse. He's always had slightly more expensive taste than his budget can afford but Crowley's worth every cent of it.

With his mind stuck on every way he could thank Crowley for being there for him, Az doesn't realise what he looks like until a knee nudges his "Angel as good as you look when you're rumpled, I think it might be best if you put on a few more clothes before the Ritz. At the very least I think a pair of shoes are required to even get in the front door"

"Hmm, yes that is probably true" The blond sighs and stands up "I brought proper clothes to work but it didn't quite make it onto my body before I came here"

"You want me to come with you? Don't want you to step in another puddle and ruin my lovely stylish socks"

Az chuckles and smacks the red heads shoulder then heads down the stairs, leaving Crowley alone on his couch. He watches until the blond it out of sight then sighs deeply, slumping down into his usual terrible posture.

The last hour has been a rollercoaster and Crowley is admittedly glad to have a few minutes by himself to think about everything. Before Crowley even straightens up again, he feels Az's phone vibrating against the couch. It takes a second for him to remember that the artist left his phone and that it's definitely someone from his family calling to berate him.

For a second Crowley considers answering to cuss them out but quickly discards the idea. If Az was here, he'd probably do it but talking to his family without permission feels like a violation of privacy. Instead Crowley quickly switches the phone off and decides not to tell Az about the call in case it completely ruined his mood. He'd find out eventually, but they can at least have a good lunch together before Az has to handle his shitty family again.

10 minutes later Az arrives again, this time wearing shoes and his overcoat, looking mostly back to normal. His smile is less bright than usual after the mornings stress but still the most beautiful thing Crowley's ever seen.

The blond preens under Crowley’s attention then motions him closer “Come now dearest, I’ve gotten rather peckish”

Eagerly Crowley jumps up, pulling on his own shoes then following Az downstairs. A hand on his lower back keeps him feeling warm and happy while he locks up but sadly pulls away as they slip into Crowley’s car. To replace the loss the red head grabs Az’s soft hand and pulls it onto his knee, carefully avoiding eye contact with his friend. He’d said previously that Az’s touch while driving was too overwhelming but after everything that’s happened recently, he’s sure he can handle it.

Az’s strong fingers rub circles into the florist’s knee as he starts up the car and pulls onto the road. He’s never been to the Ritz before, but Az seems happy to navigate and Crowley never minds taking orders from the artist.

The 10 minute drive is broken up only by Az’s soft directions and Crowley muttering curses at the terrible London drivers around them. He’d lived there all his life but never managed to get used to how abysmal it was to drive around the city. If he didn’t love his car so much and refuse to give up his aesthetic, he might even consider taking public transport everywhere like Az.

Despite Crowley’s strong aversion to religion, even he has to admit someone must be looking down on them, wishing them good look that morning. A parking space opens up just as the Bentley pulls up to the Ritz and there was a reservation cancelled last minute, leaving one of the best tables open for them. Az looks very pleased with himself but only smiles serenely when Crowley shoots him questioning looks.

Once they’re seated Az has a quick conversation with the waiter about wine before ordering a nice Chateauneuf-du-Pape. Crowley watches the blond with his chin propped up in his hand until blue eyes meet with his. With a jolt he realises he never put his sunglasses back on but the hand that reaches over to rest on his wrist stops any panic. Crowley’s never been a fan of going around without all his layers in place to hide from the world, but Az looks so happy that he couldn’t bare to bring it up. The artists seen him in much worse states so this should be nothing.

They make light small talk until the wine arrives then while pouring it into two glasses, Az startles as he remembers something “I meant to mention it before, but I was rather preoccupied with my own little drama. Warlock came to the shop while I was working yesterday and we got to spend a lovely hour talking about art. He seemed very appreciative of the work I showed him and there’s a wall I’ve meant to paint for months so we may work on that together. I thought it would be polite to inform you about it in case you’re uncomfortable with the idea, but I would very much enjoy more time with your dear godson”

“He wants to show you his art? He wants to work with you to create something that people will see every time they go to your studio?”

Az nods silently as Crowley shivers and put a hand over Az’s where it still sits on his wrist “You’re fucking incredible. At first I had to fight to see anything he drew and he’s still insanely private about who sees his art. I know it seems stupid, but it really does mean a lot that he’s trusting you like that”

“I was the same as a kid. My family never supported my art – they all wanted me to go into law instead – so I hid it for years to avoid criticism. From what he’s told me, his father doesn’t seem like a very nice man so he’s likely been through much of the same thing I have. I did pick up that he was shy about his art but thank you for telling me, I’ll make sure he knows how much I appreciate it. This does mean you won’t be allowed to come see me at work though. I don’t know whether he wants it to be a surprise or this is revenge for not telling him about your tattoo, but Warlock insists you can’t see anything we do until it’s finished”

Crowley whines and tries to wheedle Az into telling him what they’re working on but, as expected, the blond remains steadfast. Admittedly, as curious as Crowley is, he’s not surprised Warlock doesn’t want him seeing the process and won’t fight against it too hard. Anything created by his two favourite boys will be nothing less than extraordinary so he’s looking forward to the outcome.

When the waiter returns, Crowley hasn’t even picked up his menu yet, but after flicking the red head a look, Az orders for them both. For Crowley he orders the sea bass and for himself he gets a risotto.

Az has been here recently enough to know the menu and has gone out with Crowley enough to know his tastes. After they got oysters together one evening, he’s become very fond of seafood and almost always orders it when he can. The red heads always happy enough to eat anything Az offers but discovering his particular favourites has become a rather interesting game.

They both watch the waiter walk away then Az shuffles his chair closer to his friend and starts chatting about a customer he had the other day. They stick to light topics about their work and the silly things their young employees get up to until the food arrives.

Between bites of food, Az raves about a couple of novels he read recently then prods Crowley until he shares the audiobooks he’d been listening to. The blond was very happy when Crowley said he’d gotten audiobooks of all Az’s favourite classics and was listening to them during work. Since then he was enthusiastic to ask about them any chance he got, often ending in very entertaining debates over Crowley’s opinions.

In the middle of a rant about The Catcher In The Rye, without missing a word, Az holds up a forkful of risotto for Crowley to try. Slowly the florist leans forward, wrapping his lips around the fork while looking right at Az. He faulters slightly as his eyes drop down to the red heads lips but continues talking with only a slight tremor in his voice.

While smiling to himself about getting under Az’s skin, Crowley turns back to his own food and keeps listening to his best friend talking.

Now that Az has broken the boundary, they feed each other forkfuls of food every couple of minutes. It feels more intimate than Crowley expected but he’s not going to say no to indirectly kissing the guy he’s in love with. It gives him all kinds of soft feelings he can’t even begin to understand that’d make him feel like a teenage girl if he admitted them out loud.

Once Az finishes his meal, he sits back in his chair, sipping his wine and watching Crowley finish his own. It gives him time to admire his beautiful companion without making things too awkward between them. Crowley never seems to know how to react to people appreciating him and as amusing as it can be to watch him squirm, it would ruin their happy relaxed mood.

As usual, the two men linger over their wine for slightly too long before they’re comfortably tipsy and stumble out together. Az knows Crowley’s tolerance is much higher than part of a bottle of wine but having the red head pressed against his side is the best feeling.

Neither of say much on the drive home but Az’s hand is firmly back on Crowley’s knee and his head is tilted towards the florist’s shoulder. Crowley is focused on driving and stuck in his own mind, so Az lets his own thoughts wander. He’s already decided their day together isn’t going to end and is pondering what wine he has tucked away to tempt his friend.

Now that he has someone to drink with, Az has been spending much more time looking for the best wine to please his best friend. He's discovered quite a few bottles in the back of his pantry that his family have gifted him over the years which are very expensive and tasty. Drinking them alone would only depress him but with Crowley it feels like a big middle finger to all his siblings and the abuse he’s tolerated them from over the years.

When Crowley pulls up to Az’s cottage the blond is broken from his thoughts and throws a fond smile across the car “Thank you for driving me home dear boy”

“Any time angel, I’m always willing to be your personal chauffeur”

“I may hold you to that promise, would you like to come inside?”

Crowley’s mouth falls open for a minute before he nods and leaps out of the car. Before Az can get his own door open, the florist has run around the car to open the door for him.

Az climbs out of the car and puts a hand on Crowley’s bicep, guiding him towards the door “Come dear, we planned to spend hours in the car together so we may as well make up that time”

“I’ll take you on a road trip one day. We can drive anywhere you like and stay in little B&Bs and find as much good food as you can eat”

“That sounds like the best idea, I would love to go on holiday with you”

“Tell me when and I’ll drop everything for you”

With the softest smile Crowley's ever seen, Az pulls him close, one hand on the florist’s waist and the other cupping his cheek. The blond has a quick argument with himself before deciding he’s too old to play games and throwing all caution to the wind.

Az pulls their bodies closer and murmurs "You know my love, I think this would be a rather appropriate time to have another discussion about the state of our relationship"

"You... You mean you want..."

"I do dear, I most definitely do"

Crowley laughs in pure joy, dipping his head so he can feel Az's breath against his cheek. They remain in place until Az closes the distance between then, pressing his lips chastely against the red heads. It barely lasts a second before Crowley's pulling back, still laughing with bright happy eyes. He lets a hand slip up into Az's hair and whispers "I love you angel" before pressing their lips together more firmly.

Az whimpers slightly at the feel of Crowley's soft lips against his own and the florists angular body pressing against him. He's never believed in the magic of a first kiss but as he's done many times since they met, Crowley's proven him wrong. Az has fireworks going off inside him that he hasn't felt since he was a teenager with his first crush, and he knows without a doubt, this is where he's meant to be.

Neither man knows how long they stand on Az's doorstep kissing before they pull back to gasp for air. Crowley has no intention to move for the rest of his life, but the Az is already desperate to get Crowley inside where they can spend the rest of the night kissing and talking.

After another lingering kiss, the artist pulls back and removes Crowley's hand from his hair to link their fingers together firmly "Come now dear, I have some lovely bottles of wine inside that we can talk over"

"Just talking huh?" Crowley teases, getting a huff out of Az "Yes Crowley, just talking, I'm quite determined to call you my boyfriend before I let you do anything else with that naughty mouth of yours"

Crowley pouts at the blond and whines "You can't blame me for wanting to kiss the most perfect person I've ever met" making Az roll his eyes at how cheesy the florist can be.

"I certainly hope you find me perfect because you're stuck with me for a long time"

"Spending the next 6000 years together will make me the happiest man alive" Crowley jokes as he's tugged inside, almost falling over in his haste to never be far from Az ever again.


End file.
